[GenCat]

People just dont listen to me anymore. They talk over me when I'm talking or never answer my questions or change the subject I'm on to something different. And apparently things I say, I know nothing about and they know better than me and I'm stupid and what I say goes in one ear and right out the other. I'm so done with trying to help people and telling them what my opinion is. Fact is what I say or think doesn't matter to anyone else unless the other person gets something good out of it like money or a present ect. I know the world doesn't revolve around me, but I'm done so done with ignorant stupid princess headed people!!

[vonmoxie]

People's communication skills are going downhill the world over.

Should you decide to give them another chance, maybe nudge them in the right direction by trying things like the following:

• call them out when you notice they're not listening ("hey, are you listening?") and if it seems to be chronic maybe express some concern ("are you okay? because it seems like you're having trouble hearing me out right now")

• call them out when they offer unsolicited advice, remind them you haven't requested any. if they haven't even heard the relevant information yet, maybe request they save their comments until they've heard the whole story.

• definitely call them out on changing the subject. that is hella annoying. ask why they are doing it; if there is a reason it might be much better to get it out in the open, and the other possibility is they're not doing it entirely consciously. distracted by racing thoughts and such. you might be helping them out by calling attention to it.

just my 2 cents or so ..of unsolicited advice!

__________________
vonmoxie

“To invent your own life’s meaning is not
easy, but it’s still allowed, and I think you’ll
be happier for the trouble.”

— Bill Watterson

[greentires4me]

well ignorant people are on my agenda to rename to stupid or morons. Just I try to stay away from them as best as I possibly can. Not everyone is going to take to our opinions on what we think that would be right for them. Not to take it personal just its them not us.

I remember something someone once said those who speak louder then us not exactly to be assholes just to be bigger opinionated jerks. We also pick our battles because we will not exactly win everything but as long as we are able to agree on something we can ultimately come to the realization that its a win win situation. Woohoo!!

Just to let you know you are person who has wants, needs and ultimately values, morals and a great smile.

i think I did some sort of service if not I can laugh at myself and still sit upright.

[Forever hopeful]

Hi Gencat hugs my friend. Too bad for them on missing out on you. You have I brilliant beautiful mind with a kind heart that goes along with it. I'm sorry your needs are not being met. I apologize for not being quite on topic my mind is too foggy right to put through what I would like to say to maybe help handle those situations so I will pm you when later.

[Idiot17]

My brain is currently a bit muddled but just want to let you know that I agree and understand with what you're saying. People these days just don't listen, they change the topic, ask you to repeat something million times.....

((((((Gencat)))))))

[flours]

Hi,

I've made the experience a lot that people don't even notice sometimes when I'm speaking. even if I'm standing right in front of them. they just suddenly start talking about something completely different while I'm in the middle of a sentence. or just turn around and walk away.

I don't know why that is.

but I've noticed that it happens less when I'm doing fine. I've been trying to figure out how it works for a long time. there must be something about the body language or the voice or something that tells them we don' t need to be heard. and that is less when doing well. it probably has a lot to do with self-confidence.

but it's not that simple to say "just be more confident!"
it doesn't work like that. but if any of you have come across how it works I'd be very interested!

[Alone & confused]

It seems to me that allot of people have forgotten how to relate to people one on one. It seems as though unless you have a Facebook or text screen in front of you, you can't be heard or responded to! The decline in human relations is ridiculous!!

[Clara22]

Hi Gencat
I kind of feel like you, somehow
Hi Flours,
You are right. In my country of origin never happened to me. Then I moved to the US and started happening. Then I thought it was a cultural issue. Then for work I had to deal with different nationalities and go to different places and continue happening. Then I realized somehow I transpired my stress and insecurity and the main source of that was language. I learned English late in life and I was very stressed about it all the time.
On the other had I recently stop talking to many people because their unwanted advice irritates me a lot. They are judgemental about my depression and I do not want to put up with their opinions. This is not the only reason why I isolate myself but it is a big deal of it.

[birdpumpkin]

My mom and husband both do this to me, and it drives me crazy. I feel they don't think what I have to say is important. I'll be trying to discuss something with my husband, and he'll completely change the subject and start talking about something else. It's like, "Did you even hear me at all??" Or I'll be commenting on something mom has said, and she'll start on something completely different. Sometimes it's like I have to tell them 2 or 3 times because it doesn't even go through.

