[fluffbuster]

i'm sorry everyone. i'm not a clinical depressive person. i'm not on meds or anything. though all my life i've sort of been depressed, the shy one, not exhuberant as some/many of my friends are/were.
i feel very in a sorry state. i was laid off in 2011 and have not found a full time job since. because of that, we (my bro & sis-in-law live in same house) - are losing the house. i feel VERY guilty and - actually - numb. just last week the bank froze all of my accounts - so i have to only live on cash (which i don't much have). my part-time, part-time jobs aren't doing much until October. i really have no friends who can relate to me - cause literally, i'll be homeless after the house signing. my bro & sis-in-law have family they can go to - i do not. not married, no significant other, etc. i think sometimes this world would not miss me much. i'm 60yo and not that good looking. i'm thinking insurance would give my bro & sis-in-law a good step up, financial wise. have no children, never married - sort of been a waste of humanity i'm sort of starting to feel.
ironically, i'm a suicide hotline worker. lifeline, all that. unfortunately, i guess i made the wrong decision 30-40yrs ago and went into manufacturing, quality control/assurance - which is like dead now.
i don't have a gun, which is good. and i don't think i could hang myself like RW (what a shame) - but i've just been thinking about it lately - the insurance and stuff. i could fake an 'accident' so they could collect. i feel like willy loman.
whatever - take care all.

[Stronger]

You are not at all...even a little bit (!)... A waste to humanity. You are unique, and gifted in many ways. I have a lot of respect for suicide hotline workers.
You are better alive. And take it as an absolute blessing that you are not clinically depressed.

You can overcome this!! You really can. And I know that you will.
If you think it would help, you could go inpatient. (I've been 3 times, it's not like the movies). Medicare/caid will pay for it.
Never forget...you are worth it! You add something to this world. Something that you don't realize.

This doesn't have to be the end of a beautiful life, my friend.

[falsememory7]

Fluff, Stronger is right! You are not a WASTE to humanity, and just the fact that you had the courage to post your story up here, your innermost thoughts and feelings, proves how incredibly strong you are. The fact that you care about the well-being of your brother and sister-in-law shows how beautiful a person you are, and that kind of inner beauty always shines inside AND out! This isn't the end, my dear, this is just yet another obstacle for you to overcome and prove to yourself how amazing you are. Trust me, if you keep trying, you will not be disappointed. Sending you much love

[Shasa]

Fluffbuster,
I'm very sorry that you are going through this. And I whole heartedly agree with Stronger and False Memory: your presence in the world is important to humanity. I hope things get better for you.

[Fuzzybear]