[sph123]

Like many people on here, I have been struggling with anxiety & depression for years. It started in my late teens and I have been hospitalized and gone through out-patient treatment programs. I have been seeing a therapist since I was first diagnosed, but I feel like it really hasn't helped. I have been on medication for about 7 years, which I think has helped.

At 37 I feel like life has just passed me by. I just watch life from the sidelines. No one in my life seems to understand how miserable I am since I seem to be fairly high-functioning at the moment. I get up every day and go to my job.

My personal life is almost non-existent. I don't have a strong support system. Most of my friends are married, have families, and have their own issues. My own family just makes my depression worse. And I haven't had a solid relationship in about 7 years.

People tell me to go out and do stuff, but I just can't muster up the interest. I just want to stay in my hole. I hate socializing and find it exhausting. I'm trapped in my own head; ruminating about everything.

All I ever wanted is my own family and now I see that it is probably not going to happen. I don't even know what I am trying to say. I am just so sad and lonely all the time and it's so painful.

[Heather11]

It's so lonely to feel the way you do. I've felt the same. It's difficult to listen to others so easily telling you to be active when you just don't feel it. It's hard but sometimes you will have to push yourself. I do. A little fake it until you make it. The times I make the effort show me that it can be done and what life is like when you can get past things and try.
It takes a lot of energy-it is exhausting sometimes- to get your head in the game but I feel successful when I Am in the game,rather than not... I am writing this now after spending the weekend sitting at home with only a few purposeful outings. But that's not what I want so I know I am the one who will have to change if I want my situation to change.
It's small steps and some setbacks to figure out along the way but try to look at the positives, whatever they may be. All the best.
Heather

[Maria38Divine]

Welcome to the club! I'm 42, soon to be 43, no family of my own, often very lonely. A couple hours ago I was wondering what I could possibly do to improve my social life. It's non-existent. But alas, all the things I could think of require money, which I haven't had a lot of these past several months. Regardless, I've got a couple movies I really want to see and a garden I want to revisit. I could pull my young aunt along instead of going alone (I'm typically a loner). Am I giving you any ideas yet? Let's help each other over this mighty hump.

[Bigmike727]

Hi sph123, I feel the exact same way as you, like my life is just passing by, well except that I am almost eighteen. I understand how it feels like nobody is there to understand what you face, but atleast the community here is very receptive and willing to help. Wishing you the best.

[sph123]

Originally Posted by Maria38Divine

Welcome to the club! I'm 42, soon to be 43, no family of my own, often very lonely. A couple hours ago I was wondering what I could possibly do to improve my social life. It's non-existent. But alas, all the things I could think of require money, which I haven't had a lot of these past several months. Regardless, I've got a couple movies I really want to see and a garden I want to revisit. I could pull my young aunt along instead of going alone (I'm typically a loner). Am I giving you any ideas yet? Let's help each other over this mighty hump.

I have been trying to do some activities, but haven't made any new friends through these activities. When I was younger, it was easy to make friends who were also interested in staying friends. These days it has become out-of-sight, out-of-mind. I have lots of acquaintances which makes the loneliness worse.

I just don't even know what interests me to be honest. It sounds cliche, but I have lost interest in almost everything, everything except my dogs. And I just prefer the company of my dogs rather than socializing with my dogs with other people.

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by sph123

Like many people on here, I have been struggling with anxiety & depression for years. It started in my late teens and I have been hospitalized and gone through out-patient treatment programs. I have been seeing a therapist since I was first diagnosed, but I feel like it really hasn't helped. I have been on medication for about 7 years, which I think has helped.

At 37 I feel like life has just passed me by. I just watch life from the sidelines. No one in my life seems to understand how miserable I am since I seem to be fairly high-functioning at the moment. I get up every day and go to my job.

My personal life is almost non-existent. I don't have a strong support system. Most of my friends are married, have families, and have their own issues. My own family just makes my depression worse. And I haven't had a solid relationship in about 7 years.

People tell me to go out and do stuff, but I just can't muster up the interest. I just want to stay in my hole. I hate socializing and find it exhausting. I'm trapped in my own head; ruminating about everything.

All I ever wanted is my own family and now I see that it is probably not going to happen. I don't even know what I am trying to say. I am just so sad and lonely all the time and it's so painful.

I'm a bit older than you, and I relate to your last paragraph, a family of my own would have been the world to me. It didn't happen, I'm 49 so it really is too late for me. When I was about your age I thought it would destroy me not having a family but I have come to realise that it would have been so unfair of me to risk passing on my depression (either through genetics, unstable home life or a combination of the two). I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy so I would never forgive myself if I passed it on to a child. (Those are simply my feelings about me and I don't mean my comments to pass judgement on your hopes and wishes).

Despite my better insight into why I have not fulfilled my desire to have a family, I still feel empty and lonely, the pain is intense. You may be lonely but you are not alone.

The only advice I have is to try and live a little more in the real world and a little less in your head. I know how hard it is to do that and I really don't know where to begin doing that for myself.

