[The Fox & the Hound]

Gosh. Why do people even say this?

It's your choice. You choose depression it isn't mental illness, it's a choice. You choose it.

[H3rmit]

Ignorance?

[StrongerMan]

Yeah, I love when people say.. "oh, I really feel bad you had to go through that as a child... But you're an adult now. It's time to get over it and move on."

I very much used to crack jokes about this kind of stuff.....

That "those" people were weak, lazy, attention seekers, you name it...... And just to prove that God has a sense of humor - I ended up with nice dose of depression. Which has given me some humility.....

So - I guess I will agree with the ignorance. I will choose to pray for those who are making the ignorant statement. Clearly they do not even realize how invalidating they are.

[Clara22]

I got a text message from a friend upset because i do not pick up phone calls and I had asked her please not to visit. She said almost exactly that among other things a couple of days ago

[Frankbtl]

Hi The Fox & the Hound, despite their "ignorance" it's really good that you know better than that!! No choice involved, and you know you're not to blame for this!!!
Lots of people here who can relate to/understand how you're feeling, so hang with us and if we can help just a little..............

Alison

[Altered Moment]

BS ignorance. Not a choice at all

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[highd]

why would anyone choose depression? Depression is a result of a disconnect between the ideal world that you build for yourself in your mind and the real world. that's probably the simplest way to describe it.

[waterknob1234]

It is ignorance pure and simple. If we could "choose" not to be depressed, I think we would. People don't seem to understand we cannot pep talk our way out of depression. I have dealt with this same thing. It's aggravating.

[Puffyprue]

i can related to how you feel when people say that and sometimes its make me angry but with me personally i love my sadness it has become part of me and comforting like nothing else so yes in some way i do choose my sadness.

[birdpumpkin]

Kind of the same as "It's all in your head"...

[S.Costello]

Sometimes I wonder if a lot of people who say this are confusing the way people with depression feel with the act of actually overcoming that depression. No one chooses to feel depressed or miserable -- why would anyone?

The only choice in the matter is the choice to overcome what ails us. What the results of those efforts are varies from person to person, and some have a harder time overcoming their depression than others.

[Clara22]

Reading bird pumpkin made me think even if we don't like our depression we have to own it and try to be assertive about it. It is not other people who has to determine our "normalcy". Paternalism is not helpful. We need more respect and credit as "patients". I know that there are people out of there that love us and want to help us. But somehow this desire of helping us often becomes an inclination to "fix" us. I find that is not respectful. Somehow, we have exercise the right to be as we are, despite that of course we may want to feel better or get rid of depression. I do not know if what I say makes any sense.

[Jolisse]

People that have not experienced depression, have no idea how debilitating it can be.
I hide my depression well, most people have no idea how I'm feeling.
I've heard comments in everyday conversations, about people who are depressed/anxious.
Normal people think any kind of mental illness means you're "crazy", they will never understand what we go through.

[Idiot17]

Deleted.

[monkeybruv]

Originally Posted by Puffyprue

i can related to how you feel when people say that and sometimes its make me angry but with me personally i love my sadness it has become part of me and comforting like nothing else so yes in some way i do choose my sadness.

But you don't chose to chose your sadness...if you see what I'm saying. If you were well, you would not chose depression. Wellness is not a choice.

[Sadley]

My therapist in a group therapy always told us that. I never believed one bit of it. It's not a choice. It's something forced on us. No one would choose to feel like this, and I refuse to have kids because I would never want anyone to ever go through this let alone live in this f*cked up place. If there is a God, I don't want anything to do with him.

[Fuzzybear]

Nobody would choose Depression.

Ignorant freakin twit (whoever said that )

Love to all here

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by birdpumpkin

Kind of the same as "It's all in your head"...

I saw something on line the other day; it was a post saying, "Next time someone tells you MI is all in your head, tell them, 'Duh! Where else would it be? In my kidneys?' " I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

But, seriously, I've had people say similar stuff to me. My sister has told me that if I just had a job, I'd be happy to get out of bed, because I'd have something to live for! It's funny, because she and my BIL were my legal guardians for a couple years, and I was the one who had to do everything because she was so depressed she couldn't get out of bed for days at a time. It was like that for years. I remember one time, after I had moved out, I came by for a visit, and it turned out that she had not been out of bed for over a week, she was in her same PJ's the whole time, had not even changed her underwear or anything. It's only been recently that she's been working out of sheer necessity, and she's always exhausted, sick, and always in a bad mood.

