[LelouchLamperouge]

I play games to deal with my depression and everything and use it as an escape. I've been sleeping and waking up late and playing video games everyday since I've moved back in with my brother and parents because I could no longer support myself. I know my dad thinks negatively of me and I don't exactly have the greatest relationship with him. He hates that I play games everyday and thinks I'm a complete utter disappointment and compares me to other model children. He talks down to me and we argue nearly everyday because I'm always on my computer playing games. Just now he told me that I wake up late everyday and play games all night long. He asked me, "Do you not even have a dream?" His words keep replaying back in my mind right now. It's making me feel worse and worse and even more worse about myself. I feel like I have a knot in my chest now and I become very fidgety when I'm depressed and anxious in the moment. I think I might do something to myself. I feel like that I'm so close to the point that I might actually go through with it this time. If I don't, I don't think I can handle living here in my current conditions much longer. I at the least would rather walk out with only the clothes on my back and the shoes on my feet and live on the streets until I no longer have a worry in this world.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling LelouchLamperouge.

It's not an easy situation at home and it doesn't help hearing comments when you are feeling so low already.

Is there anything that you can do to distract yourself, apart from the computer, to get your mind off things or even go somewhere for short amounts of time to give you some alone time? Go for a cup of coffee somewhere? Take a walk .....

You sound like you need some breathing space but I don't think you need to up and leave just yet.

Hang in there.

[LelouchLamperouge]

Originally Posted by Hooligan

Is there anything that you can do to distract yourself, apart from the computer, to get your mind off things or even go somewhere for short amounts of time to give you some alone time? Go for a cup of coffee somewhere? Take a walk .....

No not really...nothing that I can think of. I have really bad social anxiety and I really hate and dislike going anywhere in public now. I try to avoid it at all costs. Things like taking a walk, etc don't really do any positive for me...I just feel the same way afterwards that I felt before.

[qwerty_kid]

Video games serve as a great distraction, which isn't always a negative thing. I put countless hours into Skyrim and Minecraft just to immerse myself in something other than reality. It works, for a while. The best thing to do is broaden your interests. Do you enjoy reading comic books? Maybe take up drawing or doodling? Once you expand your interests you can discover your passion.

[aphophis21]

First of all ALL HAIL LELOUCH VI BRITANIA!! second of all do you have a job or someway to make money? and i know how parrents can be when it comes to video games. they dont understand that they are a place where you find peace and can forget about stuff. and nice pitbull

[shezbut]

LelouchLamperouge,

I am sorry that you feel so misunderstood and unappreciated by your father. Maybe he doesn't understand that you are depressed, and merely thinks that you are "lazy".

Do you have any regular interractions with him, in which he could see that you aren't real happy? Do you attend meals and eat? Do you talk with others during the meal/s? Are you able to maintain eye contact with anyone? Does he ever witness you laughing or smiling?

Different answers to these Q's are a small testimony to one's depression that should be referred to. I'm not suggesting that you do this to defend yourself. Rather, it is an explanation. An explanation that you are depressed and have a very difficult time communicating with most everyone nowadays; food means nothing to you (or perhaps you're in the slim minority of people that can & do eat excessively at times); to sum things up, life is just really hard for you right now.

In my experience, being out on the streets & depressed feels a whole lot crummier than it does in an unhelpful household. I have been fighting treatment-resistant depression for at least 30 years now. Age is not a factor. Sex is not a key factor either. Although more women do go in for treatment of depression, a significant portion of men also fight this disease ~ depression.

Please, at least go see your regular doctor. They can and often do prescribe anti-depressants. Second, I strongly recommend sitting down with someone that you trust (in the family), and let a load off ~ just be careful not to become graphic with ideas that you sometimes struggle with. That stuff is mostly for professionals, therapists or doctors, they know the right Q's to ask to get a better understanding of a person's mindset.

I wish you the very best. Gentle hugs too!

