[notthisagain]

That's how I feel right now.

I have been on short-term from work since the beginning of March for depression and anxiety. This has been going on for years. Most of the time it's manageable, but every few years I really fall down the rabbit hole. This happens to be one of those times.

It just seems like people either don't listen, or they throw out trite solutions as if I'll be forever cured of my depression and anxiety if I just do this one little thing. For example, my therapist asked me if I've thought of volunteering, and my doctor said "just force yourself to go to the gym". I tell myself that they are just trying to help, but right now, it's a victory if I get up, take a shower, get dressed, and do a couple of errands around the house. I am and have been on different medications. I've read numerous self-help books and gone to many different therapists. I've tried exercise, supplements, bought all kinds of different things to help me sleep (different pillows, lavendar spray, sleep masks), made changes to my diet, all sorts of things. Still have anxiety and depression.

When people throw out suggestions like this, I get mad at myself and annoyed with them because right now, I can't "just do it".

[greentires4me]

I guess starting from ground zero with a new approach to life isn't possible or is it?

the nike slogan "just do it" I know were not perfect me too I find it hard to just do it as well. Its a challenge just to wake up and stay awake, to shower, get out and do things. My nurses say "how about volunteering...it will help you get a job faster." or "why don't you go out to the rainbow club and hangout with new people" you know what I rather not I know volunteering doesn't help me get job...I have a background of volunteering but that never helped me get a job somewhere.

I was even told in the psychward by this therapist not connected to the hospital just outside one "to have sex with my guy friend it would relieve my depression and anxiety"

I just saying I know what its like. I manage my anxiety little bit here and there I reassure myself its irrational thoughts and its okay to feel the emotion but not the irrational pressure. I tell myself it will be okay and just breathe it will slowly go away, just keep breathing focus on something.

[Curupira]

Scientifically a lot of these things do help (which makes it more annoying). I guess people are just trying to help but sometimes it feels like what they are recomending is so outside of the scope of reality that I just want to scream.

Sorry it sucks

I am sorry..... what did you ask?

I am in the same boat as you. I'm not working right now because I don't feel as though I am able to. My T suggested I volunteer somewhere, and friends and family have lots of suggestions about what steps I could take to improve my depression. I know they're doing the best they know how to to be helpful, but it makes me feel like they don't understand that I, too, can barely get out of bed, bathe for the day and do simple things around the house. Every activity is a huge challenge for me, so I get where you are.

[regretful]

It's as if our "support systems" have all read the same books. Those suggestions of volunteering have been hurled at me from everyone. In my last therapy session the psychologist told me, "I see a lot of people that are doing just fine with exercise alone." I think they mean well...but the depression is still right there for me.

[LaborIntensive]

I have lost jobs many times in my life from this. If i miss a few days from work I can promise they will fire me in a few weeks time. Hang in there and seek out the help you need. It sounds like you have a great place to work that is willing to work with you.

[Lorn]

Well, I know many people don't listen. It's noticeable when someone is putting words in your mouth or not giving you a chance to explain before they're telling you how to fix yourself. It's why I rarely bother opening up to anyone besides close friends about my problems, because very few people are truly willing to engage and that energy can be better spent brainstorming or going on a jog.

In the case of doctors and professionals, though, they have to encourage patients to try, try, and try some more. A therapist should also be there to listen and give individual feedback, but depression is a vicious thing to live with so no options should be left undiscussed. Any ground gained will matter.

[notthisagain]

Originally Posted by newgal2

I am in the same boat as you. I'm not working right now because I don't feel as though I am able to. My T suggested I volunteer somewhere, and friends and family have lots of suggestions about what steps I could take to improve my depression. I know they're doing the best they know how to to be helpful, but it makes me feel like they don't understand that I, too, can barely get out of bed, bathe for the day and do simple things around the house. Every activity is a huge challenge for me, so I get where you are.

Exactly. Right now I feel that what they are telling me to do, well, it's like telling someone who's relearning how to walk to just go out and run a marathon. Whoa! One step at a time! I'm already pushing myself to do things like get out of bed, get dressed, eat something, pick up things around the house. If this was just a matter of willpower, I would have never even taken time off of work! But, it's not me just not "wanting" to do things, or being lazy, or negative. Ugh. Sometimes I think that people throw out these suggestions to make themselves feel better.

