Too much for far too long. No energy left... no desire to keep going... still have to find a way to do so. Just want to sleep. A loooong sleep, not to feel and not to think. Trapped in a sticky oily web and I can't get free.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, SadNEmpty. Yes, exhaustion can trigger depression; depression often involves deep exhaustion. I hope you can get at least some refreshing rest soon.

Please make yourself at home.

[Frankbtl]

Hi SadAndEmpty, welcome to PC!!
I'm sorry you're feeling like this.........sometimes it can feel like there's nothing you can do but just "get by", but do you think it's your feelings you want/need to change, your life, or maybe a bit of both???
If you could change anything..................??
Although sometimes depression can come from either the smallest trigger, or even out of "nowhere" for no apparent reason and drag you down........and down..........
Do you have a pdoc or T there to support you, who you can talk to??
Not that I'm saying that everyone will need to go that route........but just a thought............
And of course if you want to talk a bit more here, there are plenty of really understanding, supportive people.
Again, welcome!!
Alison

[Fuzzybear]

Yes, I see a T.
My family situation is taking a lot out of me. Children with special needs, a husband who is a sober alcoholic and on top of that my own issues. I'm exhausted after years upon years of being "the mother lion" protecting and doing everything in my power for my children.
I'm now so so tired. I hate admitting that I am exhausted, but I am. There is no time to just "be". The calendar is filled with appointments for meetings to see the schools, psychiatric units, therapists etc. To always be on the ball writing schedules to hold the structure and write social stories... needed for both children...it's merely some of what's needed for us all to stay afloat.
I feel I have nothing more to give. I'm running on empty.

[Frankbtl]

Hi SadAndEmpty, it sounds like you've been through/are going through a lot and there's no "shame" whatsoever in saying you're exhausted
And still, a lot of responsibilities, a lot of having to be in control, a lot of time spent focusing on others, a lot of feeling like you have to keep it together/be there for everyone??
But maybe in some of those meetings for your children you could be saying a little more about how hard/stressful it might be at times?? And in no way should anyone be thinking that you're "incapable" or "a bad mother", it should more be about them supporting you in finding different ways or resources to be supporting them. Just ask them to work with you in x, y or z, if you haven't already, hey??
And if we're talking some "challenging behaviours" or difficulties with communication then maybe you'll find some stuff online to help.............e.g. "gentle teaching" might help or.......anyway come back to me on that if you want.
Any family who could give you a bit of a break though..........just to get out/away a bit more?? Or even your husband taking more responsibilities??? I'm guessing you're thinking you haven't even got the energy to get out (??) but even for a bit of a walk/somewhere not far away??
But your husband..........if it's effects from living with the alcoholism, or worries about him maintaining his sobriety (however long he's been sober)??? First stop your T, but maybe contacting AlAnon might help a little??? I know, more appointments or more phone calls!!! But maybe worth a try???
But don't forget, you may be a wife and a mother but you're still you too!! So try to make some time for yourself wherever you can, and by the sounds of it maybe try a few more "No"'s or "I can't"'s, just a few??
You really have to put yourself first, at times, you have enough to cope with, right??!!
You shouldn't have to do all of this, almost feeling like you're on your own. But you have us too, so don't forget that either, OK??

Alison

[Creative1onder]

I can see how your depression has a clear link with stress or difficult life situations. Whilst it is good if you can have encouragement, positive and supportive people , only you know yourself best and your life is in your own hands.

