[Forever hopeful]

Need HELP !! Still off my Meds 40 days now dont' feel any discontinuation symptoms anymore.. Thank Goodness.. Not really having any trouble with Anxiety/Panic Attacks for the most part its controllable no big or returning issues with Agoraphobia.. My Problem DEPRESSION I THINK.. I am still sitting on Bupropion 150xl and scared to take it that is where the anxiety/panic do come in. I keep thinking give myself more time I can do this.. but the truth is I am still crying way to much at everything, No Energy, No real drive to do anything, Sleeping 12 hrs but not feeling rested. Sad, no appetite really, get agitated/angry at times.. but mostly Sad, Flat.
I can't distinguish if it really is the Depression back or if I am still adjusting to being med free. Although if needed I will still use my Ativan but haven't had too. I am thinking I need be on something for Depression but have done so much reading (always a bad idea) that I have scared myself from starting my meds. The thought gives me severe anxiety and I know I will be fighting to control the Panic Attacks if I do take it.. Hence no control over how my body will respond.

[glok]

Hello, Forever hopeful. Is a professional supervising the discontinuance? If so, have you talked to the professional about what you describe?

If you made the decision to discontinue the meds, can you talk to your general practitioner about your concerns and the necessity of seeking professional help to ameliorate the symptoms you exhibit?

[Forever hopeful]

Originally Posted by glok

Hello, Forever hopeful. Is a professional supervising the discontinuance? If so, have you talked to the professional about what you describe?

If you made the decision to discontinue the meds, can you talk to your general practitioner about your concerns and the necessity of seeking professional help to ameliorate the symptoms you exhibit?

Hi, Yes I have that is why I got prescribed the Bupropion 150xl. Dr knows I have not started taking it yet. I am med free I have no more discontinuation symptoms. Only symptoms of depression which I am having a hard time concerning if my body is still balancing out after being on Celexa so many years or if it is truly Depression that is back.

I am not crying as much anymore, but still sleeping lots, no energy, or drive desire to get out and do stuff I use to love. Not much of a appetite either. Have moments of agitation/ anger with over simple things that wouldn't normally bother me. Actually today was the first day I haven't cried .

[GenCat]

I've also been off meds for 2 months and feel a lot of what you feel. I've not really been depressed, because its not the same I can't get out of bed feeling, but I have not been eating a lot and just sleepy in the past day I've noticed. But I'm under a lot of stress so I guess it's normal to feel yucky and not have pills to help with mood.

[Forever hopeful]

Originally Posted by GenCat

I've also been off meds for 2 months and feel a lot of what you feel. I've not really been depressed, because its not the same I can't get out of bed feeling, but I have not been eating a lot and just sleepy in the past day I've noticed. But I'm under a lot of stress so I guess it's normal to feel yucky and not have pills to help with mood.

Can I ask if you suffered with depression or were on meds for a long time? Did you do counselling .

I woke up again today unrested, I seem to dream a lot about different people I use to know. Only literally just woke up and logged on to see if anyone else posted their experience etc, so hoping for a good day trying to be positive

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by Forever hopeful

Can I ask if you suffered with depression or were on meds for a long time? Did you do counselling .

I woke up again today unrested, I seem to dream a lot about different people I use to know. Only literally just woke up and logged on to see if anyone else posted their experience etc, so hoping for a good day trying to be positive

I was called manic depressive, and I've had depression for about 6 years. I was on Zoloft and Resperdal and Hydrozyzine becuase I also have anxiety. I stopped meds because I gained so much weight in a short time. Sometimes the meds worked other times felt like I wasn't on meds. I'm on my third therapist. That's another long story. Just started seeing a new therapist two weeks ago. I was called bipolar in the hospital but then my old therapist said I was BPD sobi have a multiple diagnosis.

If you want to talk about anything you can pm me.

I would recommend you get a good support group or therapist that has experience in depression. Of course, I don't blame you for not taking meds. But I slowly lowered the dosage to make it less traumatic for my body. I was on 100ml a day of Zoloft and took about a month to get off completely.

Did you choose to go off meds? Or did you talk about it with your doctor?

[GenCat]

I was also on anti depressant and mood stabilizer for 9 months.

[Forever hopeful]

Thank you will have to pm you for sure.. I had been talking to my dr about Celexa not working as well through the winter mths.. I got so depressed I didn't even go see him for a couple mths then just weaned my own self off over a 6-8 week period.. I still went through a little over a mth of hellish discontinuations symptoms... Dizziness, crying all the time, brain zaps, flu like symptoms etc etc... They finally stopped about 2 weeks ago maybe less.

