[einsamer_schatten]

I feel so lost and pathetic tonight. Everything I've been pushing for is crashing down around me all over again. I know there is no success or victory if i dont try, but I've been trying for so long. So very long. Doing it alone. Always alone. I try to talk to people and nobody helps. They don't know the words or they don't have the time or I feel shame for putting my problems on them. They have their own lives, who am I to give my problems?. So much has happened to me and so much is still going on, it's got to the point where I pray I don't wake up in the morning. That it's finally my time and I won't need to bare the guilt or shame in my own departing. My family dismiss my worries and depression telling me to stop acting weird. I've tried changing my life, and I've succeeded. New job, hobbies, lifestyle. But it's not helping unless I am constantly distracted. But if i am distracted, then i merely means I am hiding from my problems. They're still going to be there, and hiding from them will only make it worse. Yet right now I my distractions have left me, and all I have for company now is my own self pity... and it makes me hate myself so much more!

I feel so pathetic all the time. Only 23 years old, and I don't want to live a day longer. I feel so ashamed. i only keep going because i could never cause my family the pain they would feel in losing me. I dont want to go on... and i dont know who to talk to... Help?

[bluekoi]

einsamer_schatten, Welcome to PsychCentral! You should not feel shame or guilt because we all need help. I would suggest a consultation with your doctor. Depression is very real and needs to be treated. If left untreated it is an endless spiral down a deep dark well with no bottom.

[Idiot17]

[Beth~]

Dear Einsamer-Schatten,
I hope the light will shine on you soon and you won't feel alone. Your family members don't understand what it's like to feel depressed--perhaps. My humble advice is to feel good about your accomplishments--whatever they may be-- your new job, hobbies, lifestyle... It is hard to change and find new goals.... I hope you will be easier on yourself and that tomorrow will be a better day. May God bless you..... one more thing, sometimes, the greatest blessing is to be able to listen and support another person... whoever you share your troubles with... try not to feel guilty when you share your troubles. Some people really do care sooo much, they might not know how to support you. Honestly, I was feeling sooo low today.... I don't know if anything I say here helps, but I wanted to reach out and try to encourage you. I tell myself how I wish I could be 23 years old again. I just turned 50! My life has been far from a bed of roses, and I've made many mistakes, but I encourage you to keep on going for yourself, for little things that might bring you a little happiness, satisfaction... and may those little things grow into bigger things. Again, wishing you blessings & light...

[Purplesept2007]

Welcome to PC everything above is so well said. I would add that here at PC we do really care so keep talking to us. Also I do not know if you are on any medication and/or have a therapist but if not you may want to look into getting an evaluation so you can go from there. Take care...

[Fuzzybear]

[lilypup]

You're doing a lot of good things for yourself and should congratulate yourself. The only way out of depression for me was meds. Take it one day at a time. Trying journaling a bit. Just jot down anything in your mind. I am so glad you realize the answer is to get better. Never give up hope.

[Frankbtl]

Hi einsamer schatten, I'm sorry things aren't going well for you but welcome to PC!!!
And, yes, you can talk to us, I see you've already got some great advise/support above
I know it must be really hard on you to try to talk to people and then find them to be unsupportive but you're right in saying that maybe some of them don't know what to say........in that case though could you give them a bit of an idea of what you want from them e.g. I just want you to listen, I just want you to try and understand how I'm feeling........???
And for the people you don't want to "put your problems on" well maybe some of them would actually appreciate the opportunity to be there for you???
But everyone is going to need help/support at some time or other so please don't feel guilty for asking for that.
And kudos to you for having taken the steps you have, in trying to turn things around for yourself. It might not feel like they count right now, but they are real achievements/they are really important. It's just that you need a little more in helping you appreciate them maybe??? e.g. a little more self esteem......a little more help with your problems........a little more help with the way you're feeling????
And maybe some places you could start with would be in talking to your doctor or a T if you have one??? But if you want to talk more here too that would be good........it sounds like you have a lot going on for you..........and you don't have to do it alone
Alison

[Momentofclarity]

Originally Posted by einsamer_schatten

I feel so lost and pathetic tonight. Everything I've been pushing for is crashing down around me all over again. I know there is no success or victory if i dont try, but I've been trying for so long. So very long. Doing it alone. Always alone. I try to talk to people and nobody helps. They don't know the words or they don't have the time or I feel shame for putting my problems on them. They have their own lives, who am I to give my problems?. So much has happened to me and so much is still going on, it's got to the point where I pray I don't wake up in the morning. That it's finally my time and I won't need to bare the guilt or shame in my own departing. My family dismiss my worries and depression telling me to stop acting weird. I've tried changing my life, and I've succeeded. New job, hobbies, lifestyle. But it's not helping unless I am constantly distracted. But if i am distracted, then i merely means I am hiding from my problems. They're still going to be there, and hiding from them will only make it worse. Yet right now I my distractions have left me, and all I have for company now is my own self pity... and it makes me hate myself so much more!

I feel so pathetic all the time. Only 23 years old, and I don't want to live a day longer. I feel so ashamed. i only keep going because i could never cause my family the pain they would feel in losing me. I dont want to go on... and i dont know who to talk to... Help?

A lot of people feel like you do. In fact... these thoughts are more common among young adults like you...

Here on pc... we can be alone together. Hope you feel better soon... ^^

[einsamer_schatten]

You guys are amazing. I will reply to this all properly later tonight. I was worried to come back on... I don't know why. I just didn't know what to expect from you all. But i can see now that you're all such strong, loving people. You've brought me comfort with the time you've all taken to reply to me. I am trying to keep going. I can see the good happening to me every do often, but my insecurities and low self esteem block it out and make it harder for me to maintain my moral.

Anyway i will respond properly tonight when I've got some time... but thank you all so very much!! Your comfort is so deeply appreciated!!!

[einsamer_schatten]

Cant tell if my posts are posting... they're not showing up...

You guys are amazing. I will reply to this all properly later tonight. I was worried to come back on... I don't know why. I just didn't know what to expect from you all. But i can see now that you're all such strong, loving people. You've brought me comfort with the time you've all taken to reply to me. I am trying to keep going. I can see the good happening to me every do often, but my insecurities and low self esteem block it out and make it harder for me to maintain my moral.

Anyway i will respond properly tonight when I've got some time... but thank you all so very much!! Your comfort is so deeply appreciated!!!

seriously... Thank you all!

[Momentofclarity]

Originally Posted by einsamer_schatten

Cant tell if my posts are posting... they're not showing up...

You guys are amazing. I will reply to this all properly later tonight. I was worried to come back on... I don't know why. I just didn't know what to expect from you all. But i can see now that you're all such strong, loving people. You've brought me comfort with the time you've all taken to reply to me. I am trying to keep going. I can see the good happening to me every do often, but my insecurities and low self esteem block it out and make it harder for me to maintain my moral.

Anyway i will respond properly tonight when I've got some time... but thank you all so very much!! Your comfort is so deeply appreciated!!!

seriously... Thank you all!

I can read em!

A lot of people say that internet is full of idiots.... well...it might be... but it's full of wonderful caring people too! ^^

[Frankbtl]

Hi einsamer schatten, thanks for dropping back in and just come back to us anytime you want
Really glad we could help a little at the time, and here for you whenever............

Alison

[arich62]

You've got a lot of inner -anger you need to get out, need to vent and need to be heard. I understand.