[Nolafeline]

My name is Nolafeline. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety. I have been like this almost all of my life. The last time I felt somewhat lively was November 2013.
Up until January 2014, I was taking SSRIs. You name the SSRI, I probably took it. Because I stopped responding to the SSRIs, I was switched to a MAOI, Parnate. I am taking Parnate, small dose of Ritalin and in the evening Lithium.
I still feel I am in extreme pain. I hurt everyday. I want to cry, but the tears won't come. I can actually feel my heart and soul ache.
I do everything my counselor suggests. Exercise, go outside everyday, etc. It takes everything I have but I do it. And I still am in a lot of pain.
If I had it my way I would lay on the couch all day long and do nothing.
Why can't I just feel well and be somewhat normal. I want to be able to smile again. I feel so broken.
Is there anyone feeling the same way right now? Please let me know I am not alone.

Nolafeline

You definitely are not alone, Nolafeline. My depression is very bad and has been since early August. Each day is a major struggle just to get by. Wishing you better days ahead.

[waterknob1234]

Hi Nolafeline. You are not alone. I am like you if I could sit on the couch all day and do nothing I would. I understand the pain. I have been battling depression since July 2013. Its no fun. By the way, good to meet another southeastern US person on here. Welcome. I wish I knew something good to tell you but we will give you lots of love and support here. You can always post and talk to us.

[Bigmike727]

Hi nolafeline, I think many of us here have experienced what you have described. I've struggled with depression since early adolescence, and many times I have just felt like ending it all. To be honest, I have no idea what makes me push myself through the day. Maybe routine, I have comorbid OCD. Idk maybe the hope that one day it will get better. Anyways, I am relatively new here myself, but can say that the community is very supportive and willing to help. Wishing you the best.

[perseverance11]

Originally Posted by Nolafeline

My name is Nolafeline. I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety. I have been like this almost all of my life. The last time I felt somewhat lively was November 2013.
Up until January 2014, I was taking SSRIs. You name the SSRI, I probably took it. Because I stopped responding to the SSRIs, I was switched to a MAOI, Parnate. I am taking Parnate, small dose of Ritalin and in the evening Lithium.
I still feel I am in extreme pain. I hurt everyday. I want to cry, but the tears won't come. I can actually feel my heart and soul ache.
I do everything my counselor suggests. Exercise, go outside everyday, etc. It takes everything I have but I do it. And I still am in a lot of pain.
If I had it my way I would lay on the couch all day long and do nothing.
Why can't I just feel well and be somewhat normal. I want to be able to smile again. I feel so broken.
Is there anyone feeling the same way right now? Please let me know I am not alone.

Nolafeline

You are not alone.
Depression is affecting a lot of people here I think.

I know what it is.

I hope you will get better with a good medication.

[Altered Moment]

Welcome to PC. No you are not alone. I have been where you are at many times. When I am in a really severe depression none of those little behavioural things like going for a walk in the sun help me. Therapist have all their little suggestions on get up a 7am eat a good breakfast, take a shower, go for a walk, etc, etc. Don't work for me. Can even make it worse because when i can't do what they asked me to put on a list I just feel ashamed. If I am in moderate or mild or coming out of one those things do help but not with real severe.

Hope the meds work. I have had similar problems with all the meds but the ones I am currently taking I have never taken before and are working quite well. See below.

[UndeadMage]

Originally Posted by zinco14532323

When I am in a really severe depression none of those little behavioural things like going for a walk in the sun help me. Therapist have all their little suggestions on get up a 7am eat a good breakfast, take a shower, go for a walk, etc, etc. Don't work for me. Can even make it worse because when i can't do what they asked me to put on a list I just feel ashamed. If I am in moderate or mild or coming out of one those things do help but not with real severe.

You sound like me Zinco. I was trying walking around two weeks ago, but it rarely helped. I kept looking at the sun and wanting to give it the finger.

[Idiot17]

As all the above said, you are not alone. When in a depressed state nothing possibly done can lift the depression.

[Altered Moment]

Originally Posted by UndeadMage

You sound like me Zinco. I was trying walking around two weeks ago, but it rarely helped. I kept looking at the sun and wanting to give it the finger.

I hide from that damn sun. In the spring each year the heat and sun triggers one for me and I want nothing to do with spring fever and all of that.

[Wysteria]

Hi Nolafeline.....
Yep, I totally feel your pain and deal with it weekly, daily and often hourly or even minute to minute.

I know I'm trying very hard, but like others have said, not being able to do basic hygiene or leave the house or be what I used to be just creates more shame spirals. Try to make a real 'toolbox' or list of things to try when you get that low...it is easy to forget when you are in that space...reward yourself with guilt free me time or a hot bath or something that you enjoy when you have tried and succeeded against the depression....and get some of it out through journals, sketches, therapy, exercise, whatever works. The more you hold inside, the more confusing and overlapping it gets.

I think it is very clear from every post here that you are deinitely not alone and we feel your pain...hope you keep posting..be kind to yourself.

-WB

[TheOriginalMe]

Hello Nolafeline, add me to the list of people who know how you're feeling. 2 weeks ago I smiled for the first time in weeks, I thought "Hello, progress at last". The next day I became truly absorbed in an interest and I really thought the tide had changed. However, I've hurtled back down that slippery slope the last fortnight and I had to reduce my meds as the side effects were getting overwhelming.

PC is one of the few good things in my life, as there are others who are barely clinging on too. Somehow we manage to get by.

[icinggurl]

You are definitely NOT alone! I hope just knowing that thousands of us deal with the same thing can give you some comfort