It is very difficult living each day when nearly every moment is excruciatingly painful. It doesn't help that the shrink that does ECT has not called me back. Each day waiting for his call seems like a year. I feel helpless. How much longer can I go on feeling this way? How much worse will it get?

[aprillynn197]

Feel like I cant handle any little thing. When every detail is magnified

Originally Posted by [B

Can't[/B] Stop Crying;3974769]so far down...no way to climb out

I used to think the exact same thing...so far down not ever getting back up.....but guess what happened about a year ago?
Got the best med ever and have not looked back.
Dont you ever give up!
I am living proof that you CAN get better....I have been battling depression for over 30 years and have just completed my first truly depression free year. It IS possible.

[VMblue]

When diagnosed about a month ago serotonin was explained to me like the oil in a car engine. When the car runs out of oil, the engine stops working like it should and that we need to put some oil back in. What happens if the damage is not just the oil and there is just to much to repair? Is it even worth trying? Am I fixable because I feel so broken?

Don't think I am strong enough to get through this.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Trying to look up from this bottomless pit, I must try

[aprillynn197]

Feel like the nothing has come over me today

[regretful]

Fighting it today...very much...depressed and down, worried, confused...but still fighting. It's much tougher after a night of no sleep.

[Wade_Wilson]

No reason to get out of bed. Every day is the same, wake up, eat, mundane activities, eat, more pointless tasks, eat , tv , sleep. Its a cycle of madness.

[dandylin]

Not too bad, so far

[SeekerOfLife]

For starters, I have a headache. I went to my first client this morning, and when I got there he was angry, yelling, and knocking things over. I told him I would give him some more time and come back in a few minutes. When I came back he refused to talk to me. So I left.

So glad that I finally got an appointment with the psychiatrist who does ECT for 9/15. Now all I have to do is convince him to let me have ECT and maybe I can get my life back. At least I have some hope now that things may just improve for me.

Not looking forward to tonight.
My parents will drink and fight like always.
I'm so sick of it.

[Espresso]

I've been down recently. Today, it's like a constant sadness, like my soul is being weighed down by bags of bricks.

[Clara22]

Good news my pension has been approved, bad news my physical condition has worsen and I am not getting the help I need. I feel weak and the years of struggle are weighting too much. I think of death every day

[SeekerOfLife]

Every day is a struggle. I struggle to get out of bed. Then when up, I struggle with anxiety over "yes, its a new day, and you have to go out that door at X'oclock." Then I have a difficult client first thing. When I get home, the loneliness weighs me down. I go to bed. Flip-flop until I fall asleep. Then all too soon, another day has come. Repeat.

[tigerlily84]

I'm neither happy nor sad. I'm just here.

Had a bout of the blues but have bounced back pretty well from that. Still working on being "normal" after being depressed for decades. What is normal anyway?!
Just glad the bottomless sadness is gone...hated that SO much!

Good news, my parents actually didn't drink tonight after all...
Guess we ran out of money. Still, I'm shocked.

[mulan]

I guess that in US school had already begin. I still have a week left until that...
Last year there were lots of change. They weren't easy for me to deal with. Maybe I tend to overlook things, but I must admit there were really hard times.
And probably I am not totaly comfortable with the situation yet. I fear a little bit what might happen this year.

Most people think that being on university for 6 years is to long. But only who goes throught it knows. The fact that I just have two more years to go is scary. I feel scared now that I am officialy a 5th year student. It's like I am getting older and I didn't notice it before. After this next year it's all about clinical pratice. And I am so unprepered for that.
I just have a year more to connect with my mates. Four years weren't enough to break my barriers, one more year won't be enough.

I am afraid about it.

[Rose76]

Haven't been able to sleep at all this past night. If not for my insomnia, I would actually say that I am doing just great. (I keep waiting for that balloon to pop.)

Sleep disorders undermine everything, and they get worse with age. If not for having a sleep disorder from the age of three, I think I could have had a pretty normal life and, maybe, not even have developed chronic depression.

[breakmystride]

I'm a grown adult, why on earth am I still crying all night long until I'm sick to my stomach? It's so pathetic.

[regretful]

Woke up depressed...again. This seems to be never ending, and it's ruining every aspect of my life. I absolutely hate this illness...

[dandylin]

bored and useless

Okay, now I know my parents will be drinking tonight...
They always drink Fridays because my dad gets his paycheck.
I really just hope they don't fight...but I know that's not realistic to hope for.
On top of this, I have that "nobody loves me" feeling. Ugghh, why???

[Wade_Wilson]

Feeling a little better today. Hoping I can hold on to this feeling.