[cryingontheinside]

I cant bring my self to tell the truth when asked how i am. I always lie and say im fine. Im not fine. Ill never be fine. I attempted to end things recently and it didnt work. It was a very serious attemt, not s cry for help. I finally told my support worker which took a lot of courage to do because im such an inward person, ususually suffer in silence. She arranged to meet me but she didnt turn up, didnt even call me to see how i am. I feel sorry for her too because her mum recently passes away, so i would never dream of having ago at her. At the same time im not getting the support i need
i really dont know how much more of feeling like this i can take.
I dont know what to do any more.
I really hate myself, everything about me, what i say what i dont say. Even after i eat i feel mad at my self for eating. I havent got an eating disorded tho i did when i was a teen. But the feelings i get after ive eaten are really self loathing
Can any one relate to how im feeling? And do you suffer on silence the way i do, rather than fighting for help?

[Fuzzybear]

I can relate ....

[Abe Froman]

I can relate too. And I kept it all to myself for a very long time, only recently discussing it with any family and seeking help from a T. I think it really helps just to be able to say it out loud if you can find someone else to talk to.

[Purplesept2007]

Hey cryingontheinside,

Originally Posted by cryingontheinside

I cant bring my self to tell the truth when asked how i am. I always lie and say im fine. Im not fine.
i really dont know how much more of feeling like this i can take.
I dont know what to do any more.
I really hate myself, everything about me, what i say what i dont say.
Can any one relate to how im feeling? And do you suffer on silence the way i do, rather than fighting for help?

Let me tell you I have been were you are at and it so horrible a feeling. Suffering in silence just does not work. So yes I can relate. Those closet to me know that if I say I am fine now I am in tremendous trouble. Sounds to me like you are close to rock bottom or at least how you are stating things I know I was when I was feeling that way (about 7 years ago was my rock bottom). Actually anniversary is only 4 days away. Because of the love of some very dear friends (probably not sure I felt that way when I was called down (escorted) to HR. At the time I was scared to death but also knew it was were I needed to be long story short ended up in psych ward for 5 days and truly saved my life at that point.

I don't know if you have any friend that could go with you to the hospital but if they could I think I would try that. Also you did not say if you are in any therapy and/or taking medication so these may be some avenues you want to check too. If you want to talk anytime just send me a PM. Especially if you would like to know more of my personal details if that would help. Please know we do care here because I believe most of can relate to something someone else is going through because we have been there ourselves. Hang in there...

[Altered Moment]

I had an attempt once and didn't tell anyone for a month. It's horrible to suffer in silence. I don't do it anymore.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[cryingontheinside]

Thank you everyone for your kind posts and sorry for those of you who feel the same as i do. I really hope things get better for all of us
(((Hugs)))

[Creative1onder]

What is that makes you lie to people about how you feel/how things are for you? Are you conscious when you are hiding your feelings from others? Are you worried what others may think about you or react to you? Its really important to NOT contain your feelings as someone advised me to do once.. Its unhealthy self destructive to keep things caged inside.. People don't really know what's going on for you from the outside. They can only try to listen and understand, show compassion, help and support if you open up and let them in.

[cryingontheinside]

I guess its the way they treated me before i was diagnosed. I reached out for help then, all they did was talk about me behind my back, complain about me and thinking i was being attention seeking and childish. They shouted at me too. Now that i have a diagnises they act concerned and want to to now how im feeling. I guess i lost trust in telling people from how they acted in the past

[Clara22]

Sometimes I lie because if I tell the truth some people do not like it, they say things that are not helpful or they get upset at me ( I think it is impotence because they do not know what to do. Depression is not easy for anybody)

[regretful]

I can completely relate to this...depression, for me, = anger turned towards the self.

[Creative1onder]

Who's they?So your assuming that based on how some people have been towards you in past that you'll continue to meet negative responses from others. People don't respond n the same way to you when you tell them things. Some people can be compassionate, caring, want to understand and help whereas others aren't interested, are too focused on themselves, self centered and ignorant.

[Creative1onder]

Why does it matter what others think about you? Are they better,perfect, always happy, confident, stress free?

[Creative1onder]

I agree that depression is largely stress related and to do with bottled up emotions.

[cryingontheinside]

It was my family that acted like that

[Creative1onder]

Friends and family can be hardest to talk to.

[Creative1onder]

Its hard for others to know what's really happening, how you're truly feeling if you keep things to yourself.

[surfacetoair]

I'm bipolar but I can relate to a lot of what you said. My crashes have been severe at times and I got the same negative feed back a lot of people get. You can't just pull yourself together. It took a lot for me to get help because of the stigma associated with mental illnesses. But I did before I reached the point of action. I've had to hospitalize myself as well. It's always an option. There are also a lot of resources you can find here.

[Creative1onder]

People aren't always able to get help, to receive positive responses from professionals either.

[Sleep64]

Honestly at the moment not talking to people makes me feel better. Sometime you don't need to hear other people's stupid opinions. Do things that make you happy. Who cares what others think.

[Creative1onder]

No it doesn't matter what others think about you. But if you want help and support, are struggling by yourself with issues, you won't get it for sure, if you don't try to find it, and hide your true feelings, what your experiencing.. And other people can't know what's going on in your mind or live your life. They can make judgements, have views and give advise. But they don't know.