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#1
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Hello, everyone. I'm not sure what to say... I really didn't plan on actually posting when I joined. I wanted to take the quizzes and look at the information, but I didn't think talking here would help any. But I've been feeling really down and lonely...and I just wanted someone to talk to. I remembered this place, and I thought I would give it a try. The worst that can happen is that I'll look stupid-- anonymously. I don't want to look stupid at all, but...oh well... I'm babbling.
Anyways. I DO feel kind of stupid. I shouldn't feel lonely or depressed. Great life and family and boyfriend. (Only down side is that I can't seem to do anything-- I don't have a job or a license because I'm scared of interactions or anything that involves decision-making. I'm nineteen, so I feel pretty pathetic.) The thing is, I still feel lonely. Like, my parents are going through enough of their own... I'd feel stupid acting like my problems were that big of a deal. And some things you just don't feel comfortable discussing with parents-- or boyfriends, when it has to do with them in a negative way. So... And, yeah. My boyfriend doesn't handle depression well. I want to talk it out-- not be distracted. That's only a temporary fix, and I want to actually try to feel BETTER. And sometimes that means just...rambling... Like I'm doing now. To complete strangers. That probably have things a lot worse than I do. I'm sorry. Anyways, I just felt like I had no one to talk to... Not about anything serious. And I think I'm PMSing. For a long time, I was depressed all the time-- I've come a long way, but I've realized that, now, the major episodes are when I'm about to start my period. I don't know if that's something separate from depression or not. It still feels the same, I just feel much worst at certain points of the month. It's actually kind of nice because I can tell myself that, if I just hold out, I'll feel a little better in a week or two. But when you're actually experiencing it full on, it's hard to really think about that. And, for example, last night... I really just wanted someone to talk to. But I don't have anyone I feel comfortable with. And that makes me feel worse because I think I'm supposed to be comfortable with my boyfriend-- we're "engaged," after all. But, that's part of the problem. I'm nineteen. Why am I engaged? I don't think I want to be. I feel stupid and silly and childish whenever that's pointed out. Like I'm playing a game-- playing house, or something like that. That's not what being engaged is supposed to feel like, I don't think. I said yes...because I didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying no. But I didn't take it very seriously. We'd only been dating three months, I believe. He'd broken up with me eight times during the first month or so. It wasn't a steady thing. How am I supposed to tell him that? Ugh. I really am babbling. I'll post this because I wrote it out. But I feel stupid. I just really needed to write this out, and I wanted to think someone might be reading it. I talked to myself earlier, and she/I said that I need to work through my issues with people. I think that's what I need to do. I'm just afraid and not sure of where to start. (And, I feel a little weird mentioning that I talked to myself, or the fact that I consider it as talking to "her," with I added on... But I've been to some of the other forums here, and I don't feel like it's as big of a deal as what it used to seem. I looked at the Dissociative Disorders section here, and if I have anything remotely similar to that, it's only a mild case of it. And I don't feel like I'm having other things take over-- and I don't feel like having them is a bad thing. Everyone talks to themselves. I don't know whether or not everyone has identified alternative and personified personalities that talk back regularly/when needed, but it really doesn't seem SO strange. I don't even know if that's something I have, too. I don't know enough to compare myself to others... So I can't judge whether or not I'm normal in this area and that. I only feel validated to talk HERE at all because a doctor told me I suffered from anxiety, for certain, and depression, as well, and wanted me to work my way up to 100 mg a day of Zoloft. I don't necessarily trust that position, but I do feel like I can say I'm depressed without worrying about whether or not I really have the right to say it...) So, yes. The point is, even though I decided I need to start working through the issues I have with other people by actually TALKING to them, I needed someone to talk to first, to get my bearings straight. Someone that isn't me because I probably DON'T have any disorder that has created multiple personas-- I can't communicate with them very well, and if they were real and solidified, shouldn't it be easier to do? Oh well. Wrong forum for those questions. I'm sorry! But I feel better. I'm not quite expecting a lot of people to read this huge, long thing... But I needed to feel like I was talking to someone. I needed to talk it out, or I know I wouldn't have been able to get ANY sleep tonight. It's hard enough getting to sleep without having all this other junk getting in the way. I'm glad I found this place. It was unexpectedly helpful. I needed to talk this out, and I'm glad that I was able to. Well, I was able to at least vent a bit. I don't think I quite talked anything out, but I feel more calm about things, now. And, it being after three in the morning, I should probably try to go to sleep. I want to try to start doing the things I'm saying I need to do. For anyone reading this, thank you. Very much! ^_^ |
#2
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Melle, You know reading your post reminds me off when I first entered treatment, ok I'm not saying your an alcoholic, but I told the counsellor in the treatment centre that I didn't feel I deserved to be there. I remember looking out onto the garden of the centre where other clients/patients were mingling and I remember thinking "Oh if only I had something people could see".
Anyways my point is 5yrs down the road I now know I did derserve help and I did need some kind of support. You know we spend our lifes in our lifes and our life becomes "normal" "known" . I'd go with your feelings, you are feeling like you need to reach out, that everything in the garden isn't rosy. I think thats a good start and from now you can only begin to learn what it is you want to correct in your life. That talking to "her" is good! We all have "parts" even People without supposedly "Problems" have moments of that but for some its more. |
#3
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Welcome Melle.
![]() Please don't minimize your problems. There are no big or small problems only ones that are causing you so much distress. This is a good place to find out what you would like to say to those you care about in finding support from them. I think you are right sometimes writing things down helps clarify them. I know it does for me. Know that there are people here that do care and understand many of your feelings. Please feel free to PM me anytime if you want someone to talk to. You are not alone. Please take care and again welcome.
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#4
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((((((((((Melle)))))))))))) You're not stupid and you don't need an excuse to ramble or vent here. It's okay, just let it out. We ALL understand and have done it ourselves.
It does help to "talk" through things here and the response is usually always supportive and helpful. It amazes me how much this place helps me out and I don't even realize it until I see how many obstacles I've pushed through and I know it was with the help of this wonderful website. So, PLEASE, keep rambling and working things out. We're here. I'm glad you found us. By the way-if you're feeling lonely and confused, it's because you're feeling lonely and confused-regardless of what you may think you SHOULD be feeling because of circumstances. Forget the "shoulds"-there's a reason why your'e feeling lonely and confused so don't punish or deny yourself of those feelings that you need to work out-k? More hugs! ((((((Melle))))))) |
#5
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yes, don't minimize your problems. we all deserve help and support. and you will get it here. i'm so glad you found PC.
keep posting and we'll keep reading. xoxoxo pat |
#6
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Hello Melle and welcome to Psych Central. Take care and good day Soidhonia
__________________
The Caged Bird Sings with a Fearful Trill of Things Unknown and Longed for Still and his Tune is Heard on the Distant Hill for the Caged Bird Sings of Freedom |
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