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi SadAndEmpty, it sounds like you've been through/are going through a lot and there's no "shame" whatsoever in saying you're exhausted
And still, a lot of responsibilities, a lot of having to be in control, a lot of time spent focusing on others, a lot of feeling like you have to keep it together/be there for everyone??
But maybe in some of those meetings for your children you could be saying a little more about how hard/stressful it might be at times?? And in no way should anyone be thinking that you're "incapable" or "a bad mother", it should more be about them supporting you in finding different ways or resources to be supporting them. Just ask them to work with you in x, y or z, if you haven't already, hey??
And if we're talking some "challenging behaviours" or difficulties with communication then maybe you'll find some stuff online to help.............e.g. "gentle teaching" might help or.......anyway come back to me on that if you want.
Any family who could give you a bit of a break though..........just to get out/away a bit more?? Or even your husband taking more responsibilities??? I'm guessing you're thinking you haven't even got the energy to get out (??) but even for a bit of a walk/somewhere not far away??
But your husband..........if it's effects from living with the alcoholism, or worries about him maintaining his sobriety (however long he's been sober)??? First stop your T, but maybe contacting AlAnon might help a little??? I know, more appointments or more phone calls!!! But maybe worth a try???
But don't forget, you may be a wife and a mother but you're still you too!! So try to make some time for yourself wherever you can, and by the sounds of it maybe try a few more "No"'s or "I can't"'s, just a few??
You really have to put yourself first, at times, you have enough to cope with, right??!!
You shouldn't have to do all of this, almost feeling like you're on your own. But you have us too, so don't forget that either, OK??

Alison

I'm so thankful for your reply and your constructive supportive words! If there was a box beside each suggestion, I'd tick them all. Tried it all... but still too much going on constantly. I probably sound like a whining pathetic woman.
I suppose it helps a tad bit to at least come here and vent some. I'm normally the one supporting all others, but right now I feel I need support.

Originally Posted by Creative1onder

I can see how your depression has a clear link with stress or difficult life situations. Whilst it is good if you can have encouragement, positive and supportive people , only you know yourself best and your life is in your own hands.

Thank you for your empathy and your listening ear!

[waterknob1234]

Hi SadNEmpty, it sounds like you are exhausted from the exhausting schedules. It sounds as though you need some time in the hectic schedule to do something helpful for yourself. Take care.

Thank you for caring, waterknob1234!
I wish there was a way to cut down even further on the amount of appointments etc. My husband is getting our daughter up and ready for school in the morning now, since 2 ½ weeks time, to give me some rest in the morning. Because our daughter has been feeling and is feeling really bad she's now only in school between 9 - 12 every day.

[Rohag]

In the US, "respite care" is the provision of support or time-off for caregivers. Perhaps something similar is available to you in your system?

[Frankbtl]

Hi SadAndEmpty, I know it must all seem non-stop,and when you've done one thing you've another not far behind it
It is good that you've got your husband doing a bit more though, just make sure you're not looking at it as you need help/can't manage though, OK?
He's their father, and it should be good for his and your children's relationship that he's starting to do more with them. I'd say he should have plenty of involvement, children can need their father as well if he's around, right? And maybe he could work up to doing just a few more things with/for them???
And maybe start prioritizing jobs a little, hey? e.g. if a few none essential household tasks don't get done or get postponed........then not the end of the world, especially with all you have to cope with.
And the time you do get to rest.........maybe schedule something relaxing/enjoyable in even if it's just relaxing with music or having a relaxing bath (or shower?), it's so easy for "quiet" time to slide by, right?
And the children.........do you think it would help if you could get to know some other parents at your daughters school?? I'm thinking it might help to share some of the difficulties you may be having with some of them, and vica versa, so as you aren't so "isolated"........some might just be able to offer understanding (if they're "where you're at" with their children), others might have found different ways around problem areas???
But you know I've been saying try to find time for yourself wherever you can and that is important (very important!!), but it might help if you can try for a little more time with your husband as well e.g. when the children go to bed???
Whether that time is spent sharing the stresses you're under, finding comfort/support or whether it's just focusing on being together as husband and wife instead of as parents.
I know you're probably even more tired when the children have gone to bed, but maybe it would help a little occasionally????

And this bit......."I suppose it helps a tad bit to at least come here and vent some. I'm normally the one supporting all others, but right now I feel I need support"
Come here as often as you want/need to, hey??!!
And remember you shouldn't always be the one supporting others, they should have some responsibility to support you as well!!



Alison

I could write a lot more about the situation, but to be honest I'm feeling too exhausted to explain and tell it all. Our family situation is different in many ways and no matter how many words I use they can't ever describe the true reality happening here at home.
Frankbtl, your words show knowledge and they breathe a lot of empathy. Thank you, hun! Reading your replies brought tears to my eyes.

My T has understood how difficult it is to change the situation and she's now using mindfulness and guided imagery to help me "land" and begin to dare feel. I'm so scared I'll fall apart and not be able stand up again.

