[freefallin]

I'm financially broke, and part of the reason I'm depressed is because I am broke. If I was capable of landing and holding a job, I wouldn't have to live with my abusive sister who does things like throw her period blood at me and smear her period blood on my bedroom door.

I've been deeply depressed for years and view myself as pretty much worthless because it's the truth...I can't do anything right, can't attract a boyfriend, can't think straight, can't figure out how to succeed in anything but book work. I'm useless in everyone's eyes. But the message in society is that everyone has value, so I tried listening to that message and seeking out help, but everyone made it explicitly clear that they do not care about me.

I tried going to my school's counseling center when I was still in school...I had to withdraw for next semester because I don't have anymore money for school...I was bawling and practically begging someone to help me. They shoved me out the door because I am a part-time student and therefore haven't given the school enough money for them to care what happens to me. I don't have the money to take more classes at a time, and in their eyes, this renders me a waste of their resources.

There are no affordable services available to me because I'm just a 25 year old single woman...there are only services for children, elderly people, and women who have been abused by their partners. No one cares about people like me.

I even broke down and told my dad if he didn't do something to make my sister stop tormenting me, I was going to wind up killing myself because I can't take it. He basically laughed in my face. He won't help me either. He's only interested in catering to my sister's every demand because if he doesn't give her all of his attention, she'll destroy his house or start a physical fight with him or whatever. Because I'm not as dramatic as her, he doesn't see a point in paying attention to what's going on with me.

I just wish society would quit telling this lie that everyone matters. I don't matter. I tried asking/begging for help and was basically told to my face to just sit in my room and cry all day like a good quiet little depressed girl because I DON'T matter.

[Altered Moment]

I may be possible there are free services available where you are. There were for me for two years and I was broke.

What state do you live in. It may be very possible you qualify for medicaid and you would be able to get a full range of services with that.

It would take some doing and footwork on your part but I'll bet there are services out there that can help. You will need to rely on yourself to do this it sounds like.

[CANDC]

Most financial assistance is available from the city or state in which you reside -google assistance and the name of the state and city. Food stamps are also available - google applying for food stamps. You could qualify for disability insurance from the social security administration. Social Security Disability Benefits - Online Application Information
Unfortunately or fortunately, we define our own self worth, not other people.
Local food banks and free meals are available.
What about stopping crying in your room and find something to do. I saw a person that would go for a walk everyday and fill up a trash bag with recyclable cans and another one for trash. You set the mark for yourself. You determine what is successful. Members of PC applaud anyone who tries to make their life a little better.

[fluffbuster]

what would you like society to do for you? you can't find a job sitting in your room crying - you HAVE to get out there and look for funding. if you're in america go to your county human services facility. at the college see if there are any work-study programs. obviously, you are not as bad off as some other people - because you have a room to cry in and a computer to write stuff on. you must first care about yourself. society helps the ones who help themselves. if you need structure - join the military - there you will get training, an education and money - and you won't have to worry about your sister cause you will be away from her and your dad.

[-jimi-]

I don't understand how this is not a bad situation.... being depressed is hard in itself and you often do need a helping hand. Add abuse and it's not any funner.

Saying OP has it OK because some have it worse is just a crappy attitude, how are we supposed to support each other if no one is worthy of support because they are not THE person worst off?

Bah.

[flours]

What you're talking about sounds familiar to me. Except the sister. It sounds awful living with her.
Do you think you might get some more private space? If I were you I would try not to run into her so often. Maybe the whole situation gets a littler more relaxed then.

I also experienced that it can be very hard to get anybody to see that you need help and then actually get it. It took me several months to only get an appointment and then it was a complete disaster because the person I saw only wanted to get rid of me as quickly as possible and said some things that were really upsetting.

That whole thing about being important for society is tricky. Of course you should think that of yourself but sometimes other people don't and you need to be strong enough to ignore them.
While looking for a job I have explicitly been told that my education was useless and I do not qualify for anything or any job because all I learned isn't important in real life and I just had to accept that society doesn't need me.

People can be very ignorant because they're busy with their own problems and just don't think about what their behavior may mean to somebody else.

I am just a few years older and have realized that they often can't imagine that someone who is young and appears to be on a good way in life could have any problems. Sometimes it's hard to tell what's really going on because everything looks just fine from outside and even when you say that you're not fine nobody can understand it because they cannot see it.

[freefallin]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

I don't understand how this is not a bad situation.... being depressed is hard in itself and you often do need a helping hand. Add abuse and it's not any funner.

Saying OP has it OK because some have it worse is just a crappy attitude, how are we supposed to support each other if no one is worthy of support because they are not THE person worst off?

Bah.

Thank you.

For the people who say I need to try harder to get a job and at least I have a room to cry in, first off, I tried applying to literally hundreds of jobs and can't seem to get a single one. You try going months being told you're not good enough, despite your college education, to hold a job as a dishwasher or a waitress and then tell me how optimistic you feel about life.

Secondly, I only have this room for 3 more weeks. Then my lease is up, and I have to move out because my savings are gone after months of not being able to find a job. The only place for me to go is back to my dad's house where I won't be able to even eat without having bodily fluids thrown at me or bugs attacking me because the home is infested with bugs thanks to my sister's disgusting practices. So I'll probably spend most of my time sitting in the park or something. I'll have to see if I can find enough money for a gym membership so I'll have somewhere to shower because the showers in my dad's house always have feces in them because my sister poops in them. So don't tell me how lucky I am to have this room.

To the person who told me to join the military, I have chronic health conditions. They won't even consider me.

