When it Rains, You Get Wet

That's what my Grandma used to say, "When it rains, you get wet." I knew the rain was coming again soon. Everything in my life was going kind of okay for a month or two. I was actually feeling a little bit content, still some depression, but not as bad as normal.
Then my bi-polar husband quit taking his meds again. Instant evil from him. Instant chaos, he's constantly angry, everything is my fault. I can do no right. He's out shopping, spending hundred's of dollars every day, drinking, and smoking pot constantly. He seems to be having some dementia or psychosis or something, too. Like he said he had to pull up to the gas pump and get out of his car four times the other day before he pulled up on the side with his gas tank. He also said he is illiterate as in he can still read, but he can't understand what he's read. Scary stuff.
Because of all this I've had to cancel my very few social activities, completely change my behavior, and try to buffer everything for my three children. I feel isolated, scared, and I am crying a lot.
Then, on top of all that, my oldest son, (15) told me he thinks he is gay. What? I didn't see that coming. I've been in shock all week. He's had a girlfriend, and seemed pretty torn up when they broke up. I never would have guessed. I've felt a whole range of emotions over this. I told him I will always love him and stand by him no matter what. But the shock, the depression, the fear and sadness for him. No parent wants that for their child. Besides all that I feel like I have a huge weight on my shoulders with this secret. It's like a ticking time bomb. If his step-father finds out, I'm sure he'll use it as an excuse to kick him out of our home (They don't get along anyway). If his father finds out, he won't be welcome there either. He made it clear to me a long time ago that if any of his children were gay he would disown them.
Yep, when it rains, you get wet, especially when it pours down on you. I know from experience that it is not true to say "Things can't get any worse", because they can. There is just no end. Life seems so unfair. So much pain. So many tears. I am afraid I will make myself sick and there will be no one to take care of my other two children, 9 and 4.
Sigh....

((((((Galetre))))))
I'm so sorry about everything. You sound like one pretty darn strong lady though! I hope you realize that your husband's behavior is not because of you, or because of anything you did.
Stay strong, my friend. Things will get better someday. Because life is a roller costar, and a roller coaster can't go down forever.
We are always here for you!

Why did he stop taking his meds? Has he not seen the results of his decisions? As long as your son has you behind him, at least he can feel secure in knowing he is not alone.

I realize that we all have our own life and our own stories to tell, but personally, no man would come between me and my sons. If any partner of mine threatened to disown my child, he would be saying goodbye to all of us. No child of mine would be abandoned in that way.

Oh bother. So much negative at the moment. Hang in there. It sounds like things may need to change for you and the family. Please ask for help when you need it. I can not offer much in the way of assistance as I am single, 40 and have never had children. I do know that your son maybe going through a phase, crying out for help due to the frustration he is seeing at home or might really think he is gay. Now is really not the time for the hubby to be going off the deep end. Find strength in yourself. Call social services and speak to someone in detail. Let them know your issues if you are sure the hubby is not going to better himself.