[Daycia]

So today is the first time in a long time that I feel pretty confident about myself.
I tried in about 4 shirts 3 pairs of jeans and a pair of shorts. Tried some heels as well. I decided on a blue shirt and shorts since tx is hot and muggy. I straightened my hair and put a little makeup on. I feel good...I want to actually go out.
The problem ... It's 11:40am on Sunday and I pretty much only have 2 friends who can't do anything. I'm way to anxious to go alone and will for sure have a panic attack. So now here I am just going over to my mothers in a slump yet again. Why can't I just be normal and go do something without this anxiety on my own!?! Lol. Any suggestions as to this feeling and anyone ever have these situations?
Thanks.

Daycia

[Idiot17]

No solutions....i know the feeling though....
Good luck.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Daycia, regardless of what you do or don't do today then I'd say that you still should be marking this morning up as an achievement. You've felt confident, you've felt like going out and that sounds like a big thing for you, so don't go dismissing it, hey??!!
And even if you're going over to your mothers well today you've gone over after having really chosen what you want to wear, straightened your hair.............now I'm taking it that doesn't always happen..........so today is still different!!
And "bank that", that's still good!!!
Your friends........well another day, hey??
But the anxiety.........are you getting help/support from anyone e.g. friends or T with it.........experimenting with relaxation exercises........pushing your "boundaries" a little........??
And the........."Why can't I just be normal............", well "normal" can be so subjective a term.........I'd say that you were normal (if there is such a thing!!) it's just that you're struggling with some issues/problems right now??
It might help you to check out the forum for Anxiety, Panic, Phobia's on here.
But while you're here.......if you want to talk a bit more...............???
Alison

[Daycia]

Alison,
Thank you for your comment. I do agree it was an up for me! I have two appointments this week for my first time and I'm pretty anxious. Another member on here gave me some self improvement type books to try. I've felt better and kept doing research. Funniest thing I was outside sweating stepped in paint on the deck with my nice sandals...went to wash them off in the hose and the water rushed out randomly and quickly completely soaking my shirt half way down and shorts. For a millisecond I was upset then just began laughing. I'm holding onto this as a positive thing and keeping a smile on my face.
As far as my anxiety it gets pretty bad going new places, new people, alone, feeling judged stared at, all the noise and every little thing becoming noticeable and I just can't handle it and have to leave. I'm working on pushing the boundaries and it slowly has worked and other days complete disaster. These are things along with my depression and relationship issues I will be addressing with my T once I get in and comfortable talking.

Daycia

[Frankbtl]

Hi Daycia, thanks for replying

I have two appointments this week for my first time and I'm pretty anxious. Another member on here gave me some self improvement type books to try. I've felt better and kept doing research.

The appointments...........well they're "just" going to act as a starting point, a bit of a basis for moving on and exploring issues, experimenting with things that might help so just try to be yourself, if you can try to do that any expectations should be on them not on you. And given some time and the more they/you can learn hopefully the easier things will become for you. But big step in getting those appointments, really pleased for you.
And the research........that's a really good idea too, that way you're probably going to feel a little more in control yourself and you'll be able to explore more what works for you.

Funniest thing I was outside sweating stepped in paint on the deck with my nice sandals...went to wash them off in the hose and the water rushed out randomly and quickly completely soaking my shirt half way down and shorts. For a millisecond I was upset then just began laughing. I'm holding onto this as a positive thing and keeping a smile on my face.

And......a double positive there!!!
You managed to go to all that effort and.........really good you could laugh about it!! And absolutely keep that smile!!

As far as my anxiety it gets pretty bad going new places, new people, alone, feeling judged stared at, all the noise and every little thing becoming noticeable and I just can't handle it and have to leave. I'm working on pushing the boundaries and it slowly has worked and other days complete disaster. These are things along with my depression and relationship issues I will be addressing with my T once I get in and comfortable talking.

It is good that you're trying to push those boundaries.........and just try to do it all at your own pace. Doesn't matter how little you may be able to push them at times, every little bit counts.........and there may be periods where you just can't do anymore, there may be days where the anxiety completely takes over and you're not able to do some of the things you generally can. But try not to let those pull you down........bit by bit.......and don't lose sight of those achievements, hey??!!
It can take time, and good you're planning on talking to your T, can help on the journey



Alison

[Daycia]

Thank you Alison. It is a struggle. A struggle I've been afraid of and denying for a long time. I do have a question ....how do you get someone or multiples that you care about to understand, help, and/or be patient with you? I believe at times it gets worse because I can't express in a way others can understand. Thanks for your help. So far yours has been really the best.

Daycia

[Frankbtl]

Hi Daycia, it can be hard putting things like that into words that truly express just how bad things really are for you...........and if people haven't really felt it, it can be hard for them to understand. It might help some of them (and you in your appointments!!) if you reflect and write down exactly how you feel and some of the thoughts that go through your head when you're trying to push your limits and when you're having a panic attack.
And include in that the physical symptoms e.g. finding it hard to breath, feeling light headed/faint/like you're about to collapse; how it feels physically e.g. like having a massive weight on your chest (?), feeling physically sick and the thoughts..........
Or it might help if someone is there with you when you're doing something you have real problems with, and you can talk them though, step by step, as you're going along how it's making you feel.......then they might get a better idea of how it really is "close up"??
Then maybe there's some youtube clips that resonate with you that you can show them??
And ask them for some specific help/to work with you on improving things......that way they have some responsibility in it all too and they know that it is something you're trying to manage.
You could also show them some of the research you've done or for some of them.......even get them to help you do some of the research.......it might "open their eyes a little" when they're looking a bit more into it themselves.
Some people might always find it difficult to understand though........so try to make sure you're talking to and getting support from the one's who do, hey??
Alison

[Daycia]

Writing down or texting is the absolute and only way I've found that I can express my feelings and thoughts clearly! It may be because I do not like confrontation, talking my emotions out scares me and I ramble or get confusing to others (even myself at times)! I will definitely begin to carry a pad of paper with me to write down things. Sometimes I even use my phones notepad. I'm going to check the YouTube clips as well as try putting on some meditating type of music. Usually it calms me but my thoughts continue racing I've noticed. At least the physical feelings go away. Thank you so much for your reply. I hope you're having a good Monday.

Daycia