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  #1  
Old Sep 14, 2014, 06:00 PM
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Spot on Spot on is offline
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Location: in a van down by the river
Posts: 7
So i was driving home from work. Think how sad my life is. The only that breaks up my day is going to my therapists and that is my high light of the week. Yes i do work it should be a 40hr a week job and for the last 5months it's been an 70 hour job. This and i don't get sleep when i an home makes jill a having unhappy person. It's been over 2 weeks since i had hurt myself and a week since i had a suicidal throught. But driving home today i really wanted to pull my car over and burnmy leg. i started feeling completely overwhelmed. and started to feel like i was going to throw up at work or faint. i had to leave. so is this all i have in my life? i have despair in my soul
However i did survivor the anniversary of my heart and soul got ripped out of me. My friend, my hushand, my soul fell out of love with me and seeing another woman. PS also got her pregnant. they were talking marriage. This whole time i was caring for our sick 3 year old son. He called me at work to let me he wanted to separate. i got so drink and lost track of day and night i thought i was late for job so i jumped in my car and drive for 40 miles til i discovered it was 8:30 @night. The next day i just wanted to kill myself and wawawent looking for help.
Hugs from:
bluekoi, Idiot17, waterknob1234

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  #2  
Old Sep 15, 2014, 02:57 PM
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Altered Moment Altered Moment is offline
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Welcome to PC. It seems you are under a lot of stress. I don't think I could work that many hours for five months in the best of times let alone through a break up even if it happened a while ago. That can take a long time to get over. I am sorry you are going through so much. Is there anyway you can cut your hours back. Like even with a doctors note?
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The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman

Major Depressive Disorder
Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun.
Recovering Alcoholic and Addict
Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide.

Male, 50

Fetzima 80mg
Lamictal 100mg
Remeron 30mg for sleep
Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back
  #3  
Old Sep 15, 2014, 05:45 PM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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I'm sorry, Spot on. This is a despairing situation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spot on View Post
...The next day i just wanted to kill myself and [...]went looking for help.
Did you find (effective) help? What happened? (Just curious; no need to answer.)
Concerned for you...
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My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.

Last edited by Rohag; Sep 15, 2014 at 06:18 PM.
  #4  
Old Sep 15, 2014, 08:12 PM
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Spot on Spot on is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: in a van down by the river
Posts: 7
Wow. I should really use my laptop vs my phone. Thanks for the positive replies. I'm seeing a therapist once a week - which has been helping. I'm on medicine for depression ,anxiety. and something to help me sleep (this is still being adjusted). I did start a journal was writing during lunch till I started working. through lunch. My therapists did me a book to read which was not that bad. I'm going to be the old woman with a ton of cat. How do you guys had stress? If you don't mind me asking.
Thanks for this!
Rohag
  #5  
Old Sep 15, 2014, 08:54 PM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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How do I handle stress? The short answer is I don't anymore. I've become stress-intolerant, such that even what would be considered a insignificant stressor can send me to the floor in a quivering heap. That happened to me in a doctor's office a little more than a month ago.
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My dog mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
  #6  
Old Sep 17, 2014, 06:13 PM
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Spot on Spot on is offline
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Member Since: Aug 2014
Location: in a van down by the river
Posts: 7
I should only mention that even thou my hubby did what he did we are currently trying to work things out. I take half the blame for my hubby I should have done more tried to find more time_ more us time. I was just being pulled in so many directions. Again I'm really surprised that I didn't have a break down with my son. But as long as my marriage was in a good spot it helped me. It was one part of my life was not quickly falling apart.
This is not how my life is suppose to be I'm not suppose to have a cheating hubby a broken boy, being sued by hospital, almost losing our house a couple of times. This is such a failure of life. I had trouble finding someone to talk to cause I was having thoughts of driving my car in a pond with my son in the car. Asking me why I'm crying and saying that it's ok mommy. I called the local centers and got put on hold. So I kept call will no luck of talking to a person. I gave up 2 hours later. I tried to so a actual therapist they could fit me in for 2 weeks and was more concerned about insurance. My bother inlaw ending complaining to the local center. So they send down a therapist a hour away I see him every week for the last year. Life just scares me. I'm not the same person I'm a strange to myself. Sorry I'm just having a bad day. If I chase you guys away I'm sorry!
  #7  
Old Sep 17, 2014, 07:42 PM
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waterknob1234 waterknob1234 is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2014
Location: in school
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Hi Spot on. You won't chase us away. I am so sorry you have had so much stress and pain in your life. I don't see where you have anything to feel guilty about. It sounds like you have worked so hard to take care of your family and keep everything going. You must be exhausted working 70 hours a week. I am glad you got to see a therapist and are getting some help. We are here for you. Keep posting to us, we care. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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