Which would you rather???

During an episode, my thoughts are never-ending and irrational. They spiral out of control, ranging from memories I've had from childhood to those that are recent. Within this thought process or crisis, if you will, I almost always ask myself the following question: "why me?" The depression becomes so heavy, so painful, and seemingly endless I must inquire why I have to struggle with this illness. It's very self-centered, indeed, but it's a question I'm sure all of us have asked when battling this terrible experience. Once I began thinking: "would you rather endure a physical ailment such as heart disease or would you rather deal with depression?" I haven't figured out what my final answer is but it's be interesting to hear what you guys have to say.... Which would you prefer?

I have been bipolar my whole life. Depressive episodes, such as I am going through now, are very painful in their own way. The unloving, self-loathing, hatred, and worthless thoughts and feelings make me so miserable and unhappy. It seems endless, usually going on for months. It takes much effort to move. All I want to do is die. I would definitely rather have heart disease. I would have a life. Sure there would be heart pain that will last a few minutes or even hours. And soon a natural, non-suicidal death. I am ready to die!!!

Neither, but just for the sake of answering the question I'll say I'd rather deal with depression. As terrible as depression is, I'm super anxious about having anything physically wrong with me.

Well, I'm "lucky" enough to have both an MI and physical problems. Hmmm...that's a tough one since there's no cure my nerve damage, degenerative discs, and there is a SLIGHT chance that my depression wouldn't be as great if it weren't for my physical limitations (as I would be able to Do more of the things I used to enjoy) And maybe just maybe I could find a med that helps my bi polar...I might choose the depression. But I'm not sure. Sometimes when I'm severely depressed, I almost wish for something terminal just to escape the suffering.

Interesting question....
I have a condition called achalasia. It's a motility disorder of the esophagus. It can be very painful physically at times. It's rather difficult to explain.
I also suffer from major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. I'm sure you are familiar with the ramifications of those.

If I were able to choose to have one OR the other...I think I would choose the achalasia because at least there is concrete evidence of that. Realistically, my achalasia contributes to my depression and anxiety, but you can't "see" them with any kind of physical test.
Of course, ideally, I would prefer to have none- physical or mental- but....

I'd rather be healthy all around but if I had to choose it'd be depression, it hurts but it won't kill you.

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I'm terrified of getting a physical ailment. But maybe it's because I haven't experienced that much when it comes to MI, I'd rather choose it over physical problems. Depression may be deadly too but I'd rather kill myself than having a physical problem doing it.

Physical problems would probably trigger things like depression and anxiety anyway.

Oh depression can and does kill many people. At their own hand but it kills all the same. It is not really the persons fault because it is the disease that kills them. I recently was back in CA and found out that 10 people I had known in AA had killed themselves in a 45 day period. Addiction and depression often go hand in hand. It is a very serious disease.

Often when I have been very close to suicide myself I fantasize about getting a fast acting cancer that would do the job for me. Or a massive heart attack in my sleep.

It is the whole stigma thing as well that would tend to make me want a physical thing rather than a mental one.

I prefer death

I would choose something physical as long as it was something that would kill me quick. I'm tired of dealing with the depths of my dispair from depression. I'm not really living anyway.

Zinco, regarding addiction and depression, I believe there is a definite link. I'm 44 and sober for 3 years now. Funny, my depression didn't really begin to surface until I got fully sober. But near the end, the drinking had started to make me start to feel a depressed state unlike I had ever felt, so I knew then the drinking was over.

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I would pick something physical any day. I suffer from depression and anxiety and have some ptsd symptoms. I also have scoliosis as well as an extra vertebra that causes me to suffer from sciatica - have gone through this since my early 20s. Plus I have very bad stomach pain sometimes that can last for hours and hours and, before I had my son, had menstrual cramps that would make me almost pass out and physically sick. I would rather feel any of this or anything else physical than the mental pain and fear my anxiety causes me daily.

I know that whenever I have a physical issue, I don't engage in self-harm, risk-taking behaviors, or try to kill myself. Depression sucks and is far worse for me. Now that I am feeling normal, I can see how truly horrible it was. It sucked the life energy out of me like a cancer. I remember being depressed and wishing I had cancer so that people would be more understanding of how bad I felt. I am just so relieved to be in a good place right now.

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