succeed with plan and still feeling anxious

earlier this year I pulled myself together, got a job to get money, had two exams to raise my points and aplyed to university.... later I realised I wouldn't get into what I really wanted, but the second option was also good. and now I did succeed with it
I'm going to be a sociology major.
yet somehow I'm still anxious, lost and I feel chaotic... even though I have a list for my next moves in order to move out with first and second plans ect....
I tend to depresonalise myself in stressful situations... and they're taking hold on me. It was extremely helpful for me to escape into imaginations when I was few days away from an exam which was very important and therefor very stressful for me... but after I did it - and did both of them above exeption! - I was still in them, stuck in them and hoplesly comparing the two realities... which ended resulted in a very odd feeling in the place where I had to feel relief or happyness....
this still aplies. I can explain it by... I don't know. maybe I know if I started this before I could be something more exiting... like a chemist or mathematician.... but those are still achieveable in the later future - if for any reason to train my brain to an extreme thinking pattern which is than very-very useful in any other situaion.... - but....
I don't know. maybe I'm just fed up with the unexected amount of stress on this (after all my oportunity to start over was depended on this!) or... I did overthink even though that overthinking helped me to come up with these very helpful plans to achieve things....?
or maybe I'm just at the first step of a long journey of learning to live with my oddities....? if so I'm still very far away.
it is so... undescribeable.....untouchable feeling of dread. of strugleing... of "what now? " is it just because I got used to chaos and strugles and uncertanity and my brain just don't know yet how to deal with succes?
anyways I'm sitting here.... tired and anxious and not feeling anything else for my succes than "okay."

Hi Debra,
Thanks a lot for sharing your story. Could the anxiety come from any other cause other than current events? Or maybe the anticipation of this new period in your life is causing the anxiety? This is not comparable to your situation but I have been waiting for a SS resolution here in my country for a while. In the last two weeks I received a positive communication and saw other indicators in my case online that it is moving in the right direction. I should be less anxious but, I am even more anxious about it. And I am not sure why.
Ok, I wish you the best for this new period

I couldn't say for certain, because I don't really know you, but it sounds like your coping mechanisms are habitual.

Your automatic responses to deal with stressful situations became habit, becuase it is not only your natural reaction, but also ...it has worked for you. Just because your situation has changed, doesn't necessarily mean that your body knows the difference. A spike in adrenaline can be from stress or elation, therefore your default reaction is already in place.

I've had similar experiences where my body didn't know the difference between a panic attack and actually feeling happy. I had to make the conscious decision to know the difference. I know it might sounds a bit "new age" but a combination of meditation, visualizing and deep breathing techniques really helped me.

Once I recongnized that my natural coping mechanism wasn't necessary, I just had to take a few deep breathes and "talk" myself through it. I just kept telling myself that, although, I could seperate myself from the situation, I didn't need to be isolated from it. Knowing I was in a good situation, I could take a deep breathe and make the choice to "be present."

Sometimes, I would kind of ...practice at night when I had some down time. I'd picture myself in a stressful situation and "walk" myself through it. Then, I would do the same with a good situation, and visualize myself reacting to that. Eventually, I could more easily break the pattern of my body's natural response.

Anyways... that is what worked for me. I hope you find what works for you.

By the way, I think it's awesome that you made a plan and moves in the right direction in your life!! You should be proud yourself, even if you think you still have a ways to go. Very impressive!

Exactly what I thought is going on! Thanks! it is really encouraging to see someone who actually worked this out! I know I made a lot of progress towards it.... and I do sometimes have a burst of proudness in me... like "omg I did it for real" lol
I just know I'm far away from reaching my own potential and fear that I will fall back again.......... but I'm not giving up too easy this time... better work smarter :

hello debra. you need to ask yourself WHY you are striving for all this (whatever the 'this' is). are you striving for YOU and your expectations of yourself - or are you striving to complete someone else's expectations? many times, stress comes from doing things you think are expected of you but not actually what YOU want to do. do you actually like what your future will be? are the exams REALLY that important to YOU - or to others who deem them important so that you can further your career in what is expected of you?
suppose your father is a chemist and you feel you ought to follow in his footsteps - but actually you yourself would love to be a writer. you must decide who is more important - your dreams or your father's. if you put someone else's dream before your own, you , probably , will always be stressed and sad. i wish you well and hope you find a vocation YOU enjoy.

Well thanks, but I'm well ahead of this phrase....
my mom is a writer, my dad is an engineer... although I write and kind of nerdish, but I never wanted to be eighter... my mom wanted to be a doctor or a tleast a nurse, but she couldn't manage to go to collage, but her life is so drastically different that it is just simply no match.
I always wanted to get a higher degree in something - because I'm thrilled for knowledge, science and I like to think.
however school was kind of traumatizing for me.... and I become a musician/music teacher because that was a clear path that time.... leaving behind any plan, simply because "I could never study that much...."
And after a grand breakdown of things I had to reconsider my plans for my future.... and I sucessfully come back to the starting point - when I loved knowledge and wanted to learn science.....
A friend of mine said, when I told her I can't really feel happy about my successes - "you're just naturally got disappointment in a lot of things that previously was your interest."
and indeed. this is my second run for getting a career....