[dexter]

i've been hibernating i feel really bad. some friends were in town but i was just not up to visiting.a pparently they came over last night while i was in bed, i didn't hear the doorbell i was asleep. this morning they called the police. i didn't hear them either until they broke in and came upstairs. i am still not completely awake. they are coming over later so i'm giong to try to stay up. i just don't feel like dealing with this. i don't know what i am going to say to them when they get here. it will be short because they have to drive back to pittsburgh early.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[Butterfly_Faerie]

Hi Dexter

Maybe visiting with your friends will bring your spirits up, it's something that may be good for you.

Why are you so down? I can understand the sleeping alot, have you talked about this, and how to kinda geting youself out of this rut?

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[dexter]

i am more awake now, i took a long time in the shower today. i'm ready for them i even put socks on... last time i did that it took me literally a half hour to get them off (because of the arthritis). i should go by some bigger socks or tube socks to use temporarily or something (getting past the heel is what trips me up the most)

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--http://www.idexter.com

[dexter]

i will feel better when they visit. i am more ready for them now. the biggest problem is that they don't understand at all anything about this so amy pretty just wants me to cheer up which as you know is frustrating. they were here before christmas and they freaked out about how sloppy my house is (which is ironic because their house is always sloppier than mine was that day, when they lived locally i used to clean their house for them when they went out of town. well now my house is considerably worse than their last visit so i think they may freak even more than what prompted them to call the police.

the sleeping has been really bad and i have been working on it with my doctor and therapist. i do shower and dress every single day. i fight to stay out of bed for the day but i am only occasionally successful --maybe once a week. a few weeks ago i was out of bed two or three days in a row and i thought i was finally breaking through but then i slid back again. i also have not been able to get out of the house much at all, whereas i used to be able to at least get out regularly so this is something that has gotten worse. i have not missed a single doctor appointment though, and i go out to buy food when i am empty. but not much else. i have not been able to go to my regular weekly support group for quite a while now... but if you saw my message from last friday i did force myself to get out and i caught the last twenty minutes of the meeting (and that was the last time i had socks on BTW

so i have been working on it but i haven't been very successful. i do keep in mind the little accomplishments like making it to the support group so taht at least i did something. plus i know many people are unable to get up and shower and i've been doing that every day.

thank you for your message sundance. i'll see how the visit goes, should be about an hour till they get here.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[krzyk101]

((((((((dave))))))))

I hope you have a good visit with your friends. I say that it is a positive thing that you are getting showered and dressed every day, even if you don't go any where. That itself is an acomplishment. Sounds like they are pretty caring friends to have called the police, shows that they care. I do hope you visit goes well, have a good day

Take Care,
Kris

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

[dexter]

thank you krzykris

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--http://www.idexter.com

[SeptemberMorn]

What a rude awakening to find the police in your house! But hey... you can't say that these friends don't care, now can you? Quite a difference from the ones you've asked for help! Be thankful for that, even if they did go over the top a bit. LOL You suppose you can get them to pick up your house a bit before they go? After all, turn abouts fair play.

Yup! I'd be getting me some tube sox if I was you! It's really a pain, pun intended, to get them off an on. OUCH! Does wonders for the back, doesn't it?

Methinks you're not giving yourself enough credit for the things you do, Dave. Getting out to your support group was a BIG accomplishment. Going to the grocery store is, too. There were days in my recent past that I wouldn't even do that! If I needed cigarettes, I'd send the kid down the block to go 2 blocks to get me some! It took an act of congress to get me in the shower, never mind every day! Gosh! And not to mention all the work you've been doing on your computer!

Sleep is just a symptom of your illness... but it's not like you're in bed 24/7! You stay busy! Why don't you put a little pressure on the doc that gives you your antidepressant? It certainly isn't doing its job right now. If it bothers me to see you so depressed, I don't even want to think what it does to you!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dave}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} You're tops in my book!






<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[Rapunzel]

Dex,

You know there will be ups and downs. It's great that you stayed out of bed during the day for three days in a row! Even if it didn't last, it was something and you will do it again. Getting out to your support group, even just for 20 minutes, is something too! And congratulations on keeping all of your doctor appointments and getting showered and dressed every single day! Who says you have to wear socks? If bigger socks or tube socks make it easier, that's fine. How about sandals?

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Wendy

<font color=orange>There is an easy answer to your problem that is neat, plausible, and wrong.

