[tita]

i'm starting to lose hope in myself My 15 yr old daughter had writen me a short note saying she wished I wasn't part of her life esspeacialy now cause she say it's my fault for her being diagnosed as a borederline if it wasnt for me she wouldn't have this disease, and she also blames me for abandoning her when she was a baby In truth I gave her father cusdody cause I was to sick to take care of an infant it was the hardest day in my life Protectective services wanted to put her in a foster home I been there,
not a great way to come up ever since I got that letter I been real depressed, sleeping all the time, crying,or reading or writing in my journel I'm having a bad time
her father said I should support her and respect what she said at least He dont hate me I dont think she knew what that letter would do to me,I'm not getting therapy still I hate what I become just an an anymomous cripple in a nursing home I'm sorry just venting thanks
crista ortiz

tita, i'm sorry that you are feeling so hurt right now. you did the best that you could do when you knew you couldn't care for your daughter. someday, when she's more mature, she will come to realize that. meanwhile, please don't beat yourself up over this. i know it hurts and it depresses you......but this will pass.....xoxoxo pat

[Perna]

Tita, you know the facts and your daughter doesn't or doesn't choose to and she's a teenager! Teenagers are trying to grow away from their parents and become their own selves; it's a hard job and often they say/do things that hurt others.

You have never been responsible for your daughters actions. She is a whole different person. You can't "control" another person, not even a child. You couldn't have guessed she would become borderline, not everyone in her similar situations does, and you certainly didn't with that for her! Don't let your daughter's cruelty hurt you. She has her path, whatever it is, that she's beginning to follow, you have your path -- ahead of you -- that you should be looking toward and how to follow. You can look "across" to your daughter now, try to send her love and encouragement on her path but you have done the best you could launching her on her way and the rest is up to her.

Try not to take her anger personally. She's struggling (as you are) and it's hard for her since she's so young and inexperienced. Think of some "noncommittal" things to say to her to help her with her anger and fear? I would say things like "Yes, if it helps you to think that way" when she accuses you of some "crime" and try to be as calm and even/smiling as I could be, not reacting to her anger. Remember when she was small and would be angry? It is not much different I don't think. Parents usually don't take their 2 year old's or 6 year old's anger personally, they just deal with whatever waves or situation it is making. Do the same now. Help her calm down (take the screaming child out of the grocery store or restaurant) with "soothing" words and/or a "time out" of sorts appropriate to a teenager.

[adamsgirl]

My 13 year old daughter just told me that she no longer wants me in her life. She has been living with her sad just over a year now. Having bp has made me have to make some tough decisions in my life, but that does not mean that they were the wrong decisions. Your daughter is angry right now, but this situation will take a whole lifetime to work out. It seems bleak right now, but your daughter will come around. You are her mother and as much as she might like to right now, she cannot change that. As long as you are still breathing, there is hope. Take one day at a time or one minute at at time or one second if you have to. Also it would probably help you a lot if you were in therapy and talking to someone about all of this. I kmnow that if you hang in there, it will get better. Your daughter will come around, just don't give up on her or on yourself.

[Christina86]

((((((((Hugs))))))))))

That isn't a nice thing to hear at all. I'm really sorry about everything that's happening right now for you - if you ever want to talk, just PM me okay?