The alone time just for me, is late at night when the others are in bed. I know... not the best thing... but I need it.

[Frankbtl]

Hi SadAndEmpty, hey you just tell us just as much, or as little, as you feel comfortable with, want or need to, we're still going to be here for you
And if you're not up to talking about things (or not talking much) e.g. if you're tired/if you're lacking energy or motivation, then that's absolutely fine too. We/I completely understand.........all in your own time

The work with your T though, she should allow you some control in where it's going/how far you go..........and if things are starting to feel difficult for you she should sense that and slow down the pace. But just as much if things are getting hard for you just don't hesitate in saying that. There should be no "clock ticking" as to how soon you move onto........how far you go with........
So she should be moving fairly slowly with it all. It might even help you feel more in control if she lets you know what she/you're going to be trying before the sessions, that way you're going to know what's coming and feel better able to go with it or to recognize when things might be going too far for you for the time being.
And maybe make sure with her that you have some "coping skills/techniques" to use for if things get hard e.g. if you begin feeling x you'll do............, or if you begin feeling y you'll do..........

And the alone time late at night............I know, not ideal with the tiredness already there, and lack of sleep which can just make depression even worse...........but if that's the only/best time you can get and you obviously need that, well priorities, hey??

Alison

Thank you, Frankbtl! I'm seeing my T tomorrow and will talk further with her about how to approach it all.
((((((( Frankbtl )))))))

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Is this a case of where depression is the 'curse of the strong'? I see so many women who are very strong at working at their marriages, children, households and full-time work. I wonder they can do it all. I would find it undoable, and I see many friends and colleagues who find it so, suffering appalling anxiety and depression: Depression ? the illness that's still taboo | Society | The Guardian

Yes, it comes to a point when "the strength" pushes you over the edge.
Thank you for sharing the article with me!

[DogTired]

Oh my, this sounds a LOT like my life. "I probably sound like a whining pathetic woman." - NOPE, not to me!!! You sound like exactly how I feel most days. I also have two special needs kids (3 kids total) and while my husband doesn't have problems with alcohol he is hypercritical and generally ticked with me for reasons that run the gamut, which makes me feel that much worse. I've discovered that as someone suffering from a long, severe depression, he is NOT able to support me emotionally and I've found other moms who are currently filling that role to a large degree. They've been life savers, quite literally. I hope you find a way to carve out some time to have lunch with a friend occasionally, or chat with friends while the kids are gone or asleep, or find a mom's group where the main objective is to blow off steam and laugh. That human connection - whether in person or online (here!) - is so vital. Sounds like you have so much weight on your shoulders and finding some way to get emotional relief might help. And I hope that soon you find that feeling of peace you need and are so deserving of. I'm really glad you posted here and if you ever want to talk to another mom who knows all about social stories and kids with special needs, feel free to message me.

Originally Posted by DogTired

Oh my, this sounds a LOT like my life. "I probably sound like a whining pathetic woman." - NOPE, not to me!!! You sound like exactly how I feel most days. I also have two special needs kids (3 kids total) and while my husband doesn't have problems with alcohol he is hypercritical and generally ticked with me for reasons that run the gamut, which makes me feel that much worse. I've discovered that as someone suffering from a long, severe depression, he is NOT able to support me emotionally and I've found other moms who are currently filling that role to a large degree. They've been life savers, quite literally. I hope you find a way to carve out some time to have lunch with a friend occasionally, or chat with friends while the kids are gone or asleep, or find a mom's group where the main objective is to blow off steam and laugh. That human connection - whether in person or online (here!) - is so vital. Sounds like you have so much weight on your shoulders and finding some way to get emotional relief might help. And I hope that soon you find that feeling of peace you need and are so deserving of. I'm really glad you posted here and if you ever want to talk to another mom who knows all about social stories and kids with special needs, feel free to message me.

DogTired, thank you so so much for your reply! Yes, I would very much like to talk to you. I'm pretty isolated and could need an other mother - who knows what it's like - as a friend. Togetherness through rough times creates strength. Here ready to listen to you as well.

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Originally Posted by SadNEmpty

Yes, it comes to a point when "the strength" pushes you over the edge.
Thank you for sharing the article with me!

Well put, and you are welcome.