Home Menu

Menu


Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 08:35 PM
The Fox & the Hound The Fox & the Hound is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 629
At times I do, but I usually don't.

I hate when people put there attention to me. But then I want it other ways.

I hate when people worry about me , hate it. Reason why I never tell anyone anything in IRL, because I do not want people worrying,& I hate attention to me.
Hugs from:
Anonymous100103, Idiot17, RunningInTheRain

advertisement
  #2  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 08:39 PM
littlemiss44's Avatar
littlemiss44 littlemiss44 is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: Milwaukie
Posts: 604
Why do you think you hate attention? Is it related to yr illness? Sounds like yr having a hard time. We're here for you.

Sent from my SGH-M919 using Tapatalk
  #3  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 09:13 PM
The Fox & the Hound The Fox & the Hound is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 629
I'm not really sure why. Not sure.Yes, I'm struggling with depression,
Hugs from:
Anonymous100103
  #4  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 09:52 PM
smmath's Avatar
smmath smmath is offline
Grand Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle, WA USA
Posts: 970
Could it be that you are not used to being in the spotlight so it seems odd for you?
I don't think hating attention is a bad thing in and of itself. However, it could get you into hot water if that prevents you from seeking help when you need it. Have you talked to your therapist about this?

Sorry for the questions. Hugs.
  #5  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 10:00 PM
healingme4me's Avatar
healingme4me healingme4me is offline
Perpetually Pondering
Community Liaison
 
Member Since: Apr 2013
Location: New England
Posts: 46,298
I haven't liked attention, because as a youngster, I sometimes felt, as though my mom bragged a bit much as she craved,or seemed to crave making things rosier than they were. It seemed, upon reflection, to deflect from her own insecurities. Not that I wanted a complete downplay, just not wanting pedestal too high up, higher than necessary.

Not sure, if it's similar to anything you may be experiencing. Just sharing to express, my own discomforts with attention.

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2
Hugs from:
Anonymous100103
  #6  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 10:22 PM
The Fox & the Hound The Fox & the Hound is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 629
No, I haven't talked to her about it, yet. I am definitely not use to being in the spotlight .

And, I was never really bragged about.
Hugs from:
Anonymous100103
  #7  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 11:11 PM
penguinsing's Avatar
penguinsing penguinsing is offline
Member
 
Member Since: May 2012
Posts: 248
So you want people to social with you: chat chat / hang out. But you don't want people to social with you if it's because they are concern about your depression. ???
  #8  
Old Apr 17, 2014, 11:45 PM
The Fox & the Hound The Fox & the Hound is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 629
Quote:
Originally Posted by penguinsing View Post
So you want people to social with you: chat chat / hang out. But you don't want people to social with you if it's because they are concern about your depression. ???

No, not necessarily. I somewhat want to be social, but I get really nervous. Plus I never share things with people, even if there close to me.

Plus, I just don't like most attention to me, a little yes, but I don't like when people watch,& pay attention.
  #9  
Old Apr 18, 2014, 12:31 AM
pudica pudica is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: Malaysia
Posts: 125
if you don't feel you're any good in any way inside, it's only normal to not want any attention because you worry if people paid attention to you, they'd notice all those flaws you think are all real about yourself.
  #10  
Old Apr 18, 2014, 06:58 AM
Whoaminoone Whoaminoone is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Ok
Posts: 124
I don't like attention on me because I feel like I'm being judged. I know, to some extent, everyone a person meets is judging them. I'm never quite sure if someone's attention to me is genuine or mocking.
I don't know if this is similar to how you feel, but you're not alone in feeling awkward about attention being focused on you.
  #11  
Old Apr 18, 2014, 07:17 AM
Altered Moment's Avatar
Altered Moment Altered Moment is offline
Elder
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,481
I can be the same way. Mainly I notice on my birthday. I hate my birthday because I don't want any gifts or attention. I think it is a self esteem issue. I have gotten much better about it over the years. I do deserve help and positive healthy attention. We all want validation and to be accepted. The problem is we can often seek in out in unhealthy ways. Shocking statements, drama queen, passive aggressive and so on.

