hello

I'm not sure what to say but I at least wanted to say hello. I just joined these boards and I think I will try to get up the courage to talk, but things aren't going well right now and I'd hate to just post my whole messed-up life here all at once.

I'm mostly just feeling really alone with this illness right now and needed to reach out.

sarah

Welcome to the boards here.

Sometimes it can be helpful just reading and seeing what others are doing and realizing that you aren't alone in this. So don't worry if you don't want to post a lot right away, feel free to "lurk" until you feel comfortable, then post as little or as much as you wish.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Welcome to the forums, sarah. Take all the time you need to let things out. As dex said, you can read for awhile to get the feel of the place.

I know how lonely it can be...no one seems to understand. But you will find lots of people here who know just what you are feeling.

Take care.
mj

Thanks for the welcome, dexter and mj. I've been reading some of the posts here and in other forums. It is good to be among people who understand.

I've been dealing with depression since I was a teenager. It got really bad when I was a young, single mom in my late 20s. I was hospitalized several times, even lost custody of my daughter temporarily. Fortunately I didn't lose her forever.

Ever since then it's been a slow, uphill climb, with lots of backsliding. I'm 42 now and I look around and realize that I never did the things that I wanted to do with my life, and I wonder if it's too late. Or, if it's not too late, if I'll ever be "well" enough to do them.

I say fortunately I didn't lose my daughter, but maybe it hasn't been so fortunate for her. She's had to grow up with "depressed mom" and no contact with her father. She's 18 and on her own and a great kid. She takes care of herself and has a great group of friends and a good job. I'm proud of her.

Right now I'm trying to finish college, get my bachelor's degree that I started back in 1979. It's been a ten-year struggle, and sometimes I've withdrawn and sometimes I've failed classes but mostly I've kept going. Right now it looks like I'm in over my head and may have to withdraw from some classes. Or maybe all of them, not sure.

I feel so stupid because last semester was very hard, and I should have been doing more to take care of myself over the break. I don't have a therapist right now and I need to find someone I can work with. Last week I met with someone who told me after the hour and a half appointment that he didn't think he had the "energy" to work with me right now. I am pretty sure that I want, no, NEED therapy with a lot of structure because I'm so scattered. I'm trying to find someone who actually DOES CBT or DBT. It seems like most therapists when you get right down to it, prefer talk therapy because it means that they don't have to work very hard. Or at least that's what I'm starting to suspect.

Looking back at what I'm writing, it seems that there's some good mixed in with the bad, although from where I'm sitting sometimes it seems like it's all bad. When people here post about their friends and loved ones, I feel so envious because I have so few people in my life that care. Because of my chronic depression, I've found it really hard to keep friendships. Also, I wonder if I'll ever date again.

Has anyone else here experienced long-term depression? How have you dealt with it? Is there a light at the end of the tunnel?

If not, thanks at least for letting me blab.

sarah

Welcome sarah<font color=blue>blue</font color=blue> you don't have to post it all... really, some of us are so depressed we lose our thot in a large post anyway. Take your time... post often....

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Hi and welcome. Sometimes it can help to just hang around and read other posts, you can post as much or little as you'd like. Welcome again.
Chippie