This is wrong thinking isn't it?

I just had a thought cross my mind that I happen to think a lot. I've been going through a bad depression for the last 6 months that I can't seem to crawl out of. I often compare myself to others, especially my parents since I've lived with them for over 10 years (I'm 41). I think "Why can't you be happy, Mage? Your parents don't go to therapy or take meds so why do you have to do that to get better? They seem to get by on sheer force of will." Of course they were born in the 1930's to poor families so maybe they just "had to" develop coping skills that I never had to develop. I had it easy growing up compared to them. Maybe that's my problem? I don't know.

I also think that since depression runs on both sides of my family, it had to pick someone to smother and it picked me. I feel as though it's some sort of malicious ghostly entity roaming amongst all my relatives until it found the slightest sign of weakness in me and drove its depression dagger deep within me and the wound, like Frodo's wound at Weathertop, will never fully heal.

Should I be like my parents? Should I just get mad at depression and decide to just punch it in the face and get on with life? Part of me wonders if I may just "want to feel this way". Like maybe I somehow enjoy the melancholy. I admit, I have been one to watch sad movies on purpose while I'm half drunk and just cry and cry. I don't drink anymore.

I'm rambling. Sigh. Let's see, what's my point...oh yeah, is it not wrong for me to think that because the people around me who are related to me seem to be coping with whatever life throws at them that I should be equally capable of doing the same? I know I am not them, but I struggle with this every day.

Hmmm... I speculate this:
is much closer to the truth than this:
I also ask myself about the role my upbringing plays in the persistence of the depression I experience. I have no certain answers.

The crappy thing about depression is you can't just punch it in the face and make it go away, I like your comparison to Frodo's wound, that seems pretty apt. It's not that simple to get rid of...if only!

The thing with the older generation, they're not immune to depression either. Maybe they were just too proud to admit it. I only found out in the last couple of years due to my own depression that my nan also suffered badly with it, and yes she was born in the 1930s. I think it is just slightly better accepted nowadays to be spoken about.

We are all different and all cope in different ways, but however you cope doesn't make you weak or anything like that.

just because those around you are coping, doesn't mean that you are able to. everybody is born different and giving a different set of skills. some people are naturally more resilient. I often wonder what separated me from my sister. she was much more mentally ill than I and spent years hospitalized. how did I get so lucky? developing effective coping skills is learned as well. you can ask family members how they coped and learn from them. try doing what you said, fake it till you make it. whatever works. I tried anything. eventually it was finding the right med and therapy and the magic wand was there. just never give up. take care.

Thanks for the replies everyone. It's nice to be heard.

How are you doing today?

Well, I've been fighting the feeling that the bottom is going to fall out any second, honestly. The Gabapentins have been slightly numbing me out, but I have some moments where I feel I might tear up.

Mage, you sound very similar to me. I am 43, I don't live with my parents but they have supported me financially for the last 3 years after my ex and I seperated. Everyone in my family "has got it together". They don't struggle. I do depression & addiction are my top 2 issues but plenty more. I guess I don't have any advice seeing as I am in my own depressive corner right now, but I just wanted you to know, I relate ... you're not alone. Hang in there.

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Conversation between me and my mother that has happened too many times to count: "Mom, I just don't feel like getting out of bed most days.", I say. "Oh I know, I have those days too where I just don't feel like getting up, but I do it because I have to.", says Mom.

Maybe I need to "create" something I have to get up for. I just don't know what. I don't feel strong enough to go get a job just yet. It really bothers me to think I may never become strong enough.

Same here. Too mant times I've been told to just get up, just do it. It just doesn't work that way. I exhaust myself before I can get out of bed, thinking about how I should snap out of it and try to live a normal life. The times I do get out, I am pretending, by the end of the day I am crying & exhausted. It takes so much energy. I don't feel strong enough to work yet either but I know I can't depend on my parents forever. I have issues with over dependence with people. My ex was abusive & controlling. I am left depressed and feeling like I can't think for myself.

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