[yumi]

I noticed myself doing this many, many years ago. I'm so depressed most of the time, yet there is an odd and unnatural strength , maybe its not strength, maybe its a defence mechanism, because I am well aware of exactly when I am doing this blocking and shoving down intense emotions. I feel like if I don't, I will collapse and absolutely lose it.

Just going to places like Walmart is absolute torture to me. So many things, at every possible corner bring up a deep mourning inside of me....everything reminds me of of everyone I love. I walk down the isles and have to hold everything in. I feel like I am going to pass out, yet I don't. I suppress the emotion as soon as it envelops me, until I spot something else that will trigger the emotions and I block it again.

I don't know what this is, but I have noticed it for many years.

I guess I feel like people think I don't feel emotions or something, but I very much do. If I allow all of it to overcome me, I know I am not strong enough to withstand it. I know I will break in half. I feel like I will die from the grief. Sometimes I wish I would just allow myself to. I know I am so close.

I do this a lot too. Or rather, I try to. Depending on what it is and when it strikes though, I might fail at suppressing it :/ it's definitely overwhelming at times though.

Generally, I'm a very "let the emotions flow" if I'm in a private setting and I actually find it cathartic in some ways. For me, venting to others and crying my myself is a good way to let out my feelings because I've noticed that bottling and blocking them out doesn't really... Mend very much? I mean, don't get me wrong, it helps hold things together but sometimes I feel like I'm hold a whole ocean back behind a very weak dam. And so choosing specifically when to let little bits out tend to ease the pressure off.

But yeah my entire school campus is a trigger ground for me and so each time I go outside it's like a mine field waiting to explode :/ I wear headphones and try to zone out as much as possible because if I do see something that causes my emotions to run haywire then it feels like there are fire alarms going off in my head and everything is going too fast and too slow and it's just an ugly feeling so I just try to avoid triggering it in the first place. Unfortunately it doesn't always work u_u

[Altered Moment]

It is a perfectly natural defense mechanism. We naturally suppress or stuff emotions to protect ourselves. It is stuff we are just not ready to deal with yet. That is why therapy and treatment and all that kind of stuff is important. To get you to a place where you can let those emotions come up and deal with them in a healthy way.

[dandylin]

Oh yes, I can relate. You become an expert at pushing it all down. I used to think it was a reset button I'd push and all would be good. It wasn't magic, I just pushed those things so far down that I don't deal with them; until they deal with me.

[Idiot17]

i suppress it all, and never let the intensity out. it's the only way to do it. so yea, i can relate.
hugs.

[Shriveled Muse]

I definitely do that all the time just that my triggers aren't the same as yours. In fact, it's like an instinct for me since I've been doing it for the past few years. Likewise, I'm afraid that if I don't, I will break and lose it in front of everyone. That is what I need to avoid at all costs. The other thing that is different for me however is that sometimes I don't notice when I'm suppressing until later I feel the pressure building up and am unable to let it out. Right now, I think it'd be better if suppression isn't used, but actually I don't know how to unblock my emotions....

[eggplantlife]

I'm thinking of doing this as not to upset my friend anymore. I think that's what I'm trying to do.
I need to figure out a way to live with people around me and especially around children. Not mine.

[waterknob1234]

I am recently trying to do this as a coping mechanism, especially at work. I tried this the other day and it actually helped me. It may be harmful in the long run, but in the short run it seemed to help. I was getting fussed at over something so trivial. I tried a technique I called "I will put this issue on a shelf and deal with it later." Then I walked away from the fussing and continued my work without falling apart, crying, and getting upset. It helped. In the process I think I upset a couple of co-workers but I kept my emotional stability intact and was able to function on the job. I have to try different things to work in an atmosphere of bullying and intimidation.