We have to learn to identify our needs and be able to ask in a healthy way to get them met.
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman

Major Depressive Disorder
Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun.
Recovering Alcoholic and Addict
Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide.

Male, 50

Fetzima 80mg
Lamictal 100mg
Remeron 30mg for sleep
Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back
  #12  
Old Apr 18, 2014, 12:02 PM
MissAriel's Avatar
MissAriel MissAriel is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 16
I feel the exact same way. I don't like to tell people things that are wrong with me, like my depression, because they tend to look at me differently. Not necessarily in a negative way....but everything I do will become cause for concern, or they'll try to connect everything I do back to my depression. But sometimes I do want attention, I want someone to be concerned with me. I get this probably makes no sense, but I can be finicky and want concern on my terms. Sounds selfish, but there is nothing more annoying than someone bringing up my depression or acting as though I'm not okay when I'm actually having a good day.
__________________
  #13  
Old Apr 18, 2014, 04:30 PM
The Fox & the Hound The Fox & the Hound is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 629
Yes, I don't like when things are about me... I know there nothing good about me, but I know a ton of bad things about me.
  #14  
Old Apr 18, 2014, 04:45 PM
RunningInTheRain's Avatar
RunningInTheRain RunningInTheRain is offline
Member
 
Member Since: Apr 2014
Location: California
Posts: 144
I feel the same way you do. I hate attention in almost every situation and I hate it when anyone worries about me. I've decided that it's because I feel guilty and feel like I don't deserve to be given special attention or worried about, like other people shouldn't be putting effort into me. Maybe that's the reason behind it for you? I suffer from depression also, so it could be a depression thing.
__________________
Everyone wants happiness,
No one wants pain,
But you can't have a rainbow
Without a little rain.


I am attempting recovery from depression, social anxiety, self harm, suicidal ideation, and some crappy life stuff.
The last time I self harmed: 3/17/14
In therapy since: 1/13/14


I threw my blade away on June 6, 2014.

I'm always happy to help. Please send me a message if you ever need to talk about anything.
  #15  
Old Apr 18, 2014, 07:44 PM
TheOriginalMe's Avatar
TheOriginalMe TheOriginalMe is offline
Out of Order
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 16,091
A common feeling associated with depression is worthlessness. So if you don't feel that you add up to much, you probably don't want attention. Like when you've done badly in a test at school, the very last thing you want is someone saying "Hey how did it go?" and if you know you did badly because you didn't do enough work then you don't want someone to say "Never mind, I'm sure you tried your best." or even worse "Well you should have tried harder."

So, if you feel bad about yourself, you are bound to feel anxious about what other people are going to say. You're convincing yourself that at best their attention will be insincere (you tried your best) or at worst insensitive (should have tried harder).

I think Zinco is right, we do need gentle validation to remind ourselves that we're not all that bad and we do have good qualities too. Try to remember, as uncomfortable as you may feel, that being nice to others helps some people feel better about themselves, so try to do your best by them even if you don't feel deserving.
__________________
  #16  
Old Apr 18, 2014, 11:09 PM
The Fox & the Hound The Fox & the Hound is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 629
I do feel worthless most of the time & hopeless. I always can't find anything good about myself.

I tell people, I'm not sure,& laugh it off. I don't ever tell anyone personal things. I'm nice to them, but I usually ignore them because I'm scared.
Hugs from:
smmath, TheOriginalMe
  #17  
Old Apr 19, 2014, 03:10 PM
The Fox & the Hound The Fox & the Hound is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 629
At the same time I want attention, but then I don't. Because I feel like everyone is against me,& hates me......
  #18  
Old Apr 19, 2014, 05:36 PM
TheOriginalMe's Avatar
TheOriginalMe TheOriginalMe is offline
Out of Order
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 16,091
I'm sure that people aren't really against you or hating you. But it is a very common feeling for most of us to have every so often, you just seem more sensitive to that feeling than other people.

