[glitterrosez89]

I get into these moods quite regularly where I just lay in bed and cry and cry and cry for no real reason. It doesn't matter if I have 27 things I need to get done. I just can't get myself to stop crying and get up. One would think it would be so simple -- just stop blubbering and go be productive. But I can't. It's so frustrating, and I feel so pathetic.

[CastlesInTheAir]

,I know exactly what you mean. Just di

[Frankbtl]

Hi glitter, I'd say that there was a real reason .........not "just you", not just you being "irrational" but depression would you say? And depression can be/is very real. But that's not to say it can't be overcome with help/support.
And yes, theoretically some things should be simple, but depression can change all of that and make things so much harder. So don't "beat yourself up"/blame yourself/think it's your fault if you're struggling to do/can't do x, y or z. Just try to do whatever you can, right now. And make sure you're giving yourself credit for what you manage, because it's not at all simple, not not at all easy is it?
And let's get rid of the "pathetic", yes?? To be having to cope with what you're coping with doesn't make you pathetic!! The same as it's going to be pretty hard running with a broken leg, isn't it?
So back to.............it's a bit/a lot more than a try to "snap out of it" thing, yes? so could you talk about the way you're feeling to someone close to you, or get some (more?) help from a doctor/pdoc or perhaps a helpline?? Either way though remember you're not on your own in this, we're here for you. And if you want to talk more...........

Alison

[glitterrosez89]

I am not close to anyone, and I can't go to therapy because the stupid insurance company tells my father the name of every provider I see and how often I see that person. I do not want anyone to know if I go to a therapist. I am an adult, and it is not anyone's business. No money to pay out of pocket, so I just have to figure out how to fix myself.

I just want depression to leave me alone. It is 6 p.m., and I still have not gotten out of bed. Please make the crying stop...

Hi,
I know what you are talking about. I too have slept most of the day today and am beating myself up for feeling this way. It is not easy to get up and it is not easy to stop crying. Try to remember that you will not always feel like this, no matter how much it seems like it. Also, you are doing something - you are posting here, which is a great step towards finding support. I hope the crying stops soon, and that you are able to get some sort of help with the depression.

[glitterrosez89]

I finally stopped crying after about six hours of it, and now I'm just trying to get things done that I need to do. I can't concentrate, and it is so hard. I wish I could disappear from existence sometimes.

[lovesdogs99]

That is literally exactly how I felt this morning when I woke up...

[Frankbtl]

Hi glitter, really good you made it through the crying
Now as for the things you need to do that you're struggling with, maybe break them down into the things you REALLY need to do. Do you think possibly some things are less urgent and can be left or postponed???
I'm not talking leaving stuff to pile up, because that's just going to be even more pressure on you another time, it's just that when we see things as important sometimes they're not as important as we're thinking.
Because you know, fantastic you've made it up......fantastic you've made it through the crying............but I'm sure things are still really not that easy for you, depression can take so much out of you.
As for not being able to go to a T because your father would know..............do you think that maybe a little part of you would/could say "I don't care about my fathers reaction, if it's bad then that's his problem, I deserve help with this........and if I can get help to get through it what does it matter what anyone else thinks. I matter more than that!!!"????
But if that's not coming right now (and of course I don't know the situation with your father), then there's a Ask a Therapist bit on here that might help, or helplines/crisis lines and like I said us/we're here too if you need us!!
And, you know, perhaps your doctor would be a good route to take too, if you'd consider talking to him/her??

Alison

[Fuzzybear]

[glitterrosez89]

I am going to call a therapist tomorrow. Whatever. I hope someone can get me in soon. I feel like I am losing my mind.

[Frankbtl]

Hi glitter, really good decision!!
Got to put yourself first, right?! And absolutely nothing wrong with reaching out for help when you need it. And of course, we're here for you too!!

Alison

[glitterrosez89]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi glitter, really good decision!!
Got to put yourself first, right?! And absolutely nothing wrong with reaching out for help when you need it. And of course, we're here for you too!!

Alison

Thank you. I have an appointment on Thursday.

[waterknob1234]

Hi glitterrosez89. I hope you find a good therapist. It is a positive step to take to get help. Keep posting to us here. I like your glittery butterfly. Best of wishes.

[lovesdogs99]

Originally Posted by glitterrosez89

Thank you. I have an appointment on Thursday.

Hey! I have my second therapy appointment on Thursday. Good luck!