[lonewolf59]

Warning: this will likely be a long rant about my sad, miserable, lonely life. I'm sick of people telling me lies to my face every day of my life, I'm sick of being an emotional wreck every day. I'm sick of my parents and therapist telling me I'm worth it when I'm not, I'm sick of waiting year after year for something good to happen to me. I'm sick of being lonely, bitter, jealous, sad, angry, tired, irritable, and rejected. The facts don't lie, I'm not worth it.

I'm sick of doing things every day that don't help me or make me feel better or have peace of mind. "You are worth it, you are lovable and can meet someone you like." Just shut up, please, I've heard enough of your bulls*** lies. Also, stop throwing seventy different pills in my face that are obviously doing nothing, stop telling me to exercise, get better sleep, I've done it for three weeks straight and I still feel awful and depressed. Stop telling me if I try things can work out, because that's nonsense. If the world was like that, it would be fair but it isn't. Stop telling me I'll be fine. I'm just genetic garbage so stop trying to cheer me up or talk me out of it. I'm ugly, untalented, stupid, worthless, unlovable, undesirable, and have no overall worth. And please please stop lying about personality, please. Looks are 90% of finding dates or relationships, I don't care how good your personality is, if your grotesque looking, no one will want to be with you and you will never find someone you really want to be with, period. So with that, I guess I'll just give up on life and wait for my promised day.

[Alone & confused]

Wow! Are you my conscience? Because much of what you said is the same things I rehearse over & over again about myself! But you know, people aren't the only ones who "lie" to us. Sometimes we lie to ourselves by believing the very worst of ourselves, and never even recognize those lies to be anything but the truth! All things negative will deceive us into believing that all is lost & helpless. Sometimes it helps me to look at depression, & sadness, & heartache & despair, and say YOU are the lie! I DON'T have to accept you! I CAN overcome this! I get MAD at whatever is holding me back & wage war against it! And I fight hard to create my own Truth. I hope you will do the same!

[Rohag]

Hello, Lonewolf59. Your list of concerns on your profile page is akin (not identical) to my own.

At some point along the way, I lost the ability to care whether or not "I'm worth it." I just keep living, not hopelessly but - as I like to say - without reference to hope. "Hope" in the abstract is simply not useful for my day-to-day life.

About exercise and sleep: When depression was in the process of taking over my life, I ratcheted up my exercise regimens (plural) over the course of several years. My good-to-excellent level of fitness of those times may have slowed depression's advance, but it did not reverse or even stop it.

As for sleep, the docs discovered I have circadian rhythm issues, and a sleep study showed I have a relative lack of deep-stage sleep. It's possible to sleep more without sleeping better, and that's not something one can control with positive affirmations.

By the way, your "rant" was rather concise, not long at all. Please continue if you wish, especially if it helps you.

[Idiot17]

((((Lonewolf))))

[cryingontheinside]

It sounds like your very mean to your self. I beat my self up too but you beat me on that one. I wont lie to you and say things are gonna get better, but things can always change. Apparently we have to change our thinking pattern but that seems impossible for me also. I quite often feel things wont get better to. All i can say is i hope things will get better for you. Going to the gym really does release endorthins which make people feel happier but it takes a longer time than a week to notice. I dont think over loading you with medication is not doing you good either.
Hugs

[lonewolf59]

I don't get why this has to happen to me though, I'm 18 years old and I already want to give up on life, just graduated high school, going to college soon, and it'll be just like high school, spent in isolation and loneliness. Watching everybody have friends and girlfriends, and I'll be alone and miserable. I'm just so sick of being alone.

[Fuzzybear]