I just noticed something

For a while now, I have been sabotaging my life so that it can push me closer to kill myself and so I can have a bunch of excuses to do it. I continue to wait for something bad to happen. Ive been doing this without thinking about it. I don't think I can succeed in life, so I have been just been here waiting to die. I'm not sure what to do about this. Has anyone else done this and found their way out of it?

I haven't done that, but what does your new therapist say about it?

To me, if I'm enjoying being alive, I am "succeeding in life." Why shouldn't you enjoy being alive too?

- vital

Depression, this terrible disease, does this to people. What to do about it, I am not 100% sure; when it was that bad for me, I went into the hospital for a respite. Since then, I am on medication, which seems to be helping. If it is that bad, call a crisis line, or get into the hospital.

Hi Subliminal, you know I think I can get why you don't think you can succeed in life, right now............everything is seeming like it would be/is so much effort and pointless, feeling like it's falling apart/going to fall apart anyway, and maybe you're thinking why put yourself through trying anyway???? But you're feeling that way with depression, right??
So just imagine that the depression wasn't there (really hard I know, but............) now wouldn't your ability in succeeding be so different??? And I'm not even talking on a "materialistic" level there either. So if you had some real useful coping skills..........the depression was a lot easier..................
So don't let the depression take those possibilities away from you hey, what right does it have to do that, when you could have a completely different way of living than the one you're foreseeing with depression???!!!
And in that I'm not just saying "think yourself out of it" OK, I know it can be a lot harder than that but what about carrying on in reaching out for all the support you can get, hey??
So.........anyone you can be talking to about the way you're feeling (a bit more?), any (more?) professional help you can get??? Although we're here for you too...........
Alison

I have not told her. I don't have a session until Wednesday. I came to this conclusion this morning when I was really thinking about everything. I don't really want to tell her because last time I told her something she asked if I wanted to go to the hospital and she may take it a step further this time.

I try not to let depression do that, but I keep doing things over and over and I keep getting the same result. Its tiring. Talking isn't helping much anymore. Im taking meds, doing therapy, exercising, and doing positive thinking. Im lost.

In what way do you feel lost?

I don't know what I want to do with my life, I don't know how to get better and it seems like i've tried everything. Its frustrating.

Maybe you need a Drill Sargent more than a therapist?

DROP DOWN AND GIVE ME 10 PUSH-UPS RIGHT NOW!!!!!

I'm not even sure I'm kidding.

You strike me as incredibly passive and passivity is the trap of depression. Have you sought out and tried anything to improve your situation YOURSELF in any way or are you just going along passively with some suggestions from others or your therapist? You say you've "tried everything". What have you tried?

- vital

You thought I was kidding? I WANT THOSE PUSH-UPS!!!

I often feel something similar, although I don't know how to get out of it on my own, the only thing that seems to help is when someone asks me to assist with something, then I feel needed for a bit. Many hugs

Ive tried doing things myself for a long time and I always end up with my decisions not working out. Ive tried therapy, a few different meds, positive thinking, and exercise. Maybe I just need more time? I don't know. I do 75 push ups three times a week, I guess 10 of those are for you, lol.

Thanks for the push-ups Subliminal .

I kind of get the feeling particularly for you that "SNAP CLUB" is going to work. Have a look and see if this makes sense to you:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

especially see #45 in that thread that has a partial list of purely medical/nutritional conditions that could be causing a problem.

If that doesn't work, try meditation. There's another thread in "Depression Success Stories" where just meditation is working miracles. People pretty consistently report that it takes a week or two of solid practice before it really sets in.

There's also, brain training and light therapy to try. I really get the feeling that happiness is an inch away from you right now and if you stay active and keep searching for something that works, you're going find it.

If everything fails, I'm going to recommend you to a qualified Drill Sargent Therapy (DST).

- vital, Ph.D, SCT, DST

Thanks vital. I found out about a meditation group that I can go to, I think im going to try it out and see if it works. My T says the same thing about how close I am. I guess I just cant see it.