Here I go again *trigger*

So, today was a crappy day, what else is new? Anyway, I've cut several times today...found and xacto knife...that worked pretty well. but that isn't the point. Infact, I don't think that I have a point...not in life at least. I am so tired of all this. I am just so damn tired. I know that I say this all the time...and it is still true, and i don't do anything about it. I am really getting close to the edge here. I can see little pebbles falling down the side of the cliff...as I inch closer and closer to the edge...about to fall. I am so close. Just another step or two and I will go over. I am ready to go over. I want to go over, to end all this. This pain, this crap that I must endure every damn day. I am tired of it. So freaking tired. I feel as though I could sleep for days...years...forever. Now, I must go, and do homework...I can't even think of it...I don't know. Goodbye.

[b] These wounds won't seem to heal...this pain is just too real..there's just too much that time cannot erase....[b]

Maybe you should of called a pdoc or your local mental health department, rather than choose to SI??
I cannot stress enough, that rather SI yourself you should seek help, if you really want to overcome this, just talking on the internet is not enough, you need help, and it is all up to you, if you do not I fear you may end up suiciding yourself, is this what you really want??? You do have choices, you can get help with this, I am sure you know this already, but you have to make the first step, once you do you'll move on and be so much better off, this is something that just time alone can't help

Please get help first, then drop by here when you ever wish to chat with friends

Take care, and know I wishyou well.

DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

Hi Dreamer

I kow what you mean about being tire of it.

My lowest point was back in 1994, I got up around 2 am and felt that everyone around me would be better off if I was gone. So I got a razor (it was galette razor, how sad is that) and just proceded to scrape my chest, not cut just scape, very pathetic. The pain of all those scrapes took my Si thoughts away, and thats when it hit me like a ton of bricks to get help. Not to mention I was so ashamed when my husband saw them. He also agreed, and said he would go with me or do whatever I wanted him to do.

My first appointment with the psychatrist was very scary and embaressing. But you know, I felt great talking to him, and that was befor the meds kicked in, just the thought of talking to someone that was going to get my head together was relief.

I have made an appointment to talk to a therapist again, and I feel that there aren't so many black clouds surrounding me.

It couldn't hurt to go once. and don't forget you have us to talk to when you finish talking to him/her.

If you can't talk to a psychatrist talk to your family doctor they can help you too or steer you in the right direction.

Dreamer, I'm going to be direct here and please don't be offended by what I am about to say.

I know all about being pushed too far, feeling like you're losing it and wanting it all to end. I am in NO WAY advocating this, and I admit it was not what I had wanted to do; however, I found myself being resusicitated yesterday in an ambulance, forced to drink charcoal, and an over night stay in the Psych ward.

This is my second time. The first time I deliberately wanted to die - this time I have no clue what happened or why, it just did. That scared me even more. I've been on the edge for quite awhile and just kept letting the crap pile up until I collapsed.

Stop cutting, stop feeling bad for your life, go get help. Cutting does nothing long term, and whining is simply pointless - after awhile no one reads the posts.

You have lived thus far, you have the strength to change your life. I am no example of someone wonderful or someone who is making it.........if anything, I am the example of what NOT to be.

This time was an accident, it was unconscious, which makes it even more scary. I won't survive another one. Don't let that be you.

If I've offended anyone, I'm sorry. Just say that I'm a little raw around the edges today.

Mary Alice

P.S. I may not have a job anymore either since they happened right outside the place.

Wow...what mary alice said really made sense. Especially the part about whining...I have said it before...and...now i mean it, I will leave. I know that I annoy you all, and that my whining is pathetic...I've known for a long time. Mary alice, don't feel this is because of you, it isn't. Simply that what you said finally made me realize what I have to do. I must leave this fourm...at least stop posting. I may read posts..but will no longer post myself. I am tired of hearing my own whining...and therefore you all shouldn't have to hear it either.

[b] These wounds won't seem to heal...this pain is just too real..there's just too much that time cannot erase....[b]

Dreamer, don't be a quitter. You can change your life and we all will help you if you want. You aren't alone, never have been.

Leaving will accomplish nothing except giving in to the problem. It was my understanding that you wanted to beat this, and feel more in control of yourself and your life and be better. You can't do that by leaving.

The choice as always is yours. But you've stuck it out for quite awhile here and I don't think you're a quitter. We just need to help reshape your thinking a little.