hey

my name's Deanna...

I am glad and grateful to be here, I am struggling with a lot right now, but mostly with my finances. I don't assume anyone is reading this, but I suppose the objective is to vent anyhow. . .

I teach yoga.

. . . the computer I am using is slightly broken, and makes using it frustrating. . .

teaching yoga is very hard for me, but it's my trade so i am having to make it work anyway. . .

i struggle with general self defeat, anger, lowliness . . . my faith, etc.

i lost a friend i cared very very much about, his name is chris. . .
i am stuggling with that a lot, i love him very much and hurt him, and although i know he's forgiven me, i still feel much remorse.
i miss him very much, and am praying for god to bring us back together. . . life has been very difficult without the support of him, and so many other friends and family. . .

i am so grateful to utilize this forum, thank you for any readers. . . i guess to even be heard is a help. . .
hah

i have so much to do and struggle with energy. . . i get so low. . . and fatigued . . .

today i went to teach yoga at the park where i have commited to teach every sunday at noon, and there was a young man thirty thirty one he didn't even know how old he was! he reveiled to me he had schizophrenia and that he was very mental and i tried to help him with yoga. . .

he was very out of it and i talked with him for at least an hour, and walked away feeling very hopeful that he will find yoga to work for him, and he'll get better. . .

who knows. ..
i am struggling terribly with my faith, in anything. . . i just want to learn actually i want to learn as much as i can so i can better help myself and others. . .

i don't know why it's taken me so long to find one of these online support groups it's not like i didn't know they weren't out there, i guess i just didn't put much thought into it. . .

i feel rather very pathetic right now. .. i hide from my own feelings most all the time, they have done a lot of bad for me in the past. . . a lot. . .
ive made a whole lot of terrible choices in my life . . and so now i sort of try to ignore my feelings, my true feelings that is. . .
i don't know i suppose theres only up to go from here. . .
feeling optimistic. . . .

Hello, Deanna. Have you told your treatment team what is going on with you?

Keep your head up.

Hi, Deanna, glad you found PC. It is a place you can vent and, also, receive feedback. The forums are really good at listening to other's issues and giving feedback. Have you seen a doctor or therapist. It might help to have the support of health professionals. Depression is hard to deal with without professional help. I live with it everyday and understand how difficult it can be. You might want to post in the relationship forum too for support of dealing with your relationship with Chris and your current bf. Hope you find the help you need here.