[DogTired]

Do you ever feel like all of the things in your head - all of the self-doubt, the questioning yourself, all of the things you're afraid people will find out about you - all of the pain - do you ever feel like the difficulty of it outweighs the amount of need that others have for you? Other people seem to find or create self-fulfillment to varying degrees; they even seem to find some sort of meaning in me, and yet that doesn't bring self-fulfillment to me. I appreciate it, but I don't feel fulfilled by it. It feels as though I'm merely living for others, not for myself. How do I live for myself too?

[Hellion]

I actually feel kind of similar, not sure the answer to your question but will probably watch the thread and see if anyone else has any ideas.

[lozza89]

I am the same... constantly living for others and my cat and not for the person I should be - myself Your are not alone

[Fuzzybear]

[DogTired]

Apparently no one else has any ideas. I'm truly lost and ready to give up. Thinking about how my kids would do without me. Are they better off with a mom who can't be happy or a mom who simply isn't there? My mom was a MESS, so I'm on the fence about this. I don't want to spend 30 years in a slow tailspin like she did and I feel like that's exactly where I'm headed. I'm living for my kids. Period. And I'm feeling more and more like that's not good enough.

[Alone & confused]

You mean feeling like you've outlived your usefulness? You've done all you can for everyone & now you're done? If so, then yeah, I feel like that all the time. I think maybe there does come a time when that's true. I HAVE raised my kids, helped my friends, & as many people as I can. But what I RARELY think about, is that just because I'm "done" with that part of my life, it doesn't mean my life is over. Maybe it just means that it is now time to live for ourselves, find our own interests. And maybe it seems "over" because we've grown used to doing for others without really giving any thought for ourselves and what we want to do. Sometimes, we lose sight of the dreams we had for our lives, but that's when we need to find another dream! Some people have accomplished all they set out to do and think, "what's left?" Change direction! If there is no one left in your care, learn to care for yourself. You've earned it! Make yourself a priority for a change! I'm not sure if this helps at all, but this is what I'm trying to do to keep going.

[DogTired]

There are people left in my care. Three kids, two of whom are on the autism spectrum and need lots of my time and energy. I love them like I've never loved anyone or anything, but I am full of despair. I can't even set a daily goal and get anything accomplished a good deal of the time because I can't function. I've forgotten what personal goals are. I can't think straight and I'm exhausted and my body hurts all the time and I have a husband who has emotionally abandoned me. Not that I blame him entirely - I'm not much fun to be married to right now. I'm just hating on myself and life in general, unable to function and not seeing any changes in store...ever. It's a hopeless feeling. I should be happy but somewhere along the line I lost the ability to feel joy or self-fulfillment. I'm not sure that having them watch me systematically fail is what I want for them.

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by DogTired

There are people left in my care. Three kids, two of whom are on the autism spectrum and need lots of my time and energy. I love them like I've never loved anyone or anything, but I am full of despair. I can't even set a daily goal and get anything accomplished a good deal of the time because I can't function. I've forgotten what personal goals are. I can't think straight and I'm exhausted and my body hurts all the time and I have a husband who has emotionally abandoned me. Not that I blame him entirely - I'm not much fun to be married to right now. I'm just hating on myself and life in general, unable to function and not seeing any changes in store...ever. It's a hopeless feeling. I should be happy but somewhere along the line I lost the ability to feel joy or self-fulfillment. I'm not sure that having them watch me systematically fail is what I want for them.

Now you're really hitting home with me! I have two left out of 5 to finish raising, both have ad/hd & one also has asie. Yes, it does take a toll on you! I'm a single mom. I go through the whole range of feelings you've listed. The closest thing to fulfillment I have these days is coming here to PC & trying to help & uplift someone else. I can't explain why, but those rare occasions when someone leaves me a message and lets me know that something I said made them feel better about themselves is the best feeling in the world to me! And when I first came here I was a miserable wreck, hoping someone here could "fix ME!" And they have, in more ways than I can count! Some by reaching out to me, others by allowing me to reach out to them. What I'm saying is, you never know where you may find your renewed hope, your new beginning, a new dream! Most likely it will be somewhere you would never expected to find it! But it's there somewhere, so just try to hold on until you find it!

[DogTired]

Thank you, Alone&confused! Your comments did help. It helps to feel supported and not judged, especially from someone who can identify with my feelings. I still feel screwed up and unhappy but definitely not so alone. It really, REALLY helps to read about how other people are working through things. Thanks!

[Alone & confused]

Originally Posted by DogTired

Thank you, Alone&confused! Your comments did help. It helps to feel supported and not judged, especially from someone who can identify with my feelings. I still feel screwed up and unhappy but definitely not so alone. It really, REALLY helps to read about how other people are working through things. Thanks!

You're welcome! And thank you!