[Little Jay]

In the rational part of my head, I know what a stupid and pointless thing to do it would be, but I often get the urge to run away. I sit and look outside the window or look far into the distance and I think about leaving everything behind and just running and running and not stopping. I guess I don't think what I'd do about the obvious things such as money, food etc. I think maybe I just feel desperate for some sort of escape.

I think about getting a plane ticket to anywhere, or not caring where I end up, I don't think I even see myself stopping at all. In my head I picture it to be some really good thing - as if somehow I could magically escape all my problems and forget about everything. I know how reckless it would be considering that I get suicidal and depressed without much warning or trigger, but it can just be a spur of the moment urge.

It's stupid because you can't run away from yourself, and everything that is wrong with me is all inside my head. I won't leave my feelings behind. I sometimes think that there is no point trying to build a life for myself. I don't care about myself, it seems a waste of time to work on something I don't care about. I don't know how I lost the ability to care about myself, or maybe I never did. I feel like I don't even know what is wrong with me. All these feelings are so confusing.

[gma45]

Hi littlejay, I have thought of running away before also. I even saw the news paper head lines.....Women missing unable to be found! Then I would think about just laying on a beach with one of those little drinks with an umbrella in it with not a care in the world. Ya right, not going to happen! You are right we can't get away from ourselves, but I think it is ok to dream once in a while. I know someone here once told me to start looking in the mirror and telling myself I was a good person and I was worth it. I didn't like what I saw but after a while it did help. You are worth it too, just keep telling that to yourself and maybe someday you will believe it! I hope to see ya around and I wish you well!

[regretful]

Depression has done that to me over the years...an escape to somewhere - wishing for the days when I did not have the responsibility that I have now..but I think of that book title from J Kabat Zinn..."no matter where you go, there you are"...When I was not in the throes of depression, that title and book made perfect sense to me; now that I'm dealing with some rather debilitating depression, the title means "no escape"...so in reply to your question, "yes"...

[freefallin]

I have the desire to escape somewhere new all of the time, but I don't have the urge to literally open my door and run aimlessly. If I had money, I would have "ran away" elsewhere a long time ago, but I don't, so I guess it'll be a long time before I know whether starting fresh elsewhere is really the answer to a lot of my unhappiness...I think it actually might be; I don't think it's an entirely irrational idea. I know people who have decided there was nothing left for them where they were and found much more contentment somewhere new.

[Clara22]

Hi Little Jay,
as far as you know that you and your inner world go with you wherever you go, going to another place and spend some time there may not be a bad idea. Somehow, one can take distance of certain point of views and "rigidities" in the place of origin. New places bring also new challenges and stress to adapt. Little money does not help but sometimes you do not need a lot, either, but a good program. Sometimes, dedicating some time to research overseas opportunities help to make our mind. I wish you the best

[IrisBloom]

I'd love to run away, but I know I take my problems with me, so it probably wouldn't change much.

[Pierro]

I once bought a one-way ticket to Amsterdam, but I never went. Sometimes nothing matters does it? Thats the way I felt, my kids my house, my husband, job etc... You are right of course, you cannot run away from yourself, your feelings, your thoughts. They are all there with you like excess baggage. Depression will engulf your life and strangle it just like a weed.. You are not getting the help you need. I know you said you dont care but that's not you talking, that's the illness.
Best wishes

[flours]

yeah sometimes it helps to go somewhere else just for a change. I guess that's why people go on holidays or travel. you see something new and get the chance to change your point of view.
if you feel stuck new experiences can actually help. but it's not always like that. don't know if it works or if you just get annoyed by everything. that's how I sometimes feel about things that are too familiar and something strange may seem so much nicer.
I would like to go somewhere, too. not run away but leave town for a while and get some fresh air. I think spending some time away would make me a different person. as soon as I find a way to afford that I'm out of here!

[Little Jay]

I go on holiday for 10 days next week, to Mallorca. I don't know if it'll be the kind of escape I need as I'm going with my partner and his family. I'm actually kind of dreading it. I'll be expected to be happy and everything, when right now I just don't feel it, and don't even feel like pretending either. But maybe it will be good for me to get away for a little bit..

[JustBryan12345]

Yes just running away with a pocket full of money and God on my side. To see whats out there. Whats really out there... I even thought about it really. Not the actual idea of running away but the real idea of just living on the road. Traveling around meeting new people is exciting. That's one of my dreams honestly. But there's more danger then friends out there. That's reality.

[Little Jay]

Yep, I think I have rose tinted glasses when it comes to my escape. I know that my depression and everything would come along with me, but in my head there's a new me leaving it all behind, being happy and carefree and just having fun and enjoying life. But the reality would probably be that I'd spiral into being even more lost and depressed!

[IrisBloom]

I hope you find some relief on your trip. Talk yourself into having a good time. Think positive thoughts. You will still have to face problems when you return, but give yourself a break.

[freefallin]

I recently posted on a forum for travelers to London asking if there are programs set up for solo travelers to meet other travelers and go on a trip together. I don't have the resources now, but I wanted to know for future purposes. Everyone encouraged me to just travel alone, and now I so so badly want to just book a flight and go. If I had the money, I would definitely be there within two or three weeks.