[Fuzzybear]

[vital]

Originally Posted by LelouchLamperouge

I play games to deal with my depression and everything and use it as an escape. I've been sleeping and waking up late and playing video games everyday since I've moved back in with my brother and parents because I could no longer support myself. I know my dad thinks negatively of me and I don't exactly have the greatest relationship with him. He hates that I play games everyday and thinks I'm a complete utter disappointment and compares me to other model children. He talks down to me and we argue nearly everyday because I'm always on my computer playing games. Just now he told me that I wake up late everyday and play games all night long. He asked me, "Do you not even have a dream?" His words keep replaying back in my mind right now. It's making me feel worse and worse and even more worse about myself. I feel like I have a knot in my chest now and I become very fidgety when I'm depressed and anxious in the moment. I think I might do something to myself. I feel like that I'm so close to the point that I might actually go through with it this time. If I don't, I don't think I can handle living here in my current conditions much longer. I at the least would rather walk out with only the clothes on my back and the shoes on my feet and live on the streets until I no longer have a worry in this world.

Hi LelouchLamperouge,

Guess what? I think I know exactly what you should do. Go to this thread and see if it describes what's happening in your life

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

Try "SNAP CLUB" as described in there and see post #74 for the best overall plan. SNAP CLUB is super-easy and fun to do and it's a great way to get started.

- vital

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

I'm sorry you had to go through this. This is beyond some peoples imagination that some of us don't have enough space to express something. I imagine that your father doesn't even let you reply properly, but believe this: HE CARES. Otherwise, why would he waste time talking to you about what seems to him your mistakes? I'm sure you know this, and I hope you also know that his arguments are definitely based on personal perspective/experience, and the fact that he doesn't exactly know your thinking method, or what is actually bothering you. You have to start a conversation with him when he's calm and ready to listen, and just tell him about your thought process. But remember, YOU start the talk.

Good luck, buddy!

[LelouchLamperouge]

I'm starting to not be able to take it anymore right now. I woke up today and cleaned the house and got into another argument with my father after. I know I'm making to off to be about my father but it isn't. It's just a small part of it. My chest hurts. My eyes are watery. My vision is blurry. I try my best to get my act together and look perfectly normal when someone walks by. I want to go off myself right now.

[aphophis21]

ive been there before. trying not to cry, just trying to hold yourself together and its hard. and dont do it, what would nunnally think?

[Anxious Minds]

Originally Posted by LelouchLamperouge

I'm starting to not be able to take it anymore right now. I woke up today and cleaned the house and got into another argument with my father after. I know I'm making to off to be about my father but it isn't. It's just a small part of it. My chest hurts. My eyes are watery. My vision is blurry. I try my best to get my act together and look perfectly normal when someone walks by. I want to go off myself right now.

Actually, it probably has everything to do with your father. Our relationships to our family is actually a huge part of how we define ourselves. The key is to examine those relationships and learn what we unconsciously think about ourselves and then try to find a way to redefine it. I had a similar issue with my father until I took a close look at my relationship with him. Once I got beyond the stuff that made me feel worthless and angry, I was able to see how he shared his love with us. I was expecting him to be something he wasn't, so it completely ruined how I was viewing him. Once I saw how he loved me (not in a the way I was expecting him to), my entire perception of him changed. And when that changed, half of my issues changed with it.

[vital]

Originally Posted by LelouchLamperouge

I'm starting to not be able to take it anymore right now. I woke up today and cleaned the house and got into another argument with my father after. I know I'm making to off to be about my father but it isn't. It's just a small part of it. My chest hurts. My eyes are watery. My vision is blurry. I try my best to get my act together and look perfectly normal when someone walks by. I want to go off myself right now.

Your vision is blurry and your chest hurts LeloucheLamperouge? Have you told this to your Physician?

That sounds quite concerning to me. It also might be that you're having a medical problem that is triggering depression.

- vital