Anyway, she's also told me things like, You were just going through a hard time, It's menopause, etc.

[Hellion]

Because they are ignorant, and have to feel superior to someone else.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by birdpumpkin

Kind of the same as "It's all in your head"...

That one doesn't entirely bother me...I mean mental disorders do sort of originate in the brain so yes the problem is inside ones head though there are usually external factors contributing as well. I know they more mean its not a real issue/just made up/imaginary which is rude but the wording isn't completely inaccurate.

[Hellion]

Originally Posted by S.Costello

Sometimes I wonder if a lot of people who say this are confusing the way people with depression feel with the act of actually overcoming that depression. No one chooses to feel depressed or miserable -- why would anyone?

The only choice in the matter is the choice to overcome what ails us. What the results of those efforts are varies from person to person, and some have a harder time overcoming their depression than others.

I don't think there is always an option to 'overcome' what ails one...I tried choosing to overcome depression plenty of times and failed.

Originally Posted by StrongerMan

Yeah, I love when people say.. "oh, I really feel bad you had to go through that as a child... But you're an adult now. It's time to get over it and move on."

Yeah, exactly, I have no idea where people come on this. If the foundation (childhood) is wrong the house on top of it (adulthood) will be unstable and the walls full of cracks and the house will collapse (depression/mental issues) some or other time.

Originally Posted by The Fox & the Hound

Gosh. Why do people even say this?

It's your choice. You choose depression it isn't mental illness, it's a choice. You choose it.

I think people who say that are actually depressed too and they just can't accept it and live in denial, and they try and project that onto you. At least we who admit to having it have done just that, we have admitted we have a problem. We don't live in denial. I think there are a lot more people out there in the world who have depression but they don't want to admit it, so they force themselves into a false sense of happiness, by getting married, getting a job or money somehow, going out to parties, trying to hook up to have sex, drinking, doing drugs, etc. I refuse to believe that there are so many truly happy people out there. About 90% of people work in a job that is not their first choice, 90% of people are married to someone they don't love, 90% of parents are disappointed somewhat in their children and find their children did not achieve everything that they hoped they would achieve, about 70% of women are married to a man that verbally or physically abuses them (they just don't speak up). So many people are alcoholics or drug addicts, they claim not to be depressed, they always look happy at parties and stuff. And, I'm not pointing fingers here, because I suffer with these same addictions on and off, but I have realized that it is my depressed mental state that has caused all of this. But, I sure as hell would never go around telling people to stop being miserable, because I know it's more than that.

True happiness is when you are truly content with your life, and you don't need all this other stuff to fill some void. Truly happy people have all the patience in the world to wait for something like the right partner, the right job (irrespective of money), the right social scene. They exercise immense control in their lives.

I'm so sick and tired of the world putting forth this extroverted, loud, party-animal, adrenaline-junkie crap as the image of happiness, when clearly it isn't. These people are living in denial, trying to fill a void that they don't want to tackle head-on, like we do. Because THEY are too weak to accept they have a problem.

So, the next time someone says you should choose not to be miserable, you should tell them this:

"You know, real happiness is a choice too. And, since this is a choice too, I have a question for you sir, why have YOU not chosen real happiness in your life?"

At this point the guy will be perplexed and then you can begin to lay it on him, since he saw fit to take you on in the first place. You ask him "Why do you stay in a dead-end job that gives you no satisfaction? Why do you stay in a marriage with a wife you don't love and then have an affair with other women? Why do you go out every second night and get hammered?" It's all a case again of take the log out of your own eye before you take out a splinter out of someone else's. I genuinely believe someone who tells you to choose to stop being miserable is just as depressed, or even more depressed, than you are.

[Clara22]

I agree with you, Stbguy. Although, it is not the world, it is the Western culture