Happy Easter

So I have been doing very well on my current meds. Much much better than in a very long time. And here I am on Easter surrounded by family and they are all happy happy. I am the black sheep of the family, always have been.

The thing is I never really get to happy. It has always been this way. Even at the very best that I have ever been in my life I get glimpses of happy. I am currently very calm, content, and even serene but not really happy. Very rarely so I feel joy or happy.

I learned a long time ago I had to be content with contentment. If content is all I ever get it will have to be good enough.

Happy Easter, zinco! I'm glad you are at least able to feel contentment. A great way for me to describe my depression is definitely lack of joy or happiness but also a continual lack of contentment. Hope you can experience some job/happiness soon!

Happy Easter!!!!

Happy Easter!

I find this emotion fleeting these days as well. I think back to my youth and often I was called "mean old man" by some friends of mine. This was due to my analytical mindset and not wanting to ever do anything "stupid". I didn't get into making fun of other kids, throwing rocks through windows, lighting fires or anything along these lines.

I guess we have to take our happiness where we can. For me it is the moments I get back from working out at the gym or when the weather changes dramatically or learn something just utterly groundbreaking.

Happy Easter to you too!

I've struggled a bit today as well. Holidays can be tough, because everyone else is celebrating, and it's easy to feel left out if you're not able to be happy with them. But I hope you were able to enjoy your family time anyway.

It's a bit late for Happy Easter in the UK, but I guess it is still Easter Day in Michigan, so belated greetings!

Your post reminded me that when emerging from depression in the past, it was an acceptance of fleeting pleasures from little things that signalled the transition. I've never found "happy" and maybe never will, but there will be pleasure and peace once again and at the moment it is becoming possible to imagine that.

I guess I am realizing that emerging from a depression is a process. I have never really thought of it that way. Maybe because in the past they were always of shorter duration. Now they are lasting much longer and take longer to come out of. At first I was very hypo manic and wired. Then that balanced out and I had a lot of calm days. This weekend I went from friday night being all amped up being around my family and feeling really good, to being very calm on saturday and still enjoying my family, to sunday morning being fine and going to church, and then sunday afternoon my mood took a huge nose dive. I don't know why. I know the hypo mania and wired stuff was due to the fetzima and it seemed to be balancing out. Now since yesterday afternoon I am getting depressed. I don't want to go into another depression. I think it has a lot to due with being around my family. They are successful and seem very happy and here I am living with my parents with no income feeling like a burden. The better I feel the more guilty I feel about no working and supporting myself. It's a double edged sword. I was very anxious for them all to leave yesterday. I started feeling very left out for some reason. It was nothing they did. Something triggered this change in mood and I cannot really put my finger on it.

When I am feeling better I also start thinking about wanting to be in a relationship. Why shouldn't I be able to be in one and be happy damn it. I have not been in one for ten years and it ended because she could not handle my depression. Then there are the sexual side effects from the meds. So I think it is never going to happen and that makes me sad.

This business of coming out of a depression and even of not being depressed is a struggle as well. Ain't life a *****.