[exclamationpoint]

Hey freefallin. I'm sorry you're not getting what you need from the other comments. Please don't take it too much to heart. Sometimes people give advice that they think is helpful, but it might not actually be for the particular situation or person.

I agree that you might want to look into free help in your area. Most places do have some kind of free support. You might even call around at the places that charge and see if they can give you a referral.

I understand how hard it can be to be depressed, and trying to dig your way out of this messed up situation at the same time can't be easy. Have you thought about doing some volunteer work? I'm suggesting this because it would be easier to find than a job, it would get you out of the house for a while, it would give you a schedule, and it might also help you find a sense of purpose. Of course you need to find a job, but volunteering even just a few hours a week might help in the meantime.

Take care of yourself.

(Also, I just got to say, period blood? Feces in the shower? Damn, that's so messed up.)

[freefallin]

Thank you for the suggestion. There is no free help here, though. I've already researched it. The only thing available is a church that offers counseling for people who want help with their relationship with God. They make it a point that it's counseling to do with your relationship with God, not counseling in the usual sense.

I tried applying to some volunteer positions a while back, but I never heard back on them. I'll try to apply to more.

Yeah, my sister does really gross things, and my dad refuses to make her stop. It's indescribably awful to exist in that environment.

[Altered Moment]

I agree with jimi. Someone who is deeply depressed and has all these other external factors making it worse is not going to jump up and join the military or get a job for that matter. When I am severely depressed I cannot get out of bed. I have had to keep trying though and got Medicaid and food stamps. With Medicaid I am able to get the care I so desperately need. I have a hard time believing there is not state and county services available along with charities such as Salvation Army. If you PM me your city and state I would be glad to research what housing, medical, and food assistance may be available.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[-jimi-]

Times are really rough right now. I haven't seen many getting new jobs even if it happens. I talked to someone who talked to an employer who was almost in tears because they had gotten 1500 applications for one spot!

Sometimes people do care sometimes not. I have taken in homeless people three times. I'm planning to take in a refugee that I know from before IF he dares coming here.

Sometimes it doesn't take much to help someone. But for some reason we are so utterly afraid of each other these days. And of everything. It's like everyone lives in constant fear.

What's wrong with the sister, BTW?

[freefallin]

Hi guys,

Well, right now I am living in a rural college town. I moved here to take some classes and to get away from my family, but it obviously hasn't worked out due to inability to find employment. So that is why there aren't really any resources here. There's not really much of anything here. My dad lives in an area with a bit more to offer, so there could be more options when I move there in less than three weeks.

As for what is wrong with my sister, she's just always been a narcissistic, cruel individual her whole life. Even when she was very young, she was constantly stealing from others, manipulating people, physically violent, and just amused by making others miserable overall. She has been to dozens of mental health professionals, and she just keeps getting worse. She seems to like finding new ways to degrade and manipulate those around her. Her new thing is making others live in and around her bodily fluids. She pukes in the middle of hallways so people have to step around it, poops in the shower so no one can use the shower, vomits all over the toilet seat so no one can use the restroom (big issue for me because I have health issues and have to use the bathroom every about 20 minutes), and smears her menstrual blood on people's bedroom doors or throws blood-soaked tampons at people. My dad refuses to believe the best thing to do is to make her find her own place to live. Even when she steals his credit card to do things like charge $500 worth the clothes, he just lets her get away with it because he refuses to step in and do anything about the situation. She sees that her behavior gets her everything she wants out of life for free, so she keeps it up. I'm sure there are a million different explanations people can come up with for why she is the way she is, but if you want my take, she's just a sociopath and crappy human being.

[fluffbuster]

i AM so sorry everyone. if my comments about joining the military seemed cold - sorry. freefallin began her plea saying she was financially broke w/no job and no prospects. you know being depressed doesn't preclude one from taking steps to change their situation. take care all. no problems, i hope.

[-jimi-]

I do hope this situation turns around. It's easy to lose hope but maybe a job does show up? I would hope so. If the sis acts up forever, maybe she will get locked up too... I mean some stuff is criminal and sooner or later life catches up on those people. Sometimes you can even hurry it up.

[Clara22]

Hi Freefallin
I must say I agree with you. Society says that they care about you but they don't.
And, this is just me, I am amazed by the level of denial, suggesting that we have not tried harder is easier than admitting that there is an economic crisis in the world, fellows. Yes, there are a lot of jobless people out of there and there will be more and more. The main driving force is exclusion now. The way the world is working is that there is no place for everybody. I think we need to wake up.
For you, Freefallin, I wish you all the strength to endure the time in your dad house until you get something, a little window of opportunity, to get out of that inferno.
Please, allow me supporting the idea of volunteering: I got a career in the US through volunteering first. It helped me to build a resume. I am not sure if this would help you or not. I am from a foreign country (currently I am back in my country).
Please, keep posting!

[bronzeowl]

I'm inclined to agree with volunteering. You have an education, so it shows that you are definitely trying. But the economy is rough at the moment. Even my mother - with many years of experience behind her - has been struggling for work. Volunteering could give you experience, at the very least.

Your sister sounds like a horrible person. I wish I could offer more advice on how to get out of there. But I struggle financially myself because of my mental illness, so I don't often know how to get out of such a situation.

[Altered Moment]

Besides the economy and job issues I have found that there are many people out there who do care and want to help. Most people are good people.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Clara22]

You aré right, Zinco, there are good people out of there and precisely in crisis, good will and solidarity arise, also. Thank you for pointing out this

[i dont matter]

I already knew that I did not matter............. (notice my name).

[-jimi-]

I know I don't matter in some general way, but heck I matter a lot to me!

[nummy]

You matter. Everyone matters.