[Maria38Divine]

Originally Posted by sph123

I have been trying to do some activities, but haven't made any new friends through these activities. When I was younger, it was easy to make friends who were also interested in staying friends. These days it has become out-of-sight, out-of-mind. I have lots of acquaintances which makes the loneliness worse.

I just don't even know what interests me to be honest. It sounds cliche, but I have lost interest in almost everything, everything except my dogs. And I just prefer the company of my dogs rather than socializing with my dogs with other people.

I so understand. I have lots of numbers in my phone, but outside of family, no one calls. Seems I'm always the one making the effort to reach out. It's discouraging. I don't meet anyone when I go out by myself either, but I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life, so I need to do something other than sit home alone. Last week I sat in the park and read a book. It was good to be out the house for a while. Think of it as doing something for you. If you meet a friend in the process then that would be an added bonus.

TheOriginalMe, I thought I was the only one who thought like that. When I got to 40, I rationalized it like that too, so the yearning wouldn't be so bad. It helped. Now and then, I wonder what it would've been like to have a child, but I don't dwell on it and I'm not sad about it.

[sph123]

Originally Posted by Maria38Divine

I so understand. I have lots of numbers in my phone, but outside of family, no one calls. Seems I'm always the one making the effort to reach out. It's discouraging. I don't meet anyone when I go out by myself either, but I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life, so I need to do something other than sit home alone. Last week I sat in the park and read a book. It was good to be out the house for a while. Think of it as doing something for you. If you meet a friend in the process then that would be an added bonus.

TheOriginalMe, I thought I was the only one who thought like that. When I got to 40, I rationalized it like that too, so the yearning wouldn't be so bad. It helped. Now and then, I wonder what it would've been like to have a child, but I don't dwell on it and I'm not sad about it.

These replies actually comfort me. I thought about sitting in the park this weekend and reading a book, but I hate the thought of being surrounded by people and still feeling so lonely. So I just stayed inside.

As far as wanting a family, I am just starting to realize it is probably not going to happen so I still have a ways to go before I am comfortable with "hand" that I was dealt.

[Idiot17]

I can definitely relate to being around people and yet still feel extremely lonely.
(((((hugs))))))

[Beepee]

I have the same feelings even though I do have two sons. They both have high functioning autism. I haven't had a relationship since I divorced 20 years ago. No new friends in a long time. I do have a couple of old friends. I don't think anyone can tolerate my differences. All I can say is try to do things that you like and try to enjoy what you can in life. I have my cats and small garden. The rest of life I just try to appear normal. HUGS to all of you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[waterknob1234]

I feel lonely since my children grew up and moved away. I understand not being comfortable in the social scene. I like to curl up at home with my dog. It would be good to find a hobby. I think depression takes away so much of our motivation. I find I just have to force myself to do stuff. Good luck. We care about you.

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by sph123

so I still have a ways to go before I am comfortable with "hand" that I was dealt.

You have described much of my life. I was considered "high functioning" because I could hold down a job. All I did was work and sleep. For many years i did manage to always go to therapy and was real involved in AA for a long time. I did all those things because I thought they would help me and they have, but it got harder and harder. The number of friends I had slowly went down. I never cleaned my house. Work and sleep was often all I could do. This doesn't even count the periods of severe depression. this is just my normal mild to moderate. It has gotten much worse as I have gotten older. All the meds and all the therapy and AA and Alanon and meditation and on and on have helped me a great deal and I am grateful, but they haven't cured me. If fact as I have said it has gotten worse in the last five years. I am 50.

So there is a lot to be said for accepting the hand life has dealt you. Surrender and acceptance is a paradox because it actually helps a lot. Some things we have no power to change. I can't change what others do and say, just one example. I have not been in a relationship in over ten years. I had a family and daughter but got divorced so lost it. My daughter is 21.

Surrender and acceptance are powerful tools. It doesn't mean that we give up hope or stop trying. I would very much like to be in a relationship again and it may happen. Don't ever stop trying anything that might help. But accepting, honoring, finding meaning and purpose in our suffering are powerful allies.

[Maria38Divine]

Originally Posted by sph123

As far as wanting a family, I am just starting to realize it is probably not going to happen so I still have a ways to go before I am comfortable with "hand" that I was dealt.

Sph123, you're 37! Heck, sometimes I wish I was under 40. It would buy me more time. Don't throw in the towel just yet on having children. But do start conditioning your mind. In other words, if it happens, be okay with it (this is the easy part). If it doesn't happen, still be okay with it (this takes a few serious talks with self). The truth is: none of us really knows the hand we've been dealt. We might know a few cards, but not the full hand, because we really don't have all the information on how our lives will turn out and where we'll end up. Hence, we can hope, even if the present looks dismal. (I'm encouraging myself too as I'm telling you all this)

I have my fingers crossed for both of us plus everyone here hoping for a new, fulfilling relationship.

[Fuzzybear]