I was on it for almost 10 yrs along with Ativan as needed every time they tried to add something it always made me feel to zombies out.. Then they wanted to try ability scared the crap out of me.. That is another story.. I was diagnosed major depression, GAD, Panic disorder agoraphobia.. Last one PTSD I have overcome the anxiety parts pretty much with CBT, exposure therapy. Was diagnosed in my late teens

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by Forever hopeful

Thank you will have to pm you for sure.. I had been talking to my dr about Celexa not working as well through the winter mths.. I got so depressed I didn't even go see him for a couple mths then just weaned my own self off over a 6-8 week period.. I still went through a little over a mth of hellish discontinuations symptoms... Dizziness, crying all the time, brain zaps, flu like symptoms etc etc... They finally stopped about 2 weeks ago maybe less.

I was on it for almost 10 yrs along with Ativan as needed every time they tried to add something it always made me feel to zombies out.. Then they wanted to try ability scared the crap out of me.. That is another story.. I was diagnosed major depression, GAD, Panic disorder agoraphobia.. Last one PTSD I have overcome the anxiety parts pretty much with CBT, exposure therapy. Was diagnosed in my late teens

Have you thought if you are always more depressed in cold months? Maybe you still need an anti-depressant just a new one. How much Ativan are you prescribed? You take Ativan for anxiety correct? Do you have a psychiatrist?

[regretful]

Maybe it's depression coming back; I have been thinking the same thing about myself; I'm off of all medication since April 22 of this year. I didn't have any trouble with discontinuation syndrome. Now I'm sleeping, but not feeling rested, losing my appetite, and just feeling plain old "blah"...As GenCat has noted, depression does hit me more in the cold and dark months. I did have a rough go of it with buproprion xl. I was on 150 for about a month. But with that, like everything else, I was a side-effects machine...

[Forever hopeful]

Yes I thought it might be still hanging around. That is why I was looking for input.. I don't have a Pych yet waiting to be assigned one.. I have had my GP Dr since I was a kid over 20 yrs so he knows me very well. He original diagnosed me he keeps current etc.

I know in Winter I get S.a.d on top of depression.i had forgot to mention that. I have light therapy that I got for use this winter coming.

I hardly use the Ativan mostly for stuff like flying, or surprise panic attacks I get under control once in awhile to help sleep. I am in no way addicted no issues with it have had for yrs to use as needed.. Took 10 yrs to actually use try it when I was overcoming agoraphobia with exposure it helped overcome it was the boost I needed.

[GenCat]

A pdoc would help you more because they are more trained in that area. Your general doctor only knows so much about psychiatric medications. But I would try a low dose of an anti-depressant for a couple of months and see if that helps.

Do you know how long you have to wait to see a pdoc?

[Forever hopeful]

regretful are you on anything now? I have always had trouble trying meds my panic attacks come back the I think about trying some a total control issue took me forever to get on full therapeutic dose of celexa tapered up in slicers almost in the beginning can't cut a lot of meds. Yes feeling like you blah no drive energy do experience little joys my dogs etc today I am so tired I slept way long bed at 12;30 up at 4 am back to bed at 8 am woke up 3:30 pm now I am back in bed tired.. Wanted to shower enjoy outside but really no energy at all trying to stay awake . No driving desire either I'm like for what even though somewhere in my mind I think /see or maybe it's remembering that I like sitting on the deck watching animals people cars reading a good book . I can remember but no will whatsoever to go do it. I am thankful my other conditions are in control right now... I am in a dead zone depressed mess but have been way worse with all at the same tine even my depression has been way worse in a sense crying all the time ... This is like a depressed numbness does that makes sense??

[Altered Moment]

When I am depressed I am totally numb. Very common symptom.

[Forever hopeful]

I have been waiting over 2 yrs for a Pdoc gencat severe shortage in my city with a long waiting list.. I need to work up the courage to get on the bupropion 150 xl he described. I have been as you know debating on that which somewhere deep in my soul thinks a low dose would get rid of these lingering symptoms. I know I do not want to go through discontinuation withdrawals again now that I am past that and look back never thought they would end and where horrible .

[Forever hopeful]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

When I am depressed I am totally numb. Very common symptom.

Is it in all these years over 20 I never felt this one before it's new to me.

[GenCat]

Originally Posted by Forever hopeful

I have been waiting over 2 yrs for a Pdoc gencat severe shortage in my city with a long waiting list.. I need to work up the courage to get on the bupropion 150 xl he described. I have been as you know debating on that which somewhere deep in my soul thinks a low dose would get rid of these lingering symptoms. I know I do not want to go through discontinuation withdrawals again now that I am past that and look back never thought they would end and where horrible .