What's ironic is that when I tell my therapist, my doctor, or other people what I've tried/am trying, like the things that I bought to help my insomnia, and changing my diet and taking supplements, they say I am trying too hard, or that I "don't really need to do that." I kinda got fed up and am taking things in my own hands, learning about nutrition, and how our diets are deficient in some crucial nutrients. I feel like a guinea pig already, so why not try that? Of course, I'm still taking my meds and everything, I didn't abandon that, but what I'm doing isn't working and I need to try something else. I just feel like the health care community doesn't really understand and they are really just throwing solutions at the problem to see what sticks.

[QuietSoul2014]

I'm listening. I hear you all.

It seems only like-minded people listen to like-minded people.

I guess I'm depressed. I mean people keep telling me I am over the years. Doctor thinks I have an anxiety disorder with Agoraphobia. First, he didn't say what kind of anxiety disorder and I don't know where he came up with Agoraphobia. It got me sick leave from work. I was having pains in my chest and hard to breathe, migraine headaches, couldn't focus and very forgetful, insomnia and I was exhausted all the time.

I haven't had many of those symptoms lately, but every time I think about going back to work, they all come rushing back. I feel angry a lot, lately, too. I feel the dark mood growing and I fight it off every day. Stupid things are annoying me greatly. I feel this immense pressure that at any moment I could explode ... and what makes it very annoying and scary is ... I have no idea why.

[BeatlesFan64]

I know what you mean, it feels as if people just expect you to shake it off. They don't understand because they have never experienced depression to the same degree. I hate it when people don't think about what they say before they say it. I think the worst thing that somebody can tell me after they know I am struggling is, "feel better", as if I am just sick and it will just go away soon. They don't realize how difficult it is to do anything.

[hvert]

I really hate it when people suggest volunteering. Volunteering can be worse than working for money -- at least if someone is paying for your time, they might be more likely to treat it as if it is worth something.

[Fuzzybear]

[notthisagain]

The thing is, something like volunteering may be good when I'm on an even keel again- just not now. I get where people are coming from when they say to help others or to volunteer - they think that helping people helps to get your mind off of your own problems. And that's helpful for different people in different situations, but not when someone's struggling just to get out of bed, and when things like taking a shower and going through the mail seem like monumental tasks. My T and I came up with a list of goals to set, and I wrote down several different things, but at the same time, I didn't want to overwhelm myself and set myself up to fail. She said "That's not really a lot." She suggested going to a movie. There's nothing that I really want to see, and spending time and money on a movie that I don't want to watch isn't going to help me. She almost sounded offended when I said I did not want to do that.

Sometimes I think that people forget that what may help them may not necessarily help someone else. She thinks that I should find another job, because when I tell her about it, she says that it would drive her crazy. Maybe she's trying to empathize, but at the end of the day, it's not about her. I said that I'm looking into vitamin and mineral supplementation, and I'm finding that most of us are deficient in some crucial minerals. She said, "I don't think that's the problem." My GP also sounds like she's throwing spaghetti against the wall to see what sticks. She was going to prescribe Wellbutrin along with what I'm already taking, even though (and she has this in her notes) that it made me break out in a rash.

Just because I have depression and anxiety doesn't mean that I'm stupid. I have a hard time verbalizing what's wrong, but I guess I just don't feel "heard", or that my concerns are being negated.

[Paige74]

I think it's especially frustrating when "professionals", like the counselors and psychiatrists, can't help us (who have depression).
I think it may take someone who has been through depression, to ever be able to find a solution or cure, or maybe we should be the ones helping each other, since only we really understand what it's like to not be able to get up in the morning, or get through the day? Just thoughts.
I am sorry for your frustrations. I quit my job last fall, so I understand what it's like to not be able to work and how it really affects our confidence and self-esteem.

[A.Lone]

I don't know if it's not listening (yeah, they are trying), but the answers don't seem to help. "Just go out & meet people" or "change your counselor." I even get that from my brother, but we've got different personalities and live in different worlds (he's a professional in a large city and I'm extremely introverted in a small city where services aren't that readily available). It's one thing to say what to do, but another to say HOW to do it.

Even though I've been at the same job for years, I feel guilty in taking time off work to see someone "professionally" (Monday-Friday 9am - 5pm doesn't cut it when you work those hours). My brother, who is also going through his share of things, frowns on me even being in a discussion board like this. But it's the only option I see.