why is it so hard to do anything?

I honestly thought I was feeling better, and decided that I was finally going to get up, shower, do laundry, and clean up a little. So I got up and found that I couldn't do any of those. I accomplished a little bit of pacing and then broke down and started crying. And I'm still on the couch in my pajamas. Why is this so hard? I was doing so much just a little over a month ago. And I'm afraid that if I don't get back into gear soon, all that I have in my life will unravel and I'll really have nothing. I have so much to loose, that I might have already lost. Maybe I'm worse off than I think right now. The weird thing is that I don't feel sad or unhappy until I try to function like I want to and realize that I can't. I just feel like a ghost :-(. I'm going to try again in a bit. Wish me luck.

Hi unikitty, you try again in your own time, OK?? and wishing you lots of luck and strength
And look, if you only get as far as the bathroom that's OK too. It's still a step, it's still an achievement!!!
What you're achieving now (whatever you're managing) is probably taking a whole lot more out of you than what you did a month ago anyway, right??!! So please don't "beat yourself up" about it. It's not your fault, what you're talking about so clearly is depression and you're not choosing it.
And even if you're not feeling sad/unhappy when you're not doing anything then I guess you're still feeling numb, empty, separated from things, like you're on autopilot............and that's still depression
So maybe some (more?) professional help with the way you're feeling, do you think? It can be possible to "turn that corner", maybe (probably!) not quickly, but it can be.
So the more help you can get..........and here is a great place to get understanding and support too. So welcome to PC.
Again wishing you luck and strength!!
And if you want to talk...............
Alison

Luck!!!

It sound like typical severe depression to me. What you describe is how it is for me. I feel numb but not totally uncomfortable in it. It is how it effects my ability to function that causes all the problems for me. I feel ashamed and obviously not functioning effects my life. Sometimes when it is not real bad going through the motions will snap me out of it sometimes not. When it real severe then that doesn't work. I need more help than I can muster under my own power.

Are you getting any kind of professional help?

Thanks so much for the supportive responses. I did start taking ADs about a week ago, though I know that takes awhile to kick in. I've seen a therapist once, but my next appt. isn't for a couple more weeks. That's why I'm glad to have these forums in the meantime. I was finally able to take a shower. And then go get a quick bite to eat with the help of a friend. But yeah, doing those two things did take an enormous amount of energy. I guess I should be proud of myself for doing that at least. Thanks again.

Hi unikitty, give yourself a pat on the back that you were able to get that shower and get out of the house for a bit with a friend. It does sound like a severe depression. Depression saps your energy. Don't give up, and keep posting.

I can certainly relate to the fatigue. When I am depressed I always have severe tiredness and lack of energy. Whilst getting healthy with diet and supplements and even getting a regular massage helps the only thing to make a dramatic difference has been medications.

Gluck!
((((((Unikitty))))))
Stay proud of all small/effort full achievements.

I could have wrote your original post word for word. You are definitely not alone. Depression certainly does take absolutely everything out of you. When you try to think positive and get up you just find that you have no energy to do these things... It's such a vicious circle isn't it?
Being on here is great though as there are so many people that completely understand and have amazing support and ideas to try and help.

xXx

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Hi unikitty, really well done on managing the shower and getting out with a friend!!!
And you're 1001% right, you should be feeling proud of yourself for that!!! Really proud!!!
But there may be days/times/periods when you can't do stuff, so don't "beat yourself up about it" if that happens. It can be as much about doing as much as you're able.
And yesterday............again...........really well done!!!

Alison