Not sure...

I have no friends or anyone to reach out to so I have imaginary friends, talk to walls or to myself. I wonder if this is is either loneliness or something else entirely...I also feel like I could never live life properly or even accept the qualities of life at all, I just feel like an spirit from another galaxy trapped in a torturous dimension. I'm starting to loose touch of reality and getting even more depressed then before. My mood is taking a nose dive again...like the summer of this year and many years before which ended up putting me in the hospital. I feel more then lost. I also wonder if maybe it's just I want an impossible lifestyle or I just can't function at all?

Loneliness is terribly stressful. Humans didn't evolve to feel comfortable with no connections to others. This could be the main explanation for your self-talk. It doesn't mean you are psychotic. But enough stress can make anyone psychotic.

Try to find a way to not be so alone so much of the time. It will seem very hard at first, but social skills can be learned.

I guess I could try but it is so hard in the current state I am in...

iceyrain, do you have pets? I went through a phase where all I had were pets, and they gave me good company. They loved me and I felt like i had someone to care for. I'm lonely most of the time, sometimes, I try to escape loneliness by trying to focus on some of my interests and hobbies. And always, internet can be a good place to connect with people through writing and stuff.

We used to have a guinea pig but she just passed away after seven years. She lived a long time and I miss her but it isn't the same. I would try some of my hobbies but it's hard because I feel no motivation to do anything. I could try the internet, but I feel like I am to shy even there to do much.

I tried some things but nothing is working at all. I got so much worse and I feel like I'm more then lost.

Have you ever read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle?

- vital

No I haven't. What's it about?

It is Eckart Tolle's personal story. He had reached an extreme low point in his life in his 20s when his life seemed to be entirely made of pointless struggling and suffering with no hope of ever getting better. His feeling that he could not go on became more intense than it ever had on one particular night. I don't want to spoil what happened next, but it is very interesting. You can get his paper or audio book. He has things on the web also.

- vital

Oh I see. I think I just may read this book then.

I know what it's like to not have any friends to rely on, I may have "friends" but to call on them is really hard so I would/still do is just further isolate myself and then I just feel even more alone and isolated from everyone, reality, my family, my cat, etc. You can and will be able to live life, we all will/have the opportunity to look back and see our struggles from a better place. There will be better days, that is a fact even though it feels like it won't end or that it's impossible to see the next day where it will get better, it will. Just yesterday and a couple days before that my mood took a hard dive and hit the bottom of the pool. I smacked face first into the concrete, in my living room surround by my cat, yet I still felt so alone and terrible, thinking that I should call a cab to drive me to the hospital, it was so terrible, then I had to go to work, I was crying and felt suicidal and all I did in my apartment was just trying to breathe through my tears and distracted myself with a podcast (This American Life, it's awesome totally worth the $3 or $4). As much as I don't like "Distress Tolerance" (DBT Talk) skills, stuff to distract you during crisis times, they do help you get from moment to moment, like after I listened to a great podcast I felt better and went to work, I was still feeling depressed, but I got myself through those really tough moments, went to work, FORCED myself to be around people (since I was crying and said I was suicidal to my boss, I was told I should go home, but I stayed …) and by the end of my shift I felt so much better, and it made me stronger since I forced myself to stay at work. I hope that some of this makes sense and helps you even if for just one moment. Just one moment to get to the next one. Are you going to therapy at all or see a psychiatrist ? Moment to the next moment.

I will definitely try to use the moment into the next, but sometimes my brain does not allow that and it focuses entirely on breaking down. I'm really sorry all that stuff happened to you, it really sounds like you went through so much. That sounds pretty scary but you managed to do something pretty surprising with alot of inner strength.

I do go to therapy and see a psychiatrist but so far the medication isn't helping so much at all...I think chemically speaking I am the most damaged, it just won't logically put itself together...

Developing social skills is like learning to play the piano. It's a lot to learn and awful hard to do when you didn't get good training early in life. But it doesn't get easier by putting it off.

I also speak to/with myself.

Many hugs

That's true. But some people are definitely born with better skills then others, and I definitely have a supreme deficiency and lack of any type of social skills thereof. I should make baby steps as it will do nothing but collect dust over the years...

Awww but it can't all be that bad, someone told me it is a sign of ingeniousness.