How to find a signifigant other

I was wondering how those who are married or in a relationship found their signifigant other? Did the depression set in after the relationship? For me, I am on cloud nine thinkng this is going to be the one. After a few months I get bored and try to distance myself from her unconciously. My therapist thinks it is because of a personality disorder called Schizoid Personality Disorder. Here are the symptoms and I have most if not all.

neither desires nor enjoys close relationships, including being part of a family
almost always chooses solitary activities
has little, if any, interest in having sexual experiences with another person
takes pleasure in few, if any, activities
lacks close friends or confidants other than first-degree relatives
appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others
shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

So when these kick in I am torn between staying and trying to be happy, or satisfying these Schizoid needs and bolting. My brain gets confused and I get depressed, I try to straighten it out and I get depressed more. Its the situation I am in now, only I really really want to keep this one, but I dont think she wants to deal with my problems. That creates more depression. I am hoping that the therapist can erradicat the Schizoid traits so I can enjoy a happy long relationship. Any sngle women out there want to go crazy together?? Just kidding

If I were you but with the experience I have, I would definitely take care of my personal problems before even thinking of starting or keeping a relationship that isn't permanent. Relationships are difficult enough without any excess baggage, like mental illness.

Mental illness of any kind skewes one's perspective of what is reality and what isn't. It's also not fair to expect someone else other than a therapist to deal with our problems. There's one exception that I can think of right off the top of my head; that is if your mental illness reared it's ugly head after you got married. You know, "for better or for worse; in sickness and in health."

My best to you in dealing with your illness.

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

One of my biggest problems is maintaining relationships past a few months. I get bored and move on. It happens all the time. I really dont want to lose her. She means so much to me. If ever there was "the one" she is it. A part of me knows that I should break up with her, but for the first time in my life I am really feeling emotions. Its like 35 years of bottled up emotions are rising up to the surface. I go to the therapist and I talk about losing her and I start crying. IWell, I stop myself but I am able to cry. I didnt even cry when my father died. So something must be working, and I think that she may be a very important tool in this wheter she knows or not. If I can learn how to truly love, it will be with the help of her and I will never lose her. If I lose her and experience complete devastation I will have learned how to love and will be able to love again. I have been witholding joy as well as pain from myself for so long I need to experience them both. I am going to focus on working on my problems with my therapist and my relationship with her. I know its going to be a very tough job, but I am one of those guys who likes the hard jobs. You get better satisfaction. After all, I am a Marine and since when do they do the "smart" thing.

Link,

Are you sure that you're not falling into the trap of believing that "love" must be "perfect" and "true"? You are how you are. She knows that. You know that. Granted, some behavior patterns need to be retrained - I think that applies to all of us in one way or another - but she loves you because of the way you are.

I can tell you right now from being with my fiance for a year and a half and living with him during that time, there are times when you will want to break up. There are times when the other person is going to drive you so far up a wall all you can do is get away for a bit. They're going to annoy you, irritate you, make you mad, make you frustrated and tired. Keep in mind this goes both ways - not only does my fiance occasionally get on my nerves, but I get on his. It's perfectly natural. Two different people from two different backgrounds are GOING to squabble.

On the other hand, all that irritation and snappiness means nothing when we're laughing hysterically at something stupid, doing bad impressions of each other (cracking up even more), cuddled up in bed, cooking dinner together or talking about our day. He really is my best friend, and with him I accept the good and the bad, as he accepts the good and the bad about me. I wouldn't "trade him in" for anything in the world. He's made my life a much better place to live in since he came along, and I always want to spend the rest of my life with him (except when he forgets to put my laundry in the dryer like he volunteered to do so that I wake up with 40 minutes before I leave for work and have zero in the way of dry pants ...Nah, I still love him then.)

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

I know love is not perfect but hard work. She leaves half glasses of water all over my house and took over my master bedroom bathroom and I got pushed into my guest bathroom. But, I loved doing that because those glasses lying around were a part of her. The tanning cream, de-frizzer, curling iron, hair dryer, and 6 different hair products are also part of her. We eat in front of the TV and she will use my laptop keyboard as a place to set her dinner plate. One spill and she could fry the thing out, but I dont care. I am happy to have a lovely woman there to take care of. Its only a laptop, it can be fixed. I am learning its a lot harder to mend a broken heart. And she doesnt live with me either. I just dont know what do to.

I have spent my whole life protecting myself from pain that I blocked out love as well. I am trying to retrain that, but I am not sure if I started to late. I only started seeking help when I first started dating her. I have known for a long time that I needed help. When I met her and saw what might happen I couldnt get to a therapist fast enough. I am very scared of being hurt and because of that I am insecure.

I guess you could equate it to learning to walk. I can spend my life holding on to stuff or take a walk with someone. Just recently I have started to let my emotions out and have been able to cry for the first time in @ 25 years. There are so many factors involved that I get totally bent out of shape about it. I wrote her a long letter explaining how I feel. I want her with me as I work through this tough time. The choice is up to her now. Time will tell. Thanks.

Hey, you asked, I answered. It's up to you to make the final decision. What do I know? I've just had two marriages that failed... but I'm back together with hubby #2 and we're doing fine... since I learned a few things.

BTW, we were married 20 yrs when we separated. Now we're going to celebrate our 28th anniversary next month.

<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>