[GenCat]

My friend has told me she has never been depressed....I don't know if its true or not, but it pisses me off so bad. How do you feel when people say they don't ever get depressed, just sad.

[Little Jay]

There are some lucky people out there I suppose. I know apparently depression will affect 1 in 5 people in the UK at some point in their lives. It's like 8% of people of major depression. It seems so unfair that we fall into that percentage of people

[glok]

Hello, GenCat. As you well know, life is not fair. No one promised us a rose garden. Being upset with those who have not experienced depression is a waste of energy better used in the process of making a better life for yourselves.

[Fuzzybear]

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

I actually have a different reaction. My husband has never been depressed, and it has taken about 12 years for him to get a full idea of what it's like for me. He gets really frustrated because he doesn't have a frame of reference for dealing with this. I'm glad he has never had to deal with this. I don't want anyone to have to go through this. At the same time, I wish there were better resources to help people who haven't experienced it to understand what it's really like for those of us who do.

My brother is another person who had never experienced depression. I never spoke about my experiences of it with him, because he could only relate it to what he's been through (being sad, upset, unmotivated). He can access his willpower to overcome these feelings in his daily life, and so he would say that it was simply a choice to employ willpower to overcome. Recently, he's been on medications for an infection. One of the meds gave him a bout of depression. I think he may understand more, now, but it was seriously hard to see someone like him go through this.

All that, and I do get very frustrated that I have to be one of the ones that does battle it...

[Altered Moment]

The vast majority of people do not experience depression. Not in the clinical severe sense that we talk about here. I have often been very mad that I cannot drink like a normal person. I am an alcoholic.

As Glok says, our time and energy is much better spent accepting the cards life dealt us and doing what is best for our own well being. Of course it is perfectly natural to be upset and angry about it, that is part of the process.

[freefallin]

I never got depressed until I wound up in a situation I felt like there was literally no way out of. After a while, I just gave up all hope that things would get better because what's the point in wasting the energy trying to get out when you're stuck? I think the same thing could be said for a lot of people who develop depression. I think learned helplessness is a probably an adaptive strategy with an evolutionary basis. I think most people who never became clinically depressed never found themselves in a situation that basically was hopeless if even only temporarily.

[Alone & confused]

It only pisses me off when these lucky, perky, peppy, never depressed people don't understand WHY I AM and act like I WANT to be depressed, negative, "in a bad mood" just to ruin THEY'RE day!! "oh if you'd just get out, do this, do that, you'd feel better!" UUUUGGGG!! I hate that! If you don't know don't judge!

[lovesdogs99]

I had this conversation with an old friend earlier this week...

I don't get angry. Sometimes I envy people who seem to have a better handle on their mental life than me. Then again, I don't know exactly what their lives are like or what they think. It's very likely that my own negative, depressive, or melancholic thoughts are shading my perception of that person's life and thoughts.

[triggers]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

The vast majority of people do not experience depression. Not in the clinical severe sense that we talk about here. I have often been very mad that I cannot drink like a normal person. I am an alcoholic.

As Glok says, our time and energy is much better spent accepting the cards life dealt us and doing what is best for our own well being. Of course it is perfectly natural to be upset and angry about it, that is part of the process.

Depression is so hard to explain to someone who has never been "down and out". My husband and family have never experienced the hopeless feelings that we have. Don't know how I can ever explain it to them either. Ideas?

[regretful]

Like Cynosure, I envy those that are not depressed...I've been in the depression mode for approximately 9 months now, and it is horrible. I was one of those people that was not depressed. In fact, for most of my life, I did not know what depression was/is. But like someone pointed out above, I found/find myself in a situation that I cannot get out of; and it is causing me tremendous heartache. Depression is an awful affliction. I wish I never knew it...

[-jimi-]

I don't wish bad things on people but I sort of assumed most people had at least a few times in their lives when they felt something I do. Wrong of course. I was so surprised to hear my best friend never had a panic attack. For some reason I assumed all people experience at least one or a few through their lives. The same way I assumed they at least have some kind of micro depression. Wrong again I guess.