If people are showing their concern and noticing you then that means they care about you. Let them reach out to you a little, and respond by being polite and maybe deflecting the attention back on to them by asking about their welfare. So if someone says "Hey how are you doing?" you could say "Oh, so-so but I'd rather not talk about it, but tell me how you are?" Most people love to talk about themselves so will be easily diverted by the opportunity you would be giving them.
__________________
  #19  
Old Apr 19, 2014, 10:50 PM
The Fox & the Hound The Fox & the Hound is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 629
I've only had one person notice something about me ,& they were worried. Not many people are worried, unless I'm really sick.

Neither do people ask how I am. Sometimes they do, but I say I'm ok,& happy. When I'm really depressed
  #20  
Old Apr 20, 2014, 12:01 AM
Paige74 Paige74 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Posts: 10
I think that's because so many people just keep to themselves these days. So, maybe people noticed that you may not be yourself that day, but so many don't want to take the time or just feel they are interfering and should mind their own business.
I think the days of long ago, when people communicated all the time - directly, face-to-face - no text messages or internet, is how things should be. When neighbors would visit each other on the porch and people socialized all through the day. Now we all just keep to ourselves. This makes for a very lonely planet of people.
Hugs from:
TheOriginalMe
  #21  
Old Apr 20, 2014, 06:50 PM
TheOriginalMe's Avatar
TheOriginalMe TheOriginalMe is offline
Out of Order
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 16,091
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Fox & the Hound View Post
I've only had one person notice something about me ,& they were worried. Not many people are worried, unless I'm really sick.

Neither do people ask how I am. Sometimes they do, but I say I'm ok,& happy. When I'm really depressed
I relate to your feelings, in fact the main difference between us is age (and that is of no consequence). I know you're feeling bad, because I'm like that too. I worry about you because I can remember how it felt when I was younger, especially having no-one to talk to and being too scared to say to anyone what was happening. I also want someone to notice and care, but I'm scared of showing I'm vulnerable and I don't want to cause worry. It is mad to feel like that and be so contrary, wanting things and then not being able to accept those things if they are offered.

All I can say is that, in time you will get a little braver about reaching out and letting people reach out to you. It is a good thing that you are here on PC because there are lots of people who have been exactly where you are, but don't let PC stop you from getting support IRL.
__________________
  #22  
Old Apr 20, 2014, 07:16 PM
The Fox & the Hound The Fox & the Hound is offline
Veteran Member
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 629
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheOriginalMe View Post
I relate to your feelings, in fact the main difference between us is age (and that is of no consequence). I know you're feeling bad, because I'm like that too. I worry about you because I can remember how it felt when I was younger, especially having no-one to talk to and being too scared to say to anyone what was happening. I also want someone to notice and care, but I'm scared of showing I'm vulnerable and I don't want to cause worry. It is mad to feel like that and be so contrary, wanting things and then not being able to accept those things if they are offered.

All I can say is that, in time you will get a little braver about reaching out and letting people reach out to you. It is a good thing that you are here on PC because there are lots of people who have been exactly where you are, but don't let PC stop you from getting support IRL.
Thank you.I want to tell the Teacher who noticed, but I can't. For one I am way too scared, I don't like when people worry, I don't feel comfortable telling someone about my depression, & I do not want my parents to worry.

I feel like if I don't tell anyone soon, I will go through with my plan. I contemplated it almost everyday, & actually have considered it. Came extremely close once(& I wish I could of carried it out).

Not only that, but I have a lot of other things I deal with.
  #23  
Old Apr 20, 2014, 07:41 PM
TheOriginalMe's Avatar
TheOriginalMe TheOriginalMe is offline
Out of Order
 
Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 16,091
I think you are really close to reaching out IRL. You recognise just how important it is to tell someone your feelings. When you do reach out you will be so overwhelmed by relief that you will forget about the fears you have of causing others worry and anxiety.

If you don't reach out and instead act on those other urges then you will cause people far more worry and hurt than you can ever believe possible right now. Trust me, I KNOW. I did something once and seeing how much pain I caused was much much worse than any problem I've had before or since.

Stay strong and know that there are always friends here on PC who want to keep you safe.
__________________
Reply
Views: 15384

attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:44 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2025, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.




 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.