[regretful]

Well, as the title says, all I want to do is give up. Years back, I did not know this illness. Life was somewhat enjoyable. But over the past several years, depression crept into my life and made a home for itself. Sure, I battled out of it once; but now, back in the throes of it, I feel as if I'm sinking into quicksand (in that the harder I struggle to free myself, the deeper into it I get)...So, when all you want to do is give up, what do you do? Thanks for reading...

I'm not sure... we just have to keep fighting through it and hope to come out the other side...

[regretful]

Thanks secretwhisper...I'm trying so hard to fight. Today I'm just so unbearably sad, feeling like a failure in all that I've done in life, a disappointment as a son, husband and father...

[newbie33]

Don't give up!! I myself was very close to giving up on everything! I myself is a husband/fiancé and a father. with problems going on I was close to giving up! But I didn't. i'm not sure why but i know there is something positive coming to me! i have to be patient and im going to win this fight! and i know you will too!!!

Just try to remember you have come through this before...you can do it again!

[helpmeplease98]

I think that with a little professional help and all the love and support you can get from friends, family, and the people here at PsychCentral, I think you'll be able to come out of this rut.. I know that I'm in a rut, and god knows that one day I'll be able to be ok if I can get out of this. But it's the hope that keeps me going.

[regretful]

Thanks to you both for your kind replies...when the tears are flowing, it's hard to want to anything other than give up. Your encouragement means a lot to me...

[regretful]

Oh, and despite how it may sound when you read it, I'm really never going to give up. I think I was at that point in December and at that time I was hospitalized - in retrospect, that was the most expensive and worthless 7 days of my life...So as you've both said, I'm going to keep on plugging away at this. It's all I can do...

I have basically two states. (I've mentioned this periodically in my posts & replies to others' posts.) One state is what I call: "dull acceptance". This is where I am most of the time. It's just sort-of a state where I say: "Oh, f***. This is just the way it is. There's nothing that can be done & no one really gives a rip anyway. So just suck it up & move on. It's not so bad."

The second state is: "I just can't stand this for another minute!" I go in-&-out of this state multiple times per day & / or per week depending on a variety of variables. This state has landed me in the hospital twice. And, you're correct. They were the most expensive & most useless periods of time in my life.

I wish I knew of a surefire cure for this. But, of course, I don't. This is probably because there is none. I don't have a therapist. I've tried therapy & it always seemed to be almost as useless as being in the hospital. I do have a pdoc. And I take Cymbalta, which seems to help a bit. Otherwise I try to employ the practices taught by the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. They're not a cure-all. They're not meant to be. But they do help.

I'm glad to hear you're not going to give up, Regretful. I do believe you can get through this. Just keep trying different things until you find what works for you. Then come back & share it with all of the rest of us here on PC. My best wishes to you!

[regretful]

Thank you "The Skeezyks"...right now what I am doing is not working in any way at all. I've not been this miserable in all of my nearly 50 years on this planet. Holding on seems so pointless, but it is what I have to do...I think I'm at the "dull acceptance" as you so aptly phrase it. I want to move on, but I don't know where I can go...limbo defined...

regretful, you're not alone. Today I gave up on life by lying in bed an inordinate amount of time. All I can hope for is a better tomorrow. I hope the same for you. Keep hanging in there. You may not believe it, but this WILL get better in time. That job will come eventually. I just know it! Just keep plugging along in there in the meantime.

[regretful]

Thanks for the encouragement newgal ... it's times like this that it is hard to believe there ever was, or ever will be anything other than depression. It has to end; this can't be all there is to life...

[TheOriginalMe]

Originally Posted by regretful

Thanks for the encouragement newgal ... it's times like this that it is hard to believe there ever was, or ever will be anything other than depression. It has to end; this can't be all there is to life...

Three weeks ago, maybe not even that long, I was at that point too. It did change, I got very excited by the change but then I slipped back a little. Progress is frustratingly slow, but by knowing that you won't give up you have made progress.

Sometimes I think choosing to survive is not given enough credit by the docs. They always judge on risk and not on effort or bravery. You are making the effort, you are being brave and those two things alone make you a caring and worthy son, father and husband.

Like Skeezyks I'm a dull acceptance person too. The depression will always be there not matter how hard I try, so I just have to suck it up. What got me through my last crisis was posting and whining away on PC.

We all feel for you and are waiting for that post that says "today was not as bad as yesterday", it will happen for you, but I can't say when.

I was thinking, just an hour ago or so, maybe I should decide right now I just can't live like this anymore. There are some things I could do. But it would be like "Pick Up Sticks". Throw everything into the air, see where it all lands & then try to pick up as many sticks as possible. The idea scares the bejeebers out of me. So instead, I just keep slogging along in dull acceptance mode.