[NoIdeaWhatToDo]

triggers, how long have you been married? I'm coming up on my 10-year anniv., and my husband is only now starting to figure it out. He's never experienced anything like this himself, and it's taken him a long time to not be resentful of me and frustrated that I don't just snap out of it or have the motivation and follow through to do the things that seem to help prevent it the most (exercise, diet, etc.). He's now starting to get it more - not that he understands what it feels like, but that he knows it's nothing he can understand without experiencing it. What he can grasp now is that it's not a choice I'm making, and it's not something that I can always prevent. He understands that even the most basic things (which would take very little effort for him to choose and complete) are completely overwhelming to me. While he doesn't understand most of what my experience feels like, he is starting to get what my reality is like: that I'm easily overwhelmed, that it's fueled by guilt/shame, that it colors my perceptions of myself and others, that I can't access my motivation, that it makes me fearful/sad/angry/apathetic, that I hate how I feel, that I hate how it impacts him and our kids, and that I'm ashamed I have it in the first place. He may not understand those feelings, but he knows that's my reality when I'm depressed. It's a big thing for us to be at this point. Even so, the understanding does not necessarily include insight into how his behaviors and choices can aggravate my depression. I have to work really hard on that. Struggling with it right now, because I'm getting triggered by him (unintentionally), and I know that if I wasn't depressed I would be merely annoyed, but able to let it go. I can't figure out how to let go of it, but also don't want to talk it over with him because I don't think it's fair that he has to be different than he is just because I'm depressed.

I envy people who don't suffer from mental illness.

[triggers]

Originally Posted by triggers

Depression is so hard to explain to someone who has never been "down and out". My husband and family have never experienced the hopeless feelings that we have. Don't know how I can ever explain it to them either. Ideas?

I don't have any idea how to explain these hopeless feelings either. I just keep them to myself and do cry by myself. My mom would always say well go do something but she had no idea that I just couldn't snap out of it! It's terrible and frightening and I wish it never existed! Hugs to you! Glad that they have these sites so we can understand that we are not alone!

[NowhereUSA]

i'm envious of people who don't get depressed. i wouldn't wish it on them although i do wish they'd have more understanding. i've learned to articulate myself enough that i can lay the smackdown on anyone who suggests i just get over it. or that i just need to x more or whatever. i'm like, 'do you even know? no, you don't.'

that said, my t hasn't ever been depressed. but he also gets it. so it is possible. my hubs finally gets it. he's been depressed but for him it was circumstantial not biological. he's really good to me now, i can't complain.

[triggers]

Originally Posted by NoIdeaWhatToDo

triggers, how long have you been married? I'm coming up on my 10-year anniv., and my husband is only now starting to figure it out. He's never experienced anything like this himself, and it's taken him a long time to not be resentful of me and frustrated that I don't just snap out of it or have the motivation and follow through to do the things that seem to help prevent it the most (exercise, diet, etc.). He's now starting to get it more - not that he understands what it feels like, but that he knows it's nothing he can understand without experiencing it. What he can grasp now is that it's not a choice I'm making, and it's not something that I can always prevent. He understands that even the most basic things (which would take very little effort for him to choose and complete) are completely overwhelming to me. While he doesn't understand most of what my experience feels like, he is starting to get what my reality is like: that I'm easily overwhelmed, that it's fueled by guilt/shame, that it colors my perceptions of myself and others, that I can't access my motivation, that it makes me fearful/sad/angry/apathetic, that I hate how I feel, that I hate how it impacts him and our kids, and that I'm ashamed I have it in the first place. He may not understand those feelings, but he knows that's my reality when I'm depressed. It's a big thing for us to be at this point. Even so, the understanding does not necessarily include insight into how his behaviors and choices can aggravate my depression. I have to work really hard on that. Struggling with it right now, because I'm getting triggered by him (unintentionally), and I know that if I wasn't depressed I would be merely annoyed, but able to let it go. I can't figure out how to let go of it, but also don't want to talk it over with him because I don't think it's fair that he has to be different than he is just because I'm depressed.

I have been married 42 years and my husband has never understood how deeply sad I feel or how overwhelming it is to do just simple tasks. I think working at the school and being busy really helps me. I like the summer but I sometimes get bored and then I hear stuff on the news and it scares me. Its pretty hard to keep away from the news! I am over sensitive and have a very good imagination! I am on meds and see a therapist occassionally. Been through hell and back with this depression! Bad thoughts get stuck in my head and goes over and over again! Sometimes I have the physical side effects such as backaches, stomach problems etc. I am going to ceck in often on here so feel free to chat with me if you want.

[MissingNumber]

It's just life to me. I know that people are born very differently and with varying coping skills. I have a friend who's always been a strong, resilient person who naturally protects herself, but her sister raised in the same environment pretty much collapsed under peer pressure, body image issues, etc.

[GenCat]

I don't know maybe if we are born sad and then it hits us sometime in our lives? Can we be born with feelings already there?