[LadyDragus]

It has been awhile yet again, I thought I had found a site where I could be safe and thought I had made some friends.. I know some of them truly care about me others I am not so sure about..

Lately I have been battling much since our Ice strom on Jan 12th and we almost lost everything.. I do not recall if I came on and told any of you about this.. but it was bad, we still hve enough tree limbs in our back yard to make the biggest bonfire in the state We were with out power those 14 days and I hated it as I had to stay in a hotel room with my childern and not have much to do.. My kids were great they got to watch cable as we cant afford it at home..

I had some bad deperessive eposides then, and I really had no one to chat with, that understod me and what I was going through ever since then I hve gotten worse yet again.

I had been doing really well, I had not cut myself in 13 years and I started again when we were in the hotel, the stress of being out of my home got to me badly and at times I did not think I would make it to the next day.

these last few weeks have been very hard on me and my family. as no one has extra money to give us to help us pay for the things we had to fix, or eating out stragit for 2 weeks.. we lost all of our extra money we had saved for our credit cards to pay them off, and our income taxes now is not going to be enough to help..

My mood right now is so dark, all I see is ppl staring at me saying ooohhh look at that unclean person look at that person with the bandages on her arms, I wonder what she did to deserve that.

it scares me that I realy cant confide in ppl as it gets used against me...
I am not even sure what i am writing about as i am rambling but i have to try to find somehwer I can talk about this or i could do something worse.

oh I dont know, maybe I shoudl stop

[katheryn]

sorry you suffered so bad during the ice storms, struggling for money just to provide for our familys is hard without extra presure like these storms and things that are sent to try us, i hope you feel better soon,
((((((((((((((((LadyDragus))))))))))))))

[PlanningtoLive]

{{{{{Trish}}}}}}}} sending you warm wishes and lots of love your way. I'm sorry that the storm took so much from your family. I can sure relate to being without money and having nowhere to turn.

Keep posting, it may help so that you don't cut. Remember you are cared for a great deal.

Love,

Mary Alice

[Christina86]

(((((((((LadyD)))))))))

I care about you. You've got a nice heart

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Trish ))))))))))))))))


Love,
Fuzzy

[LadyDragus]

thank you all.
I do apperciate all the words.

That is one of the main reasons I came back here as so I would not start cutting again.

I had went almost 13 years with out it.. and I feel so far and so hard off the wagon I am not sure I want to go back on it.

as it did feel good, but it hurt my husband .. To see the pain in his eyes when he found the scar, I almost died on the inside

[LittleMilly]

(((((((((((((trish))))))))))))))

i feel so bad because i havent been around for you



Milly

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((trish)))))))))))))))))))))))) I am so sorry that you life has been so very hard lately. It must be very difficult for you and your family. I am just glad that you are all safe. Please try and not be ashamed of your circumstance. I know that is hard as people can be so hurtful at times.

I am very sad how your relapse has affected you. Especially after such a long time. But, under the circumstances maybe that was the only way you saw to cope at the time. You ceirtainly have a lot to cope with. I know it must be very hard. You have stopped once and you can again. I know it is hard. Please try not to beat yourself up over it.

I am sorry but I need to go to work and I feel that I have done an inadequate job here. Just know that I am here should you need someone to talk to. Take care.

[LadyDragus]

((((((((((( milly )))))))))) you have ennoug to deal with, you cant always be there for me.. I could have emiled you and told you I needed a shoulder. But I am bad about asking for help untill it gets bad.. which right now it is.

I am constantly fighitng wiht my husband over hte littles things.
I wanted to go to a movie last night with some friends he said NO .. he has never told me no before... He has almost become to controlling for me. I love to hvae freedom, and the friends where going to pay for my dinner and my movie so I could get a break from being in the house all the time.

He would not let me go, he wont let me go anywhere with out him unless it is in the moring when I take my daugther to school.

lately he has been so "overprotective" it is starting to hurt me more than I let on to him. I have always been so indeptedent in my life .. Doing the things I wanted and having some fun. but you know I dont have fun anymore, I worry if I talk to the wrong person in his eyes will he be upset at me for having friends again.
I just realy and truly do not know much more of his behavior I can take.

this is also one of the things that is brining me down even more

[LadyDragus]

just responding and helping me to talk this out from all of you it is helping..
making me to deal with the feelings I do not want to deal with..

I am not myself lately and many of my friends have noctied things and said littel things to me, but not to hurt me just to try to get me to understand that my husband is becoming a control freak.

I have never wanted to belive those words from anyone but right now I do... and it scares me but pisses me off too .. I am an indepent person always have been, so know I have to wait and see.

I just want a break from all the screaming and stress going on at this house he gets one every day by going to work, I cant work so I get stuck athome to deal with everything including hte stress of taking the phone calls on his house his bills .. I mean i know we are supposed to share stuff, but I am almost to the point I cant talk to him about anything and that does not bode well..

[Soidhonia]

Hello Lady. I am very sorry for your pain and what you are going through at this time. Many times thereare resource agencies in your community, The Salvation Army can help with bills and food, and direct you to ohter services in your area that may be helpful at this time. Itis good to hear from you again Lady really, I hope you keep posting and things get better soon. PM anytime take care Soidhonia

[LadyDragus]

we did get some of our lost food back by the way of something called replacment food stamps, but the Salvation army and the Red cross are both over budget with having to run the shelters for 16 days .. with food and heating and such..

so they are sending us to FEMA and they wotn give a dime to help

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((((( Trish )))))))))))))))))

[so_it_goes]

It seems so easy for people that haven't been there/here to be so critical and just not have a clue. Only some one that has been depressed can really empathize. I guess we all know this to well.

[LadyDragus]

I did not relize anyone crizising me or anything in this post..

[Fuzzybear]

Trish, I don't think that was what the poster meant?

[jlove973]

I am sorry for all the loss that occurd in the Ice storm you had. Be strong for yourself and your family. Don't hold back any feelings that you may be having at this time. I do not know you very well, but I am here for you if you need a friend. I am proud of you for being such a strong Woman, Wife, Mother and Friend.

Don't, I repeat, Don't let anyone GET YOU DOWN!!

I have gone through a flood in my home. It is not the same as an Ice Storm, but I have been in a simular situation as you.

If you need any References regarding what you can do or where to go for for support I would be glad to help you. During my situation I seeked out help.

REMEMBER~I am here for you. I am a PM away.

Jilene

[LadyDragus]

oh ok..
i might have mis understood it then..

I am not in a good place so please for give me ok.

[Sabrina]

(((LadyDragus)))

It sounds so trite, but there really is a light at the end of that long dark tunnel. I am holding the torch and it is burning brightly. I won't let go.

You hang in there hon! You have such a good and kind heart!

[Fuzzybear]

[Fuzzybear]

[LadyDragus]

thank you all.
i am hanging in there, not doing well, but I am trying for at least my kids sake..