[ylenol_planet]

Does anyone of you share the same situation? All of my friends see my as the loud, cheerful and really fun to be with kind of gal. I do laugh a lot and I laugh at simple, silliest things.

I have never opened up to anyone about my inner struggles. Well, I had tried but all i got was the same "I know you. You're a very strong person." "You'll get through it..." "it's just a phase.." All of these blah blah blah didnt help. So i stopped and just kept it all to myself and continue being the "jolly me".

I had more than a few glasses of drinks again last night with my friends. We laughed and made fun of life. I went to bed happy. But when I woke up this morning, the familiar dark feeling came back.

Many of us put a mask of some kind to hide what we are feeling from our friends and family. We do it out of a combination of different reasons. I can go out in public with friends and make my self look like the life of the party and be happy. However when I get home I am completely wrecked and right back to where I am always at.

[ylenol_planet]

Originally Posted by blwi3310

Many of us put a mask of some kind to hide what we are feeling from our friends and family. We do it out of a combination of different reasons. I can go out in public with friends and make my self look like the life of the party and be happy. However when I get home I am completely wrecked and right back to where I am always at.

That's exactly what I feel. And I easily change my mood. Like I can be very happy and talkative and in just a snap I feel annoyed and irritated by even the simplest things. And it annoys me even more when people start asking if am okay and when they start caring.

[ylenol_planet]

so I just got home and I have this urge to inflict pain on myself again. Been doing it but stopped a almost a year now. I just feel so confused, trapped right now. Like all positive things are sucked out of me. I feel like I need to drink again. When I drink i feel better, happy and I dont think about suicide or hurting myself.

I have so many things in my life to be thankful for, but I get this voice in my head telling me there's nothing more to life. You graduate from high school and go to college and then get a job, settle down with some, give birth, become a grandparent, you get sick..then die.

I get angry for no reason. I get irritated easily. I think I'm really messed up. As of now, I still can control these feelings but I know that sooner or later I wont be able to hold it down and I'd erupt.

[IrisBloom]

Alcohol is a depressant. I have always liked drinking as it does lift me out of my mood. However, as I've aged (I'm 56) and my illness progressed, the after effects of drinking got worse and worse. 20 years ago I could get pretty drunk and sleep late the next day and be fine in a few hours. Now if I drink like that I am severely depressed for 2-3 days. I didn't believe alcohol was a depressant when I was younger, but I know now that it is. If you want to stop and can't there is treatment available. You owe it to yourself to take care of you!

[Hellion]

Used to self medicate with alcohol a lot, because under the effects I would feel better...be more talkative/energetic and yeah. I preferred to drink till I was puking rather than talk to people about how I felt. However in the long run did not find it all that useful....not to mention things like hang-overs do not help mental issues and it became pretty redundant to me. I mean 'woo hoo, I'm going to impair my frontal lobe for a while' just got old.

I still do drink but not nearly as much and only for like social occassions where there will be drinking or if I am in the right mood...there are still some rare times I just feel like crap and want anything to make it go away in which case I might drink for that...but try to avoid it. Eventually my drug of choice became cannabis and well can't say I have had any bad experiences with it, while with drinking I've over-done it, gotten bad hang overs probably lucky I never got any real internal problems from drinking since I was doing it quite excessively for at least a couple years.

[wushuduck]

I drink more or less every night to help take the edge off and to feel better. It helps more than the medications do in my opinion.

[Hanban757]

I agree with the idea that we all put on a mask. I put on a mask as well. When I am out in society I wear the mask that shows that everything is ok and that I am a strong and happy person. I am sure that I have many people fooled that I have all the answers to coping with my pain. But what they don't know is what I am like behind closed doors. When I am alone, I take off that mask and I properly deal with my pain and struggles. I feel that I am able to deal with my troubles better in private than I am in public. Honestly, I don't want to be judged.

[Gibson5150]

Originally Posted by ylenol_planet

Does anyone of you share the same situation? All of my friends see my as the loud, cheerful and really fun to be with kind of gal. I do laugh a lot and I laugh at simple, silliest things.

I have never opened up to anyone about my inner struggles. Well, I had tried but all i got was the same "I know you. You're a very strong person." "You'll get through it..." "it's just a phase.." All of these blah blah blah didnt help. So i stopped and just kept it all to myself and continue being the "jolly me".

I had more than a few glasses of drinks again last night with my friends. We laughed and made fun of life. I went to bed happy. But when I woke up this morning, the familiar dark feeling came back.

I was just working in a very hostile environment & started drinking to forget work and be happy but the depression made it worse. I got to where if i went more then a day without drinking i would start to feel bad and shake. My wife was not happy because i was coming home more & more smashed every time. So she talked me into quitting the job. I was still able to get unemployment because of the hostile environment & she will tell you i am more my self since i left that place. There is one thing about being happy when you drink but when you drink depressed it's never a good out come.