[Little Jay]

I'm losing it. I need help but there's so many reasons to just keep it to myself. I don't want to hurt everyone. I can't afford to have time off work, I don't want to go back to hospital. I don't want to lose my job from all the time off. I just have become obsessed with suicide. I have so many reasons not to, and I know it's selfish. I have a battle going on inside of me because sometimes I just don't want to live like this any more, then sometimes I look at my family and those I love and I feel so guilty for even thinking about it. If I make a spur of the moment decision I don't want to regret it but I have to keep it to myself. I'm just losing it, I just don't know what to do any more. I know I need help, maybe I should call someone. I don't know what I'd say though.

[Piraeus]

Hi Little Jay.It's nice to meet you. I know life is hard. I'm going to send you a PM ok.

[onlyme76]

Originally Posted by Little Jay

I'm losing it. I need help but there's so many reasons to just keep it to myself. I don't want to hurt everyone. I can't afford to have time off work, I don't want to go back to hospital. I don't want to lose my job from all the time off. I just have become obsessed with suicide. I have so many reasons not to, and I know it's selfish. I have a battle going on inside of me because sometimes I just don't want to live like this any more, then sometimes I look at my family and those I love and I feel so guilty for even thinking about it. If I make a spur of the moment decision I don't want to regret it but I have to keep it to myself. I'm just losing it, I just don't know what to do any more. I know I need help, maybe I should call someone. I don't know what I'd say though.

Hey, I know exactly what u mean, I feel the same way. My doctor took me off work and I was admitted to da hospital. He had me off so long and guess what I lost my which made me feel worse than I already was feeling. And on top of that the meds wasn't working and I was still thinking of hurting myself. I Think you should tell someone but I understand but that's not the answer for us. I felt and still feel guilty when I look at or think about my children. But yes talk to someone. I hope gets better (for both of us) because I have some rough days and before this I had to keep it all in too.

[Jolisse]

Hi Jay,
Are you seeing a pdoc and/or on medication?
Please reach out to someone about your feelings. There are many option to help you feel better. I know what you're feeling, I've been there many times.
With a proper support system, you will get through this. You already reached out, by posting your feelings here, please keep it going.
If you would like to chat, please PM me. I'd be happy to lend a supportive ear.

[waterknob1234]

Hi Little Jay. I know how you feel. I am in many ways in the same situation as you. I have to work but work is driving me crazy. You do need to reach out to someone you can trust. You definitely should seek help. It would be good to find a pdoc, therapist, try medication, anything to help. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed. This is an illness that needs to be treated. You are a good person and you deserve help for your situation. You don't need to tell people who would cause you more harm, just the people you trust. Seek help and treatment for yourself. And of course, talk to us here on pc. Message me anytime. God bless.

[Fuzzybear]

[Little Jay]

Still feeling dreadful. I don't want to go to work tomorrow I just want to hide away from the world.
How can I keep myself motivated and distracted at work? I end up sitting at my desk stressing about how much work there is to do, but not being able to concentrate to get it done.

[Joey32225]

I'd try to find some humor at your work...I don't know what you do. So it's hard to say what you can joke about or whatever. Being around and joking with people where I worked helped a lot it seemed. Maybe this will help you. Try it out.

[Altered Moment]

Why do you have to keep it to yourself??? It is dangerous to keep it to yourself. I can understand not wanting to burden your family. I have decided not to burden mine with my everyday mental illness problems. It is to hard on them. I do have a support network outside of my family though that I can tell. Part of it is professionals. I think the safest place to tell is to a professional. You don't have to tell them you have a serious plan if you do. Or maybe you should. If it is very serious you may need a hospital even though you don't want to go. If things continue to get worse you will not be able to hold the job anyway.