I'm a human reject, a defective product. I thought I could be fixed, but I now realize that I was never working properly to begin with. I've always been a broken mess. I'm so weak, selfish, and cowardly; these are ingrained into my genes. I can't be what anyone wants or needs. I'll always be garbage.

I know this is whiny and stupid. I know I'm a loser for saying these things. You can mock me if you want. It doesn't matter, because I don't matter. So rip me apart...I deserve it....

[octoberpumpkin]

I feel very similar to you right now. I'm really sorry. I wish I had a solution.

I don't think you're a loser. I don't think you're defective. Its probably hard for me to convince you of those things when I can't even convince myself of those things about me.

But maybe at least knowing you aren't the only one going through it will provide some small comfort.

I remember replying to another post you made similar to this one not too long ago...I'm not going to go to another thread & *not* reply to you since you need a reminder.

You've found a good place to express your feelings. Most of us are here because we're dealing with *something*....keep posting around if you can & you'll see how supportive this community is ^.^

Sometimes we need to be reminded we're not the only one, that there's others too.

It doesn't. I have never found comfort knowing other people feel the same way, because I have always been aware of that fact. Statistically, it is impossible for me to be the only one feeling or doing anything unique. So, it doesn't help at all, but I don't WANT help with this.

I don't understand it. I ask for abuse and people don't give it to me. I don't ask for abuse and everyone jumps on board.

[mulan]

You matter, even you feel like this keep that in mind. We can't please everybody everytime. Indeed there will be some point in life that even the ones that like us the most will be desapointed by ourselves.
I will not insult you, and even you feel like that I bet you rather want someone to praise you and say that you're important.
Not everyone is perfect, and sometimes the most selfish ones, are the ones most people recognize some value. Some people are just good to pretend they are what they aren't.
I do feel the same, because in my life, at college, there isn't a single person who cares about me, who likes me, who prefer to be with me than with somebody else.
It's inevitable for me to search the reasons that explain that. I have been called selfish a million times, specially by my family members. But maybe I'm not.
It's so hard to give an hand to someone when we are struggling. Maybe you do need to be more selfish than you are now, maybe you need to think more about who you are and what you want, than think how to be the perfect person able to please the others.

[birchtree]

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. Please feel free to tell us how you feel. *you* are not defective; it is the defective chemicals in your brain that are telling you that you are. I don't even know if that makes sense. Hugs

Hey Lone Soldier. If anything, you probably like me, I wouldn't know happiness if it struck me in the face, I don't think I've ever smiled or been happy my entire life. Ever since I can remember it's been mechanical and cold, and everything that happens that is bad, I feel I've had a hand in it somehow and this is my deserved punishment. I feel for you, this is terrible. times 10.

I agree, knowing that others are going through the same thing doesn't help. Most of the time it makes me feel guilty, because I'm always convinced what I'm feeling is nothing compared to the pain others go through.

Originally Posted by StbGuy

Hey Lone Soldier. If anything, you probably like me, I wouldn't know happiness if it struck me in the face, I don't think I've ever smiled or been happy my entire life. Ever since I can remember it's been mechanical and cold, and everything that happens that is bad, I feel I've had a hand in it somehow and this is my deserved punishment. I feel for you, this is terrible. times 10.

I agree, knowing that others are going through the same thing doesn't help. Most of the time it makes me feel guilty, because I'm always convinced what I'm feeling is nothing compared to the pain others go through.

I was happy for three days out the past 15 years or so. I can tell the difference, because the contrast is so extreme. It was really great, but I don't think it's my place to be happy. I don't deserve it.

You probably could be fixed if you were actually willing to try rather than just sitting there whining and lashing out at everyone that tries to help you.

Originally Posted by BeteNoire

You probably could be fixed if you were actually willing to try rather than just sitting there whining and lashing out at everyone that tries to help you.

I was hoping someone would bash me for my incessant whining. Thank you kindly. And that isn't sarcasm.

[mikeysmom322]

At least your not a killer or terrorist or anything that would make the fbi come after you.

Glad to have been of service. (That was sarcastic BTW.)

There's nothing wrong with whining. It's when you whine and then refuse to do anything about it that's a problem.

Why come to as support site at all if all you're going to do is cry poor me and ignore/hurt everyone who tries to help?

Could it be because despite all you say about not wanting to care you actually want help but are simply trying to keep up appearances?

Perhaps you simply enjoy wallowing in self pity?

Or maybe you just enjoy the attention acting like this brings you?

Why do you do what you do?

[Fuzzybear]