weighing things on a scale

All of the negatives to me just seem to far much out balance any positives to me. I've been thinking if it's really worth living on like this any longer. I can't help but think that I've been thinking more and more of suicide lately. My sense of value for my own health and life is literally next to none as well. I don't like asking for help or letting others know what I'm going through. In fact, I absolutely hate it. I'm a person who keeps everything to myself and I can't change who I am...I'm sure a lot of people here understand.

My physical condition that I suffer from is really affecting me atm as I'm having a severe outbreak since yesterday (dissecting folliculitis). It's causing me a lot of pain, discomfort, and bleeding. Today is my father's birthday and I don't want to be selfish but I really do not want to go out to dinner with my parents and brother. I just want to stay home and not be anywhere in public....but I don't want to be the person who ruins what is supposed to be a day for celebrating my father's birthday.