[bronzeowl]

Feeling stuck.

Knowing that change is possible, but feeling like you're the 'one' exception to the rule. Feeling like every day is going to be the same, so wondering what the point even is. Wanting to believe you can recover, but fearing that recovery is not for people like you.

[Raindropvampire]

I fear/feel all that. Don't know about you but my other big thought is what if I'm just not meant to be happy?? I'm bipolar but spend almost all my time down. What if I'm so used to it I can't be happy? What if my brain has gotten so used to the depression it can't function without it?

[bronzeowl]

That's a big thought of mine, as well, and goes hand in hand with feeling stuck and fearing I'll never be happy.

I literally cannot remember being legitimately happy. And I'd like to, and I try to believe that I will. But days like today, I feel like I'm not meant to. Ever.

For you.

[Creative1onder]

I think the worst thing about depression is feeling of isolation, being alone like people don't care about you, ignore you etc. And feeling hopeless, unworthy. Also the physical aspect of it is difficult. And the dark intense feelings. Some people exacerbate how you feel too.

[Fuzzybear]

[regretful]

...being stuck in it wen you can still recall that you were, at one time, happy. Depression is a living hell.

[flours]

Originally Posted by Creative1onder

I think the worst thing about depression is feeling of isolation, being alone like people don't care about you, ignore you etc

Is that a part of depressive perception or is it actually happening because you don't act. as expected?

[Creative1onder]

The feeling alone, withdrawing, isolating, like being cut off from others, not feelnig significant, finding it difficult engaging with others and having overwhelming intense dark thoughts is a common part of depression that people experience.

[Lindt]

Feeling of helplessness, out of control, tied down. Trapped in a place where there's only pain. Unable to make it stop.

[IrisBloom]

You can and will get better. Remember you didn't get this way over night and you won't get better over night. Your thinking really can influence how you feel. Try thinking positive thoughts or planning something you can look forward to. And reaching out to others is not as hard as you think.

[jazzbella18]

It is really hard to me to remember the last time that I was actually happy. I dont want to feel down all the time.

[glok]

I expect if all responders to this thread defined what they mean by happy, we would have some interesting comments.

How does one know change is possible if one does not try? What is being done is not working. Something must change to become unstuck. What is your plan?

I wish all well.

[Creative1onder]

Depression is an illness that is both mental and physical and it is not the fault of individual. Though depression can be a way of telling us that something isn't right in our lives and change is needed. I don't see it all bad.

[bronzeowl]

Sorry my reply is late. Depression comes in waves, and when a depressive episode arrives, I often find that I don't want to move or really do anything.

I'm not even, really, sure how to respond. I feel like the past year has numbed me, perhaps even dumbed me down. My responses suffer when I'm in a funk.

The withdrawing.. the isolating.. yes, those are horrible, too. Perhaps they are part of what led to my feeling stuck.

I struggle to post because I'm afraid of sounding bitter. And that's strange, isn't it? I find, more and more, that I sound bitter. It's hard not to. What can I plan to look forward to? I have sought out events, they all cost money. I have tried to plan things with my sisters, and it always falls flat. I plan small things, but the isolation takes out the joy I would have once received from doing such things. And I'm aware that the depression is creating this cycle of self pity, and that's where my guilt comes in. And why I feel stuck.

What I'm doing isn't working. But I don't know what else to do. And right now, I'm exhausted.

How would I define happiness? I don't know. I can't remember ever legitimately being happy. I don't remember a time before the depression. I don't remember a time before the mental illness.

I guess this is coming out a bit bitter. So, for now, I'm going to retreat. Because I don't want to come across as bitter. I'm not. Although, feeling like I'm stuck has made me somewhat cynical. And I hate myself for that as it is.

ETA: I don't want to be happy. So, I don't care what happiness is.

I just don't want to be depressed. I do not think the two are opposites at all.

[candor5sos]

I think the worst part is just constantly thinking that life is literally useless. Like, why bother getting a job and learning how to play an instrument and finding a hobby and making relationships if we all just die in the end? It's inevitable. We're all just biding our time... So why bother?

[Creative1onder]

The opposite of Depression is enlightenment/spirituality which can free us. In Depression is opportunity to heal and transform if we wish. But we have to listen to important messages and take positive actions. We trap ourselves when believe destructive self limiting thoughts and feelings.

[Altered Moment]

For me it is the total lack of energy and motivation. I am totally fatigued and can't do anything, even shower. Thats when it is at its worse and I am suicidal.

To answer Gloks question I have for many years been treating it in all the ways known and whatever I can think of. I still have it though. So I have learned to live with it.

I have settled for less than happiness which to me means feelings of joy. Happiness I guess can be defined in many ways. I have reached a level of contentment and inner peace that is very valuable to me. I can live with that if it never gets any better. In good times I get much satisfaction out of the things I do and my intellectual pursuits. Even pleasure I guess. Even when in a deep depression I have a certain level of contentment because I have accepted it and largely don't care what others think. I still have shame about it and that will rob me of the contentment.

My biggest problem with it now is the fear of the future. What will my depression look like in the future? Will my current meds quit working? Will I be able to support myself financially? That last one is the biggest and causes much anxiety.

[TheDeepGreenSea]

Yeah, that familiar stuck feeling. When it's at its worst I just have a lot of trouble with seeing a better future. I'm OK socially for while, but it's hard once you get home. It's hard when you're at work, and it's almost the worst when you're going through the motions of chores and daily life. Being stuck in bed feeling like nothing is worth it at least doesn't have that nagging feeling of "everything I'm doing sucks, especially this" when I'm going through the motions. I just end up hating everything, and I don't want to be that guy.

And then there's that "is this it?" feeling after those moments when you do get outside of yourself and it's better... it sometimes feels like they just aren't really enough to be worth it. I know that's just negativity, and I know I've felt better and things weren't always like that. It's hard once you're trapped in there though. I got away from that feeling for a while... the world and life doesn't really make it easy to stay there unfortunately.

[freefallin]

I agree. I don't remember what it's like to not feel as though every bad situation is the end of the world. I used to get healthily upset about bad things, and now I feel like I'm stuck in every bad situation for the rest of my life.

[Clara22]

The fact is that we are not like machines you can just turn on. I used to think like Glok but now... This is new to me

[Pierro]

knowing that it will not get any better.

[Hobbit House]

like your quote

[waterknob1234]

Feeling like things will never change and you will never get better. Feeling like you are in a black hole. yes, remembering when you felt joy in life, and wondering if you will ever feel happiness in life again.

[venusss]

I beleive a lot of Kafka's novels are about this. Especially the Castle. Everybody is asking why doesn't the geodesist (sp?) just get up and leave when the situation is dire. But it's often not easy... or it feel that way.

While I say we can and have to do the steps to change... often it feels like a task that is impossible for one human.

The thing is to try to define your goals in achievable and very concrete terms (as opposed to "I wanna be happy and normal.")

[flours]

Originally Posted by VenusHalley

I beleive a lot of Kafka's novels are about this. Especially the Castle.

I've been understanding so many pieces of art suddenly because I understand depression. they just make so much more sense now. will also reread this one. thanks for the post!