</font color=orange>

[Peanut61]

HI (((((Dave)))))): Keep trying to go out each day. As I probably told you, I stayed in the house for 1 1/2 years, and I didn't successfully take a shower every day like you do, (good for you), in fact, ... well, I won't go into details re: how long I would go, but suffice it to say, 'peeuuuuwww'. lol (sort of).

Right now as I right this, I'm having a difficult time getting in the shower to go to the gym, (the place I go every day now), but I'll get there as soon as I finish this brief 'howdy-do' to you.

I saw the signature image you made for MJ, and I bet you REALLY did touch her heart; I know that SeptMorn/Tomi and others were genuinely thrilled.

You're a good guy, Dave, (and i'm not jonesying for a pic lol), you really are.

I hope we can interact more soon - I must now get my buttocks in the shower...

Most fondly, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[Butterfly_Faerie]

I hope that you have a good visit with your friends, don't fret about a messy house.. It's hard to want to keep house clean all the time when you feel like @$$... which is understandable.

Just try and get out of bed even if it's to do minor things, it isn't healthy to be sleeping as much as you are, you probably know that and so does your doctor. Continue to try and go to your support groups because you know that is a postive thing, they always are. Even though I've never been to one but Yeah know, anxiety and what not, even though I wish that I did at some points.......

Take it a step at a time, sometimes you have to change your way of thinking and go about your day...

Take care, I Wish you all the luck ... *hugs*

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

[texdave]

Hey dex, I really enjoyed chatting the other day, it lifted my spirits! This week that I've been off of work my sleep has gotten pretty screwed up, and that can be daunting. It really does sound like your anti-depressant may not be working well. And like everybody else, I say give yourself more credit for the positive things you've done. I know how astonishingly difficult it can be to get out of the rut. It's pretty neat that you have friends that care about your well being enough to call the fuzz! That had to be pretty wild. Just from what little I've talked to you I think you are a really good guy, obviously pretty intelligent and have a good sense of humor. No b.s., having a sense of humor at all is a pretty big blessing for us! Hope your day goes well.

[(JD)]

yeah, that was a bad morning... perhaps it's all over now? I, too, have come out to find the police in my living room... it's a situation where you cannot say anything that's "right!"

I think your visitors weren't judging you about your house but that it was a change from the you that they know.

PS I rarely wear socks. They are greatly overrated.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

[shakes]

((((((Dexter)))))
Hang in there!! At least you are trying and god knows how hard that can be sometimes. You are in my thoughts.

Stay strong,
Jessica

<font color=blue> You are in this snowglobe. It is encovered in glass and secure. But one day someone comes and shakes the globe and the pieces go flying everywhere. Now they will eventually settle but they won't be the way they were before and they can never be that way again. </font color=blue>

[Abby]

Hey Dexter - i never know exactly what to write so i'll just say i'm thinking about you and hoping that everything becomes slightly easier soon. You've been of massive help to me during the last few months and i hope that soon you get the break that you deserve!
I think you are doing a fantastic job battling the depression - you are a real inspiration to me.
Lots of love Abby

[dexter]

Thanks again to everyone. i'm just really riding a new low the last few days. Most of my whining has been as to how nothing has been improving but these last few days have been bad enough to need the hotline numbers again, to have me calling everyone I know last night for help (and once again getting through to no one and no returned calls) and just back to that constant pain of depression. As opposed the the inablility to feel good about anything and just feel hopless, I'm back to the active, 18hour a day pain.

i see my T tomorrow again.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[SeptemberMorn]

Dave had the courage and tenacity to once more, reach out.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

[dexter]

thank you for the trophy... trophy cups like that actually remind me of the time lucy got the cup stuck on her head, and then got separated from ethyl and ended up lost on the subway alone.

so that's a cheerful thought (anything lucy is cheerful by default). remember when she found some help on the subway platform and didn't realize is was a "nosy" police officer?

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--http://www.idexter.com

[dexter]

and i did end up back in bed today, shortly after i posted this morning, and took another long nap. maybe today i just really needed it. i may try to go out to eat now instead of staying in, will be good to get out.

of course that will require socks again

i had no problem at all with my socks last night though, so maybe i'll go for two in a row.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[SeptemberMorn]

Yes, I vaguely remember that episode. After my kids started repeating every word before the characters said it, I started leaving the room. LOL But you're right. Anything Lucy is funny.





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>