Oh I understand. Well talk to your doctor. Of course, all medicines have un desired side effects. Most anti-depressants may cause you to have suicidal thoughts. Im not telling you this to scare you, to just let you know. There is no such thing as a pill that will cure all your symptoms and not give you others. Why do you want to take bupropion?

[Forever hopeful]

That is the one he thought would be best for me after our last appt I am very fortunate that he mini councils me and will take all the time I need in a appt to express my symptoms thoughts and concerns.. Yikes I know you didn't mean to freak me out I only had those thoughts even a almost drive towards suicide when I came off meds recently that gave me a huge panic attack. I am normally not suicidel even in the worse of time it has crossed my mind but like my handle says I am forever hopeful that better times will come and most times logical enough to know tell myself it's only the illness not my true feelings when I hit rock bottoms which lasted over a year this past time.. Again which led me to coming off the meds.. I think to add to it we had a terrible long cruel winter this year which mad the S. a.d symptoms on top of depression kick me into that black hole ... Thank goodness I can always see a tiny flicker of light to hold onto most times or I would be a goner no doubt

[GenCat]

Wow that's so nice of your doctor! My doctor gave me anxiety meds that have worked well for me and I only take them as needed which hasn't been in a month or so.

I'm am so glad to hear you don't struggle with suicide. That seems to be the common factor with depressed people. But so is the feeling of emptiness and feeling lonely and not eating.

That must be your CBT skills kicking in sounds like.

[glok]

My therapist gave me a card with these coping tips. They take some practice but have been helpful.

Coping With Anxiety and Panic

1. Remember, feelings of panic are just exaggerations of normal bodily stress reactions.
2. Sensations are neither harmful nor dangerous - just unpleasant. Nothing worse will happen.
3. Anxiety is temporary. Instead of fighting it, relax into it. Just let it be.*
4. Focus on facing the fear rather than trying to avoid it or escape from it.
5. Stop adding to the panic with frightening thoughts of where panic will lead.
6. Stay in the present. Be aware of what is happening to you rather than concern yourself with how much worse it might get.
7. Notice that when you stop adding to panic with frightening thoughts, the fear begins to fade.
8. Wait and give the fear time to pass.
9. Look around you. Plan what you will do next as the panic subsides.
10. When you are ready to go on, do so in an easy, relaxed manner. There is no hurry.
11. Think about the progress made so far despite all the difficulties.
*Breathe

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by Forever hopeful

Is it in all these years over 20 I never felt this one before it's new to me.

I don't want to scare you either but I have found that in the last five years the nature of my depression has changed. I have had it my whole life and have been being treated for it for twenty years. I don't know if it is age or what but I definitely have symptoms i have never had before. Anxiety being the biggest one. Never ever had it before.

[Forever hopeful]

Mmm and in the beginning Anxiety, Panic Disorder plus Agoraphobia used to the bigger issues for me. I have been through a lot of CBT and overcome 95% of those issues not to say it won't creep up again like depression it does tend too ex specially during high stress times. I know it does with me but I have the skills to better control it before it becomes to much of a issue.. I never thought I would conquer agoraphobia but I did I have a few things that are still anxiety provoking but nothing that cripples my life anymore...

As of now not much of a life in this flat mode I am in you had said differently earlier can't remember now but it explained it well. I went from barely being able to leave my room to flying to some of the largest cities of the world for trips...

It's these lingering debilitating symptoms that are the big issue now...those are the symptoms that have changed from what I used to feel when going through a major depressive period..

[regretful]

Originally Posted by Forever hopeful

regretful are you on anything now? I have always had trouble trying meds my panic attacks come back the I think about trying some a total control issue took me forever to get on full therapeutic dose of celexa tapered up in slicers almost in the beginning can't cut a lot of meds. Yes feeling like you blah no drive energy do experience little joys my dogs etc today I am so tired I slept way long bed at 12;30 up at 4 am back to bed at 8 am woke up 3:30 pm now I am back in bed tired.. Wanted to shower enjoy outside but really no energy at all trying to stay awake . No driving desire either I'm like for what even though somewhere in my mind I think /see or maybe it's remembering that I like sitting on the deck watching animals people cars reading a good book . I can remember but no will whatsoever to go do it. I am thankful my other conditions are in control right now... I am in a dead zone depressed mess but have been way worse with all at the same tine even my depression has been way worse in a sense crying all the time ... This is like a depressed numbness does that makes sense??

Makes sense to me...I'm not on any medication. I have not taken anything since April. I, too, can vaguely remember what it was like feeling good; but now I'm just in this mode of selfish self-loathing...feeling like a failure at all I've ever done in life...No anxiety, no flood of tears, just plain "blah", every hour of every day...