plenty of people in chat, but need to talk here if you know what i mean. been on a high again today. now i feel like crap. feel like ihave a huge knot in my stomach- anxiety - feel crap about myself, crap about the world and crap crap crap.

maybe i should get tested for scitzophrenia can't spell either.

i'm sure people must get sick of me and my moods in here. feel like hibernating. maybe i should join fuzzy. don't think i'd be much company though. everyone in here is so lovely. i just feel really lonely, even though there are people here.
i have been given sleeping tablets, but i'm only allowed 1 every other day or three nights then off. i can't sleep without them but don't want to get addicted. i need more affection than i am getting at home. hubby loves me, but not enough, he finds it hard to hug and tell me he loves me. i know he does, but i need to feel that sometimes. wish i could just go to sleep for a month or something. maybe i'm just seeking attention. is that so bad?(i need proper love,)sorry, i've always craved love - never enough. just need to be understood. i want to scream right now - scream until i have no voice left. this knot just sits there, making me feel sick i hate this feeling.

jin

i lost sight of my rainbow

[(JD)]

It's tough to need attention...and we all need attention at times...but it's tougher to know you deserve some attention and aren't getting it.

Have you been tested for bipolar disorder? Sorry, if you've already shared about that somewhere... but you're posting about depression after coming down from a high... sure sounds like it to me. ((((hugs)))

What kind of meds have they given you that you can't take all the time? I think Rozerem isn't addicting.

Can you figure out what the knot is from? Anxiety over what?

thankyou for replying sky. i'm waiting to be diagnosed properly. i was referred to emergency mental health team on friday, still haven't heard yet. i'm on prozac and zopiclone to sleep, but daren't takeone tonight asi hadone last night. just anxious about evrything at moment. have good family and friends, but so lonely- can't explain.

thankyou, just for replying to me itmeans so much

jin xx

[sabby]

(((((jinny sweety)))))

I have to agree with _Sky's post about possible bipolar disorder....sounds like you are rapid cycling through the highs and lows. My grandson suffers from bipolar and is a rapid cycler. It's a difficult thing to deal with.

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way jinny....I hope things smooth out for you soon.

Hugssssss
Jean

[snowflake_48888]

(((((((JINNY))))))))).....I know what that knot feels like in the stomach. I hate that feeling also when I get it from time to time. I just want to throw up when I am feeling that way to rid me of that knot.

I never get sick of talking with you....just wish I could help you more.....darn distance.

I also know what it feels like to be lonely even though I have supportive family and friends. I think for me the loneliness I feel is from not liking myself. How can I feel loved if I don't love myself? I am working on that and trying to change my image of myself in my mind.

I am glad that you will be seeing a Pdoc sooner than being put on that darn waiting list of 2 years. Once you get there I am sure they will find the right dx and meds to help you....just hang in there girl...and you always have us here.....
Snow

[Soidhonia]

Hello Jinny.
I am sorry you are not feeling well at this time. Are there any support groups in your area? Support groups are very good when people need some extra comfort, and support. I hope you feel better soon. Take care Soidhonia

[Pomegranate]

Jinny and Snowflake,

I very much have felt the same way - bottomless loneliness and like I was never loved enough. I hope this doesn't sound weird but many years ago when I was feeling this way and trying to find my way out of the blackness and total misery I was in, I happened to wrap my arms around myself and give myself a big hug. I was not even aware of what I was doing at first. It was a time when I was coming to the realization that although in HER way, my mother loved me as best she could, for ME I had never felt any real love or acceptance from my mother. (That has never changed.)

That evening as I lay in bed very, very, very depressed, feeling like I had this large black hole inside me, I think now, was one of many small steps on my way back to better mental health. As I realized I was hugging myself and it felt good, it also occured to me that I could do my best to love and "mother" myself now as an adult. My own mother would never be capable of it, and I could not expect to have anyone else love me that way.

I had many bad relationships with men, and two failed marriages. As I look back now I see that it was because I was trying to get from those relationships that which I never got as a chid, love and acceptance. I had to fill that black hole up inside me, with my love and acceptance of me. No one else could do that. But now over 20 years later I am in a very happy marriage to a NICE man. And somewhere along the line, and along with lots of therapy, with medication, with self help books, with group support meetings, etc. etc That black hole is gone.

I still have bouts of depression and bad times. My life is not perfect at all. But not having those awful feelings of loneliness and emptiness has been worth the looooooong painful slog. And worth my continuing journey with dealing with chronic major depression, along with other health problems.

Like I read in many other's comments here, this too shall pass. One thing I can count on is change. Change of my feelings especially. So hang in there and be good to yourself. Don't get down on yourself because of how you feel. It's okay. Even if everyone around you makes you feel like a burden. You are doing and feeling what you have to to get better. You, like the rest of us here, will probabley always have ups and downs (more if you are in fact bipolar ) but at least you know you will feel better again, time and time again. I hope the up comes back for you soon. (((Jinny)))

[gblued]

I know what you mean. My husband gets frustrated with my depression. He can´t understand why I don´t just STOP being sad.

If you can find other people in your area who feel teh same way, maybe you can get a bit of attention that is lacking.

snowy you hit the nail on the head there. i am lonely because i don't like myself. never have. but i spoke to tymberwolv today and he gave me back some selfworth, then i came on here and am overwhelmed by all the words of support, you'll never never know how much that means to me. i just want you to know that you have all made me feel better. i need to learn to lovemyself (somehow) before i can be liked properly by others.

you took time to reply and write these words to me and it's touched my heart.

thankyou so so much everyone xxxx

what would i do without you. xxxxxxxx

[Talulah]

((((((((Jinny))))))))

I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner!

Lonliness is such an ugly beast. I hate it and I'm so sorry!!

Take care of you

tallulah

thankyou, you are here, that's all that matters to me. and i love my friends in here, your reply comforts me.

thankyou, speak soon

((((((hugs)))))))

[samm]

dear jinnyann
please take care of yourself.try to rest and eat carbs. they will help you feel better.there is a rainbow for you,with love and support here. stay in a positive frame of mind.you are lucky to have an understanding hubby.a good cup of tea and a boring book, stay well samm