[FatPatheticLoserGir]

I am wondering if these self hatred, insecure, disgusting, horrible feelings I have are depression? I feel like I am crawling and everyone else is running. I feel ugly, more than just physically, but just....sour. I can't remember how to enjoy myself. Last year, I gave. Up everything and moved to a city where I no no one for a man. We had a baby right away and I have no friends. Not that I want any, I have serious trust issues. I am beeeeeyond one insecure. I always assume he's cheating, I'm always going through his stuff and I feel as though, in some way, I'm sabotaging our love. He's beautiful and amazing. Granted, we were both married when we ran off together and he did go back to his ex wife for a week, he hasn't messed up at all since then. A normal person would forgive such things and move on right!?

Some days I feel like everyone is in on this huge joke, or know something I don't...and I am left playing the part of the fool.

I have a 6 year old son who is satan himself. He's mean, and vulgar, he's violent and absolutely lazy. He's no fun to be around, but being an at home mom to him n my 3 month old it's impossible NOT to be around him.

I am kid two fearing what I am feeling. Besides the self loathing, that is evident..... How do I overcome? I can't see a dr and meds are way out of the question. Maybe I just need a pal? Will you be my pal??

[Travelinglady]

Hi, FatPatheticLoserGirl, and welcome to Psych Central! It sounds to me like you might be dealing with some depression. In fact, there is such a thing as "post-partum" depression. I was distressed with the weight gain I had after the birth of my children, but I was able to slim down some after each one. And negative feelings about ourselves can be depression talking.

Are you and your baby's husband married now? I have to say that I would be worried until things were official, especially since he did go back to this wife for a week. He needs to end that officially, as far as I am concerned. And, not to add fuel to your fire, but if a man will cheat on one wife, then he is more likely to cheat on another. Sounds like you and he need to have a very serious talk.

Living with a newborn and a difficult six-year-old would be hard for anyone. You do need some friends to be supportive and encouraging. And you also need to be nice to yourself. Could you get out with your children? Mabye go to McDonald's or a place with a playground? I found I dealt with having two children close together easier if we didn't feel all cooped up together. And maybe you can meet other moms, too.

I suggest you consider posting in the Relationships and Communication forum and also in the Healthy Parenting forum, to see what folks there have to say.

Yes, I am willing to be a friend. I can't do a "best buddy," though, because I have to be very busy with my volunteer work here. However, I suggest you check out the social groups here and also look for kindred souls on the forums. We all benefit from having someone else to share our concerns with, especially folks in similar situations!

We just have to deal with what our situation is now, not looking back and just wishing things could be different. Okay?

I can tell you do have inner strength, whether you feel like you do or not. You are wise to be reaching out.

You can certainly keep in touch with me.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Firstly, welcome to PC, Girl. (I don't fancy saying your full username, sorry)

A normal person would forgive such things and move on right!?

My honest opinion on this is, no, a "normal" person probably wouldn't just magically forgive. If he actually cheated on you for a week, staying with his ex wife, while still "with" you, I'd say that's a huge no-no! If I were in your shoes, I'd certainly neither trust nor forgive him, but that's just me, and I don't know him at all.

I really, honestly just think you need some serious support, ... counseling, therapy, support group(s)... something, because it's not fair to go through all that alone. Thankfully, you have us at PC, so that's at least something, I hope! There are likely plenty of people here who can share at least some of your experiences, and maybe share some advice.

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

In fact, there is such a thing as "post-partum" depression.

That also crossed my mind.

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

if a man will cheat on one wife, then he is more likely to cheat on another.

Unfortunately, that is also how I think. :|

I have a 6 year old son who is satan himself. He's mean, and vulgar, he's violent and absolutely lazy.

From what I've learned, kids are very, very receptive and pick up on how their parents feel/act. Your son is maybe acting out based on any animosity that may be picking up in the house (between you and his father, for example) or may be acting out because he doesn't understand how you are.

Stay safe.

I don't really know what to say. But I just want to stop in and let you know that we care for you here!

[waggiedog]

Hello hunny, and I really can't bring myself to call you the name you've chosen for yourself ~ it's kinda cruel. First I'd like to offer you a BIG WELCOME to PC, it's a great site for help and understanding. You sound as though you have a lot on your plate with nobody to help you through it. I agree with the other member who recommended some kind of therapy or professional intervention. I don't know where you live, I'm in England so the system could be different. I'm in therapy now and TBH I think of myself as you see yourself but I'm being helped. Meds can also have a really positive effect but I speak for myself. I'd honestly say you are suffering depression but I'm not a Dr of course. Your 6 year old son is a handful which I have no doubt! Have you thought about taking him to your Dr and explaining some of his behaviour? I have a young nephew like this and it turns out he has ADHD, though that's not necessarily the case for your son ~ be good to get it monitored maybe. I hope you do find the help you need here on PC, there are a number of different places under the ''community'' section so check out the headings and see if any sound familiar to you. Do get back to us if you feel stuck in any way. HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXXX