[oceansoftime]

I've talked about this in my introduction thread.

I'm in my middle 40s and growing up all I wanted was a husband who loved me 2.5 kids, a dog, a cat, all living in the white picket fenced house.

I've been with my partner for almost 19 years and he flatly refuses to get married. When he first mentioned this I thought that eventually he would ask me, especially when the children started to arrive.

I just don't think it's right that after all this time he hasn't stepped forward and did the right thing. I also mull over what's the point now.

He has never done anything remotely romantic for me. I've never received a bday gift from him, no notes, no flowers, he has never said I looked nice and the last time he said I love you was 14 yrs ago.

I'm finding that other people's happiness makes me depressed. His sister has the life I wanted. I hate holidays, seeing people happy. A friend wanted me to see the engagement ring he bought his girlfriend, I pulled out my best reaction but in my mind I couldn't care less and avoid the announcement on Facebook.

My job is the same. One of our accounts was critically low in sales, only 30.00 in sales for the month. Our manager said we needed to improve. Within 3 wks, I sold 735.00 of product and everyone else in the department including the manager sold less than 100.00 and my manager didn't even recognize my achievement, she just thanked everyone as a group.

No one celebrates my successes. I hate feeling jealous but I just want the happiness everyone else has. I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.

Sorry, I'm just really sad today.

[Perna]

I'm sorry you are sad. It sounds like you are hanging around with the "wrong" people for what you want. The last time your partner said he loved you was 14 years ago? Makes me wonder why you have been living with him since 2000 and not moved on to someone who loves you and tells you so! Why are you trying to do well at a job where they don't appreciate you? I'm sure you could get a job with competitors, easily, and they'd appreciate you!

You have nothing to be jealous of, you are as good as they are, as "worthy", it's the idiots around you that are missing out, not seeing it. You're the right size, it's the pants that don't fit. Throw those pants away

[Blues47]

Sounds like he may have some serious problems. I've been in a relationship for several years with a woman I won't marry and I don't give nearly the support she deserves. She thinks I just like my freedom...she's not aware that I'm emotionally crippled and incapable of a healthy relationship. I'm with her because she's busy and her willingness to keep a bit of distance suits me. If you haven't already, you may try getting him to open up...I mean, you probably already sat him down on the couch and tried to get him to talk about your relationship (ugh ) but I mean open up about what's bothering him about himself.

[oceansoftime]

He tells me that he doesn't feel like getting married and that it will change everything.

He absolutely will not talk about his feelings and will not go to counseling.

But... He will open up to a woman who he has had a emotional affair with for many years. She was friends with him during high school, lost contact and then our teenage boys became friends and her back in our lives. She back stabbed me twice and I told him to quit it with her and he told me he did but I knew better after seeing texts. He has no problems opening up to her or telling her how beautiful she is.

It's hard to think about breaking up when your kid hugs you and tells you that she is so happy her parents are still together.

[waterknob1234]

My heart goes out to you because your partner is hurting you in so many ways and you deserve so much better out of life. You would probably have more peace in your life without this man, and I understand you are staying with him partly for the children. I wonder if the kids sense the tension and the problems. If so it is not fair to them but remember, it is his fault, not yours. He is the one causing the problem and having the "emotional affair." I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do with your situation. I just wish you did not have to suffer this way.

[Idiot17]

((((Hugs))))