[so_punk_rock]

I am becoming a terrible person. When I get angry or irritated I yell at people and say/do childish mean things. For instance, I was in the bathroom, my nephew was upset accidentally barged in and told me to shut up. So I threw a soiled tissue at him. The argument lasted a while. My grandmother had enough of the noise so she sent him to sit on the balcony in the cold. I tried to reason with him, for some reason trying to justify my actions so he wouldn't catch pneumonia out there. We went back inside where the argument continued and my grandmother told me to go to my room. For some reason don't ask me why, I laughed this maniacal laugh and she got pissed, told me I was just like my self centered immature nephew, which I'm sure is true in some ways. She threatened to put me out, and with my years of resentment and detachment said, "f@ck it" throw me out. My mother then said I cuss too much and I said I don't know how to change it, I don't know. Is it normal to do and say terrible things to each other? When I'm angry, my guard is up and I feel like I have no control over what I do or say. However I know I must take responsibility for it. I love them but I don't feel an emotional attachment to my family. We don't communicate we'll with each other. I'm
definitely not a saint, but I do want us to do better. The fighting and a lot of the communication issues are toxic and it breeds anger and resentment. None of this ***** ever gets resolved.

[shezbut]

Perhaps seeing a counselor would help your family. If you can't get the whole group to go, maybe you should go yourself. I am sure that your family would start picking up on subtle changes with your attitude eventually. Maybe then, they would reconsider attending group therapy after all!

[Altered Moment]

I understand how you want your whole family to be different and healthier. You are only responsible for your actions and reactions though. You can do things to change how you process and react to things. Usually people lash out because they feel attacked. I say focus on your part and try to change how you react. Holding on to resentment hurts you. Here is one resource.

Anger | Psych Central looks like you have to buy this

15 Common Cognitive Distortions | Psych Central

[waterknob1234]

Hello so-punk rock. I commend you in that you are strong enough to acknowledge your own weaknesses which is a first step toward change. Therapy is a good idea. Better communication in the family would help. I have lived half my life learning that we can't change others, we can only change ourselves. Changing ourselves is very hard but can be very rewarding. If you change the way you respond to family would they change the way they respond to you? Just a question for thought. Best wishes.