Dealing with Reality's Punch in the Face

My Girlfriend and I were talking about the future when we started to talk about how we both feel disappointed with the way our lives have turned out.

She has a Master’s Degree in History and used to dream of being a world respected expert in medieval Europe. Now she is 27 years old and unable to find work anywhere, even the most casual of office work.

I used to dream of being a world respected expert on insects or the Middle East and Central Asia, or of being a professional chess player. Now I am 23 years old and I have dropped out of university three times, failed truck driving school twice (although I eventually completed it), and now work as an underpaid truck driver in a rural area.

What a significant drop from where I thought I could be to where I am. How painful it is to think about those that have reached the level of accomplishment that I used to dream of and then take inventory of how my life has turned out to be. How come I have never been able to be like Magnus Carlsen? If there was anyone in the world I wish I was, it is him. He is the same age as I am and the world’s highest ranked chess player in history and the current world chess champion not to mention he has earned tens of millions of dollars in his career and looks sexy too. What did I do wrong? How come I am not him?

We both feel like our whole lives have been nothing but a continuous series of failures.

I can totally relate to having your future dreams dashed. I myself have failed thus far to get to my desired profession. Yet perhaps you can still change that, and work on achieving it? Or a happy medium.

Yogurtz, in addition to personal challenges, are you geographically misplaced?

You two aren't failures. The job market is bad right now for almost everyone, so you both are not alone. Why did you drop out of university? As for your GF, has she tried teaching?

Have had the same feelings about myself... I've ended up being a stay-at-home mom whose hobbies are learning French and Icelandic and studying. I love textbooks. I could've been anything I wanted to be but kind of just flailed around since graduation, quit college after a year, and here I am 25 years later. Although I've never really known what I've wanted to do. I have too many interests to narrow it down to any certain thing. But I too live in a rural area, which isn't much help for accomplishing much. My 2 nephews are doing great in the world but have had to leave for larger areas. It can get you down, though. I empathize.

I dreamed since I was a little kid of being a marine biologist, then it changed to bio chemist, I wanted to find the cure for cancer or depression or some big thing. I dropped out of college and ended up a plumber. Now being a plumber is a very respectable trade and I could earn a living but it was the farthest thing ever from my mind when I was 20 years old. Never really achieved any of my dreams. Alcoholism, addiction, depression, anxiety, and all that bull **** robbed me of my dreams i feel. I am 50 now and have accepted it. it is the hand life dealt me and I have had to learn to embrace and accept the way things are. Very far from my ideal. Even the ideal i had 10 years ago. Judging by the diagnosis in your sig you are dealing with a lot and those things do rob us.

Don't feel bad OP. I also was working towards a masters degree in education (had to stop because of the last two semesters because I had to take time off work). Eventually got my master degree I'm something else and guess what? I still have the same job (no promotions). Failed I'm engineering school (wasn't able to finishe my last year) ... And in 2004 got medically dischRged from the Army with an re3 discharge (was not able to get it waived to get back in).

Guess what OP, I have a family, I still hold a job, have also suffered from depression and what I have come to appreciate in life is what we least take for granted. We have a roof, we have food, drink and are not completely disabled (missing an arm, a leg, a terminal desease). Whatever out there brings a paycheck be very happy. As others have pointed out the economy is bad and education is more of a business now so don't feel bad.

Keep struggling guys, together as a couple you can face the obstacles better than alone and with a combined income you can set short term goals and eventually long terms (buying a home, having children). You'll see you'll feel better :-)