[flours]

Originally Posted by birdpumpkin

My mom and husband both do this to me, and it drives me crazy. I feel they don't think what I have to say is important. I'll be trying to discuss something with my husband, and he'll completely change the subject and start talking about something else. It's like, "Did you even hear me at all??" Or I'll be commenting on something mom has said, and she'll start on something completely different. Sometimes it's like I have to tell them 2 or 3 times because it doesn't even go through.

with my family I've also experienced that I have to repeat things. but sometimes they just forget to show me that they've already heard what I said.

I should tell them to be more polite. I guess asking for that or pointing out that it is (=using the word) impolite may help, too.

Originally Posted by GenCat

People just dont listen to me anymore. They talk over me when I'm talking or never answer my questions or change the subject I'm on to something different. And apparently things I say, I know nothing about and they know better than me and I'm stupid and what I say goes in one ear and right out the other. I'm so done with trying to help people and telling them what my opinion is. Fact is what I say or think doesn't matter to anyone else unless the other person gets something good out of it like money or a present ect. I know the world doesn't revolve around me, but I'm done so done with ignorant stupid princess headed people!!

Gencat the people I went to university with were as pig headed in this way and have actually made me want to help people with their issues as a job because they were so selfish, you have something precious these pigs lack which is compassion, and we all need people like this around in society. Because it is a selfish and princess headed society we live in.
Don't give up x

[woundedsoul]

[QUOTE=flours;3894074]Hi,

I've made the experience a lot that people don't even notice sometimes when I'm speaking. even if I'm standing right in front of them. they just suddenly start talking about something completely different while I'm in the middle of a sentence. or just turn around and walk away.

I don't know why that is.

but I've noticed that it happens less when I'm doing fine. I've been trying to figure out how it works for a long time. there must be something about the body language or the voice or something that tells them we don' t need to be heard. and that is less when doing well. it probably has a lot to do with self-confidence.

I'm not sure that it actually happens less when you're fine, or it's that you just notice it less. Probably more likely the latter of the two. When we are in a state of being what it like to call "hyper critical", where I will over emphasize everything anyone says or does. I may inject meaning into things where there isn't any. Like going to dinner with new friends, and assuming that the wife doesn't like me because of the way she was looking at me. Or assuming when you see some friends talking across the room that they must be talking about you. If your friend doesn't return your call/text, they're mad at you or they just don't like you as much as they like the other girls in the group, and you wonder why? It is such a frustrating feeling to be stuck in this hyper critical state where you are constantly questioning everything, and every relationship. Do they really like you? Are you good enough? How can I be good enough? But, obviously, I don't know, because I'm stuck myself. Sorry.

[flours]

Originally Posted by woundedsoul

I'm not sure that it actually happens less when you're fine, or it's that you just notice it less.

I actually think so.

however the other thing you're talking about is just as true! so it's even worse if people keep doing that when someone is already hyper critical.

I've always been sensitive about getting interrupted and this is an issue I've been watching for a long time. people do actually interrupt or ignore me more when I am not self-confident. (been counting) also I don't really find that so surprising. because self-confident people show you that their trustworthy because they trust themselves. so it's more likely other people want to listen. and people like listening more to positive ideas than to sad stories because they want to be happy themselves.

[waterknob1234]

I hate when people act like that, when they don't listen, talk over you, or act like they know more than you. It is so rude and disrespectful. I just want to say something like. "I am glad you know more than me and nothing I have to say is important to you." and just walk out the room. People can be aggravating idiots.

I've actually found that regardless of whether I say anything or not people will still continue to do the same thing. Doesn't matter who it is. Even people I come in contact with on a regular basis. No matter how many times I bring up the same issue with the same person in a respectful & assertive way. I boil it down to these people don't have any respect for me - this also shows in how they treat me in general but that's something else entirely...

Still though, I agree with a lot of what has been mentioned already.

And you know what's funny? Sometimes when you ignore those same people they try to get your attention and ask if you heard what they said. It's not with everyone, but it does happen.

[fluffbuster]

Gen - you are asking for respect. i think oft-times, it's a basic human need. Sounds like you're hanging and being w/ people whom you may care for but they care less about you. you need to change crowds.
why hang w/ people who don't care about your opinion? if you just hang merely to be part of the group because you are lonely otherwise - then this is the consequence of such a decision.
it just brings you down when you hang w/ people who care less about what you think. they are saying (in a non-verbal way) - you don't matter. - so you have to switch it honey.
if you're not in the 'in-crowd' - trust me - there are plenty - plenty of other people in the out-crowd - you just have to keep on looking.

[glok]

Hello, GenCat. Just curious, if you stop talking to people, who or what will you talk to?