[nohope]

I am sick. Supposedly I have Schizoaffective disorder, but I know I dont. I am just a loser who cant keep it together.

I dont go out of my house at all. I have been stuck here for six years and counting. I choose to stay in here because I cant live in a world where everyone makes fun of me everywhere I go.

Im always so tired and exhausted. Im tired of being tired. I dont do anything at all, ever. Just get online, watch tv, sleep and eat.

My life is hell and there are very few things that make it better.

My family says they understand but they are not too supportive. They dont know how to help. I dont know how to help myself.

I take meds for the schizoaffective. I have done it for years. Still no help.

I dont want to die. I dont want this to be it. I want to change but dont know how to be who I want to be.

Im lost. Im sick. Im wrong. Im fading. Im gonna be gone soon at this pace. I cant take this anymore. But I have to. Theres nothing else I can do, but just take it.

[(JD)]

(((safe hug))))

Why do you say everyone makes fun of you (thus your reasoning for not going out) ???

Depression tells us lies, perhaps it's lying to you about this also?

I'm sorry you are feeling so trapped. Since you acknowledge some choice being yours, perhaps with a T's help you could become freer?

TC

[daisy2]

I will keep you in my prayers. Just remember there are people who care about you. I have been writing a journal about all the things I love and appreciate. Everyday I try to do one of those things on my list- even if I don't want to. It helps to clear my head. Have you thought about changing your medication? It might be one of the reasons you are so tired. Sometimes I feel sick too. Just remember to never give up!

please check in with a doctor. perhaps a med change is in order. and please keep us posted. xoxoxo pat

[jaeann]

You are NOT a loser! I am so sorry to hear about what is going on with you. I hate that you feel so alone & you feel that people make fun of you. Even if your family does not understand, I'm sure they only want to help you. Try talking to them & explain your feelings & maybe together you can think of a possible solution.

You should also talk with your doctor & maybe ask for an alternative medicine, if the one you've been taking is not working. There is no reason to give up, just keep trying. There is most definitely a medicine that can help you. Do you see a counselor about your feelings? If not, it would probably be a good idea.

I hope that you feel better & feel free to message me whenever you want.

Stay strong! ~~jae

[nohope]

Thanks for all the replies.

I do see a psychiatrist once every two months. He basically just prescribes my meds and thats about it. I am "stable" enough with the ones Im on right now, and I hate to be "experimented" on with new meds because its such a long, excrutiating process with each new med.

I dont see a therapist or psychologist, but I would like to because I certainly can use someone to talk to who could maybe understand me a lil better than normal people do.

I dont just THINK everyone makes fun of me. I KNOW they do. They do it because I am a disgusting, ridiculous person. Im not sure what it is that I do tho. All I know is that everywhere I go, people laugh at me, and I get bad reactions, mockery, etc, from a lot of ppl who dont even know me.
My doctor and family say its not real, and that its just one of the symptoms of my schizoaffective/schizophrenia. But I know its real.

My family does help me, because my parents still provide me with a house to live in, and everything else I need, even at my age (29 yrs old). My mom takes me to the doctors appts. because I dont want to take a bus or taxi. They do all they can, but I always get the feeling they dont really understand.

Most ppl, including my family tend to think that it would be really great to live like me, with no responsibilities, work or anything else. Getting up at 1pm every day, etc, etc. But they dont realize my life is being wasted slowly while I just sit here without a way to change anything.

I have chronic depression too, of course, but I dont take any antidepressants because they give me bad side effects. (Mainly, sexual side effects, which are not acceptable to me, because if I have NOTHING in this life, at least I should have that lil amount of joy, shouldnt I?).

A change in my meds would mean that I will take a new antipsychotic for my schizo symptoms, and that is just so scary to me because all the other times Ive tried different meds, its been hell. Ive gained so much weight on one of the pills as a side effect, and I never lost it. I feel terrible about that too cuz Im a fatA55 on top of everything else.

Ok, this post is long enough. Thanks again for all the support.

[orangecat]

I have been through periods when I have found it difficult to be around people - at those times, I have found it helpful to go to Barnes & Nobles or the library where I am around people and can choose the degree to which I want to interact. You can also read the newest best seller free!